It came one night
As a voice behind the door
As a presence beneath the bed
As eyes peering in from the windows
It was everywhere around me
It was omniscient
Its voice a low, steady hum
It told a story of men in wrong
Of a visitor
And of salvation
-
The first, a liar
Sin had found home in his words.
His lips let flow fabrications.
Until he met the messenger,
The surrounding presence.
Damned be his liars tongue,
Which now lay writhing on the floor.
The tainted muscle preformed it's throes
Resisting inevitable death.
In newfound silence,
He discovered the songs of inner peace.
-
The second, a blasphemer.
Her mind was twisted by the world around her.
She studied deeply,
Icons and doctrines.
Products of the dreams of madmen.
Until she met the messenger,
The surrounding presence.
Her books warped
Their pages now nonsense.
The faces in her arts contorted
Their eyes looked skyward:
Begging.
As she set her shrines ablaze,
She felt the warmth of forgiveness.
-
The third, a nonbeliever.
His story was familiar.
The messenger arrived,
One unassuming night.
Its voice sang in low hum,
Just out of view.
He felt the presence beneath the bed,
The eyes peering in from the windows.
He saw it:
an entity!
Of no form,
Of shifting shapes,
Of pulsing light,
Of resplendent glory.
He gazed at the thing, and was blinded
He heard its song, and was deafened
He felt it's presence around him, then not at all.
For a brief moment, his soul escaped,
Venturing an alien terrain.
His senses returned.
He rejoiced,
And was filled with glee.
He fell to his knees,
His eyes poured tears like rain.
His smile became plastered to his face
For he had visited the courts of God.
What is this mysterious entity and what are their motives for mankind? Now,this may not be true at all,but I believe that the entity may be responsible for those that lie and do bad things.Maybe it’s controlling others for its own gain and wants them to believe that is their fault.I have enjoyed this poem.I hope you have an awesome and great day and night.
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
This was quite the interesting poem!! I think this whole character/experience you've labeled as the messenger is quite compelling. I'm also a sucker for somewhat circular narratives— while this doesn't really fall into that, I love the parallels shown between each person in their respective stanzas, how they started with a vice or sin and then ended happily. Really nice job building up the story in this poem!
One thing I loved was your three examples. Three is always such a satisfying number, and it always works well in writing. Like I mentioned before, the parallels between all of them worked really nicely. The one thing I do think might be cool to play with is patterns, which could take the parallels even further, if you wanted to. I find that whenever you use examples in a poem, it's always worth trying to see if you can structure the stanzas along the same lines/with the same template in mind. While that can be like you have it here, with tone shifts, it can also be fun to play around with more obvious patterns in structure. I also think it can lead to a really impactful ending, because you spend the entire poem building up to one moment. However, this poem already works really nicely as is, so introducing a stricter pattern isn't necessary. It'd just be something interesting to play around with, I think!
One tiny grammar thing I did notice was there were some apostrophe inconsistencies throughout. Both here:
The tainted muscle preformed it's throes
He felt it's presence around him, then not at all.
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