Young Writers Society

Hey there, Alice here to give a review!

MY THOUGHTS

The poem is about aging as expressed very clearly, I myself having written a poem lately about the same topic but with my perspective and experience of growing up, I could say it is a very delightful and emotional topic to write on. You get to organize your thoughts and realize the changes in your thinking and personality as you developed from childhood to teenage or young adult. You expressed the idea of sorrow, realization, happiness, and longing well. The only thing I would suggest that the other person said as well is that the theme is collective and non-specific. I get you that sometimes we like to write poetry on a generic topic as it is a safe option and will be relatable for the readers. But as this topic about growing up is very broad, I would have liked to see your take on it and read about the part of aging you liked or hated or find the most memorable.

STRUCTURE AND FORM

Loved your rhyming scheme of AABBAA, the flow was great, which is very hard to follow so well done! The words fitted the theme of an anachronistic topic well.

For though the journey may be long,

And though the road may oft be wrong,

I liked the use of oft in place of often, it goes well with the structure and prose.

There is a beauty in life's course,

A strength, a grace, a healing force."

Everything, in the end, is healed anyway right, that's the course of growing u. You will find beauty in the things you didn't recognize before and hate things you thought were important at some point in life. In the end, it's a journey that everyone takes<3

Keep Writing👍
-Alice

Hi there! Belated welcome to YWS, hope you're enjoying the site so far.

This is a very cleanly connected rhyming poem and really has terrific flow throughout. While the language was a bit more archaic / traditional with words like "wistful" and "yore" and "bestowed" it was still quite easy to follow and understand. Your rhyming all seemed to fit really well too. And I liked some of the creative rhymes in here that I might not have thought of like "lived" / "fixed" and "bestowed" / "road" - though they aren't exact rhymes they are close enough fits and don't feel forced. The only place I thought the rhyming might be improved was this couplet:

A bittersweet nostalgia reigns,

As memories of youth remain.

you could easily make "remain" with an "s" and have it rhyme more clearly by changing to

A bittersweet nostalgia reigns,

As all memory of youth remains.

The meaning of the poem seemed to be sort of a birds-eye view of a person's aging process from youth until older age, and some of the different emotions and experiences they lived through. At times I felt the poem was a tad generic and could benefit from a little more specificity, though I know that can be hard when you're trying to make a poem that describes aging in general rather than one particular person's aging process. You still may be able to get in specific anecdotes that almost all people experience like watching birds or singing etc. And I think something a little more concrete here and there would add more weight and emotion to the poem.

Just a quick formatting question - is there a reason the title and the poem are in quotes? It seemed a little redundant since they aren't being said by anyone except the speaker. I'd take that out probably.

Overall, nice polished poem, and an enjoyable read! I hope to read more of your work! I'd be curious if you ever try free-verse at all!

alliyah