Published December 22, 2010
You didn't show me his cuts on your back,
But I saw them when I made love to you.
You came to me, for me to drink your tears
And cry for you, so you could drink mine too.
You never said that you'd made the wrong choice.
But you couldn't live if you weren't hurt.
I told you, told you, told you that you had.
Your oxygen was the smell of my shirt.
Leave him! I would tell you. You said yes.
And every day you left him in my bed.
And when you slept I held you, my heart torn.
I swear I'm not a necrophiliac.
And why did you go back, your life astray?
That is the way, my love. That is the way.
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137,893 Literary Works • 672,070 Reviews
This is a great piece of poetry. I love the depth and emotion that draws the reader in.
I agree that the line "Your oxygen was the smell of my shirt" clearly shows the reader the relationship between them, and just how strong that relationship is.
Keep up the good work.
-Wolfcub
Okay, first off, good poem. It's nice, it seems to flow well, or at least to me it does, and your kind of play on words is intriguing. I especially liked the part about her oxygen being the smell of the narrator's shirt. Gave me a clear mental image on their relationship. Now, as far as problems go, I've got a few.
The part about being a necrophiliac? Yeah, I tend to like the outside curve ball every now and again, but this seems to me to be like somebody sending a blind guy up on the pitcher's mound. It doesn't really fit and just confuses the reader. I would consider either changing it, or dropping it.
Well, I guess that's honestly it. Everything else is, as said before, good.
Wow. Simply beautiful! I love the emotion you portray and the ending is great!
Keep writing!
This poem made me want to cry...its emotion is overwhelming.
Write more poetry!
Great poem! I see nothing wrong with it... Good job, it's got great emotion!
Keep writing,
Alzora