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The Confession

by Acerstorm


I'm thinking about making these short stories into a series. This is a kind-of-sequel to The Condition. Enjoy.

"I'm sorry, Mom... I can't lie to you any longer."

Lying on the hospital bed, Alex Mortimer's heart convulsed in his chest. It threatened to stop altogether if he revealed the ancient truths buried so deeply within his thoughts. He tore away at the mental barriers he constructed so long ago, reaching for secrets so faded and withered from disuse he didn't know if he could utter them aloud.

"Why? What is it? What's wrong?" asked his mother insistently. Her mournful sapphire eyes shined with tears. So caring, so demanding, so compassionate, so controlling... Alex had loved and hated those eyes. He loved them because he loved her. He hated them because if she discovered the truth about him, it would destroy her. 

Alex had hidden much of his life from those eyes. He had forged a false persona long ago to appease her. Now that he was dying, he no longer had the energy to pretend.

She had to know the truth, even if it would shatter her comfortable illusion forever. 

"I'm not... I don't..."

He stopped, the air refusing to leave his lungs. His body refused to cooperate.

"It's okay, honey, it's okay." His mother took his hand and clasped it in her own. "We're praying for you every day, Alex. Everyone at church is praying too. The pastors told me God will provide, and He'll get you through this. I know He will."

A tidal wave of pent-up rage recklessly burst through his inhibitions. 

"What has prayer ever done for us?" he asked icily.

His mother gasped in astonishment, but he cut in before she could respond. "You pray every day that the problems of the world will be solved, but nothing has come of it. You pray for the suffering of the world to end, but the pain lives on. You pray for war to cease, and yet it continues."

Alex coughed into his hand. His skin became slick with red. He ignored it. "You and every other Christian in history has prayed that God will move in the hearts of the unfaithful, to prevent the all-loving King from feeling the need to throw them into eternal torment, but to no avail. In his infinite wisdom, God has apparently decided that most of the world deserves to bleed and burn forever, shrieking for help through sulfur-choked lungs as he watches from above with indifference. All because they didn't want to follow His list of rules."

Anger smoldered in his steel-gray eyes. "If that is God, He does not deserve our worship."


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485 Reviews


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:54 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



Hey there, Eli from Team Marlins here for another review!

I saw that you have second chapter, or let's say some kind of a sequal to the first part that I just read. I am into the mood to continue with our lovely story about our sweet Alex anyways and I think that the idea of making these stories a bit longer like real novels is just great! I am sure you are totally capable of doing that.

Anyways, in this chapter, if we can call it that still, we find out more about Alex. And interestingly, about a relative of his, his mother! We still do not undertstand about her much more than she seems to be a believer, a very strong one. Her eyes colour but that is all, I think we need more information surrounding her. Maybe her clothing, I am sure it is different, very classy and formal, she is after all a woman and I am sure the believers are not allowed to wear shipy clothes that show the skin too much, or just averagely let's say, because they just overcover themselves but it is their own thing!

Alex reveals he is actually not a prayer to his mother, I guess this is what he was trying to hide from her? I like the way you mention how he has mixed love-hate relationship with her, her eyes mostly. He loves her because it is his mother after all, but he seems to hate the belivers?

Everything that Alex says is deep and very truthful, I wish he stays alive.

Keep on writing!




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Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:01 pm
EKK15 wrote a review...



Hi!

So this is one of the first short stories I'm reviewing, and I'm usually not one to read much about religion. But I really did enjoy this piece. I think the length was good, and I love how the secrets and lies aren't available for the reader; it makes it even more desirable. The one thing that made it a bit confusing for me was the dialogue. Towards the end, I had trouble differentiating from who was saying what. For example

"Alex coughed into his hand. His skin became slick with red. He ignored it. "You and every other Christian in history has prayed that God will move in the hearts of the unfaithful, to prevent the all-loving King from feeling the need to throw them into eternal torment, but to no avail. In his infinite wisdom, God has apparently decided that most of the world deserves to bleed and burn forever, shrieking for help through sulfur-choked lungs as he watches from above with indifference. All because they didn't want to follow His list of rules.""

After you say "He ignored it" I had trouble telling whether he was saying this, or if it was his mother. That might just be me because I'm used to reading pieces that blatantly specify "he said" or "she said". Those are boring though, so if you do decide to change this, try to find something interesting to help explain whose talking.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this piece. It reminded me of something that I'm kind of going through with religion and family and things that might not be seen as "allowed" or "good" to someone who is deeply involved with religion.

I look forward to reading more of your work in the future! Best of luck writing!

-E




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Mon Jun 05, 2017 10:14 am
RavenBlack wrote a review...



Hey Raven Black here!

I'm going to review this as I go along :-D

- "I'm sorry, Mom... I can't lie to you any longer." Oh no what's he done?

- 'Alex Mortimer's heart convulsed in his chest. It threatened to stop altogether if he revealed the ancient truths buried so deeply within his thoughts.' Excellent description! I love this! Illustrates his pain to be reveal his secret to his mother really well!

-'He tore away at the mental barriers...' Wow this is so powerful!

-'Her mournful sapphire eyes shined with tears' Good use of foreshadowing 'mourning' and 'tears' indicate death.

-That last bit was very moving and had me thinking also. I'm a Christian and there's times that I question why God allows such pain to exist in the world.

I'm literally trying to find something wrong with this piece but I can't think of any xD Other than probably end on a cliffhanger. Ending on: 'Anger smoldered in his steel-gray eyes. "If that is God, He does not deserve our worship." ' didn't really make me feel inclined to read the next bit plus to me felt abrupt.

Keep Writing!




Acerstorm says...


Thanks for the review, and given the fact that you're religious, I really appreciate your fairness. I write these sorts of stories more as a personal catharsis than anything else, and I definitely don't intend them to be degrading or insulting toward Christians. Just for the sake of clarity.
Thanks again.



RavenBlack says...


No problem :-D




A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer.
— Dean Acheson