Published September 4, 2011
Nowadays I See So Many Girls Showing Their Bodies,
Dedicating To Their Appearances Yeh Their Strong Believers
Brest Pictures Are Now The Best Pictures
Excuse Is That They Wanna
Show Sum Texture
Nowadays Girls Hate Being Called Hoes
But They Rather Find A Dik With A Good Dick
Then Find A Guy Who Will Love Their
Mind, Body And Soul
So I Ask These Girls What’s Ur Goal?
You Wanna Live A Life Were Ur Pride Is Sold Jus Cause U Spot Sum Guy
Who U Believe Looks Good From Head To Toe?
Nowadays Girls Of 16 Got The Technique Of Giving Head Mastered,
Like A Fashion Trend But It Isn't No Prada’s,
Honestly Some Girls Are A Total Joke
Betray Their Friends To Go Off With Some Bloke
Who's Broke With No Hope
In Making Any Dough
But Is It Really He's Fault?
Nope Cause These Girls Come And Go
Word Is Get These Girls
When Their At Their Prime
So Like A Bus Route You Ride Them
1-2-3 Times And Then Feel Sublime
In The Body And Mind
Let's Be Serious
Many Boys And Girls Are Delirious
Cause They Seem With Good Features
Their Automatically Victorious
But Welcome To The Real World Were
That Mindset Is Considered Notorious
But Come Back To The Average
Teenage Mentality
Which Is An Arising Tragedy,
Were All So Deep In Our Own Worlds
That We Forget Reality
Doesn't It Seem Our Minds Are Caught Up In Some Blender
Why The Fuck Do You Never Forget But I Fail To Remember?
Most Have Done Nothing But Surrender Into
A Mindset Which Is So Fragile And Tender
So When Giving Favours And Gestures For A Couple Of Wankers Who Deceit U By Showing
Others That They Got Money Like Bankers
Funny Thing Is Most Girls Fall For It But They Hate To Admit It
Cause It's So Dumb
Cause The Lies Hang The Truth In Cuffs
Girls Get Attracted On What They Hear
That's Why Most Guys Lie
Guys Get Attracted To What They See
That's Why Most Girls Wear Makeup.
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138,548 Literary Works • 672,156 Reviews
First off, lets be serious. On a presentation note, this is absolutely horrendous. Every word starting with capitals. You being substituted with 'U'. Its all rather... tacky and internet slangy to look at, which makes me wonder if you did this on purpose for the shock effect.
And what would bring me to such a thought? Well I'll tell you. There were some absolutely amazing one-liners in this piece, whether I want to admit it or not. Ones that I couldn't help but agree with, and ones that made me bitter because the intent of the poem is bitter.
Its probably why I'm even bothering with this. The topic, which angers me as well, is one in which I am very passionate about, and one in which, in part, you have captured.
There is one spot, though, that I disagree with.
No girl, no matter how much they may appear to be completely obsessed with outer appearances and crude desires, can ever find themselves agreeing with this line. You know why? Because its untrue. Girls are pretty much sensitive to every subject matter that comes to themselves. No matter how pretty people tell her she is, she will always see her imperfections. That being said, at such a young, tender age, that girl is merely trying to find a place where she is accepted in society. She would rather be called a slut then be called nothing at all.
So these bitter words annoyed me. Girls don't simply start throwing their bodies around because its fun. They do it because, when it comes down to it, they want somebody to care. What they don't realize is that people do care, and the people who care the most are the ones who end up getting hurt first.
Keep that in mind, ne?
In any case, I particularly liked these lines;
It reminds me of rap. Like something Eminem would say xD.
In any case, you have a strong voice. Start taking yourself more seriously and I might take your work a little more seriously
~Walker
Not bad! Very true! I agree with you 100%! I like the poem a lot. Good job and keep on writing!
I'd use sentence punctuation and case (i.e. don't capitalize every word) and spell out the words, without using U and that stuff--it makes the poem seem more real. Also, spell check ("breast" not "brest"), otherwise it seems to go against the point of the poem itself
.
I like it, but I think the presentation can be fixed. Right now, it's a bit hard to read with the capitals and all the internet-slang terms.