It is a trick played on us,
an illusory vale that changes everything.
It trappingly sets us free.
And makes small, fading flowers into
Bright, miraculous things,
Turning grey skies blue. It makes
Time freeze, yet catch on fire, blazing way too fast.
Our hunger is cured, as we starve for more.
No matter how many times it tricks us,
And we escape with proving wounds,
We never learn.
Once bitten… Twice bitten… Thrice bitten, and counting.
We jump back over the cliff, for the thrill of it.
Then we climb back up to solid reality, and look down.
The water looks good again, too tempting.
Sometimes the trick lasts so long, it becomes our reality,
And logic and sense become absurd.
Then, it overcomes us, and we overcome sense.
Reality can’t hurt if we don’t wake up.
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140,201 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey there
I really thought is what's just azing like when u said "we jump back over the cliff , for he thrill of it . Then we climb back up to solid reality, and look down that sentence really caught my eye for some reason. Its a clever poem so don't stop writing because I would like to see more of your poems
This is was truly a poem to take time to read it was really intresting and made me realise how much sence that made
-yours truly Joshua
thank you!
I love this; so much of it is startlingly accurate (maybe more so than I'd like to admit). Someone else already pointed out the nit-picky things that I noticed, so I won't say it again (because really, this is just so well written). I think my favorite part would have to be, "Sometimes the trick lasts so long, it becomes our reality." To me, this expresses how the world (our reality) is simply the way we see it. Most of the time, we look without really trying to see through those tricks of which you speak. I love that you pointed this out.
Amazing, and I can't wait to read more!
--Grey
Thanks for the review! I will continue to post my work, and certainly review some of yours.
hello
i would like to say that this poem is absuloutly amazing
full of great lines and powerfull thoughts
i liked the idea about our stupidness
i liked when you said
"Once bitten… Twice bitten… Thrice bitten, and counting."
and also
"The water looks good again, too tempting.
Sometimes the trick lasts so long, it becomes our reality,
And logic and sense become absurd."
very nice poem keep writing and good luck
Many thank for your lovely comments! I will continue to write, and I promise to review your work.
Hello, Rhia here to review! First off, welcome to YWS, hope you like it so far.
Wow. This is really interesting! It's really thought-provoking and interesting, and very well written. I will review, but it's going to be mostly little nit-picky things, cause this is really good.
First off, I'd recommend not repeating the title again in the poem. It's kinda distracting, I thought it was part of the poem for a moment, and not just the title.
"Time freezes, yet catch on fire, blazing way too fast."
I think the "freezes" needs to be "freeze" to match the rest of the verb tenses. You say "makes time freezes", so I think that's just a little typo.
My very last little thing that you could improve on is that you have four lines starting with "and...". I would just try to rearrange the wording so it doesn't start with "and". It just gives sort of a worn out feeling to the lines that start with that. Most of those lines don't even need the "and", you could just take that out and be set.
Otherwise, I love this. You did a great job with it, and look forward to reading more!
Thanks much. Very helpful review. Can't believe I didn't see those blunders myself
Well that's what reviews are for. In return, I will review your work. Thanks again! Hope you give me more reviews.