Life?

Hello Actress4evr,

This was an incredibly powerful and emotional piece of writing and I can really see your own opinions and thoughts showing in this writing. I enjoyed the messages and thought behind this piece. You've obviously considered the question of "life" quite thoroughly and it is evident in your writing. I found it really interesting the way you had so many conflicting ideas and the repetition at the beginning and end definitely added a sense of finality to your writing, well done. Although it is still a little rough with some editing I can definitely see it having a lot of impact on the reader. However, before that can happen there are definitely some issues with this that you need to address.

Firstly, I wasn't so sure that the layout really reflected what you were trying to say. Since each sentence is a totally new thought and not usually relevant or following on from the previous sentence it doesn't make sense to lay it out in one big bulk and it certainly doesn't make it appealing to the reader to have to read one chunk of writing that is choppy and doesn't flow. It would be more effective if you separated the sentences and presented it in either stanzas or simply spacing it out by leaving a line between each sentence. You could try playing around with different presentation methods yourself or you could try one of my suggestions. It's your writing so try out a few and use the one that appeals to you most or reflects how you imagined the text when you were writing it rather then just leaving it in one paragraph. As well as making it look more professional it will also be easier to read and won't seem so choppy and inflowing.

Next, you had quite a lot of punctuation errors and typos throughout the piece, if you don't have an automatic spelling and grammar correcting programme then make sure you are checking through thoroughly yourself before you decide the piece is finished. Writing is often confusing to read and can be difficult to decipher if there are lots of errors and the final product will be less effective if it doesn't make sense and flow as you imagine. It is also distracting for people who really value correct spelling and grammar when they read something that has mistakes throughout. You also changed tense and included which resulted in some lines which didn't really make sense. I've been through and edited out all your mistakes below:

"The age old question: what is the meaning of life? Isn't it just that. Life is life. Every breath or heart wrenching moment, or the pains of everyday. People seem to want to put something else on the meaning of life, as if it would make it more bearable. Death wouldn't make it more bearable either. Many have their beliefs that the meaning of life is to love or be the best you can be. What about the people who don't know what love is from being battered year after unbearable year? If being the best you can be is the meaning of life those people in poverty, that don't know what that is, don't have life? Maybe this only makes sense to me. I don't think anyone knows the particular meaning of life. You could go on the side of science saying it's breathing living organisms. Maybe a philosophy which says that life is moments and turns that you make to better yourself. Who knows..? Maybe there isn't one particular meaning of life, maybe it's all those things mixed and blended together to be what it is today, maybe that's it... But who knows? So that age old question, still not answered."

Thirdly, I think maybe you should consider expanding your thoughts in this a bit further. It was very brief, perhaps that was your intention, but to me it just detracted from the quality. There is so much you could do with this but you just skimmed over the surface without really explaining properly what you meant. Try delving deeper and really writing exactly how you feel so that everyone reading truly understands your angle and opinions. Otherwise, it just feels like there's something lacking.

Overall this was actually pretty good. I'm sorry if my review seemed harsh as I actually did really enjoy reading this. The only reason I properly critiqued this was to help you improve because I really think you have a lot of potential. I haven't heard of you before so I'm assuming you're relatively new to YWS. If that's the case, then I hope you stick around. Make sure you keep writing becauuse you have a lot of potential! Well done!

From EnchantedPanda <3

Hello Actress4evr,

This was an incredibly powerful and emotional piece of writing and I can really see your own opinions and thoughts showing in this writing. I enjoyed the messages and thought behind this piece. You've obviously considered the question of "life" quite thoroughly and it is evident in your writing. I found it really interesting the way you had so many conflicting ideas and the repetition at the beginning and end definitely added a sense of finality to your writing, well done. Although it is still a little rough with some editing I can definitely see it having a lot of impact on the reader. However, before that can happen there are definitely some issues with this that you need to address.

Firstly, I wasn't so sure that the layout really reflected what you were trying to say. Since each sentence is a totally new thought and not usually relevant or following on from the previous sentence it doesn't make sense to lay it out in one big bulk and it certainly doesn't make it appealing to the reader to have to read one chunk of writing that is choppy and doesn't flow. It would be more effective if you separated the sentences and presented it in either stanzas or simply spacing it out by leaving a line between each sentence. You could try playing around with different presentation methods yourself or you could try one of my suggestions. It's your writing so try out a few and use the one that appeals to you most or reflects how you imagined the text when you were writing it rather then just leaving it in one paragraph. As well as making it look more professional it will also be easier to read and won't seem so choppy and inflowing.

Next, you had quite a lot of punctuation errors and typos throughout the piece, if you don't have an automatic spelling and grammar correcting programme then make sure you are checking through thoroughly yourself before you decide the piece is finished. Writing is often confusing to read and can be difficult to decipher if there are lots of errors and the final product will be less effective if it doesn't make sense and flow as you imagine. It is also distracting for people who really value correct spelling and grammar when they read something that has mistakes throughout. You also changed tense and included which resulted in some lines which didn't really make sense. I've been through and edited out all your mistakes below:

"The age old question: what is the meaning of life? Isn't it just that. Life is life. Every breath or heart wrenching moment, or the pains of everyday. People seem to want to put something else on the meaning of life, as if it would make it more bearable. Death wouldn't make it more bearable either. Many have their beliefs that the meaning of life is to love or be the best you can be. What about the people who don't know what love is from being battered year after unbearable year? If being the best you can be is the meaning of life those people in poverty, that don't know what that is, don't have life? Maybe this only makes sense to me. I don't think anyone knows the particular meaning of life. You could go on the side of science saying it's breathing living organisms. Maybe a philosophy which says that life is moments and turns that you make to better yourself. Who knows..? Maybe there isn't one particular meaning of life, maybe it's all those things mixed and blended together to be what it is today, maybe that's it... But who knows? So that age old question, still not answered."

Thirdly, I think maybe you should consider expanding your thoughts in this a bit further. It was very brief, perhaps that was your intention, but to me it just detracted from the quality. There is so much you could do with this but you just skimmed over the surface without really explaining properly what you meant. Try delving deeper and really writing exactly how you feel so that everyone reading truly understands your angle and opinions. Otherwise, it just feels like there's something lacking.

Overall this was actually pretty good. I'm sorry if my review seemed harsh as I actually did really enjoy reading this. The only reason I properly critiqued this was to help you improve because I really think you have a lot of potential. I haven't heard of you before so I'm assuming you're relatively new to YWS. If that's the case, then I hope you stick around. Make sure you keep writing becauuse you have a lot of potential! Well done!

From EnchantedPanda <3

I love it hun c: