E - Everyone

A Bad Day for Pooh Bear

PreviousNext

It was a regular day of a regular week. Tanuja and I packed our bags and headed for the bus stop. Tanuja said,"I'm so nervous for the test today. Do you think I'll do well?" I asked," Did you study hard?Have you understood the concept?" She nodded. "That's all that really matters,"I said. "The main purpose of the test is to evaluate your understanding of the subject. You'll do fine. Just read the questions well and listen to the teacher's instructions." Tanuja smiled. "Thanks Pooh Bear," she said.

I replied with a wink. That's what I love about our relationship. We've been so close, ever since Tanu was born. Even when I stood on my toes to see her in her cradle, even when she first gave me the name 'Pooh Bear', and even now. Of course, we've had our fights, but all sisters do, and like all sisters, we've overcome them. We share everything, including our room, our make-up, and, even though there's a four year difference between us, clothes.

Now you may be thinking, what's so great about this story? Why should you be reading this right now? Well, I'll tell you why. Because if you've ever experienced sisterhood, you'll understand me. But of course, this story isn't just about Tanu and me, it's about an experience that made me question the strength of our bondage.

The bus stop was filled with kids screaming and running everywhere. "Where do they get the energy to do this on a Wednesday morning?" I asked with a sigh. "I really don't know. I'm so sleepy right now, I could collapse right here," said Tanuja. We giggled.

In a matter of time, the bus arrived and as always, there was a race between the kids on who'll get to enter first. "Bye, gotta go. I'll try to get a window seat." Saying that Tanu zoomed to contribute to the noise and mayhem. She managed to get fourth place in line, but because of Cry-Baby Kareena, she gave it up and ended up being fifth. "Well, that's Tanuja for you. Always being nice to the younger kids. Even the irritating ones," I said to myself.

I joined the line at the end, because I was sure Tanuja would save a seat for me. That wasn't something I worried about.

I entered the bus and looked for Tanuja. I found her in a two-seater, with Smruthi, her friend. I felt a small sense of shock, for Tanu always saved me a seat. I expected her to look at me and mouth a "sorry" but she was too busy talking to Smruthi. I shrugged and sat somewhere else.

I know it doesn't seem like a big thing, but I had to keep telling myself that to actually believe it. I kept thinking,"She didn't even look at me, much less tell me anything. But why?" Being the elder sister, I worried about these things. I decided to waver away the thought and told myself I was being silly.

The bus stopped; we had reached school. I got off the bus and waited for Tanuja. She got down and stood there, as if she was waiting for someone. I asked her," What's up? Come!" She said," Smruthi told me to wait for her." I smiled and nodded my head.

I started walking towards class. As I walked, I thought,"Is it really all it is? My bus-seat with Tanu, gone? And even our walk towards the staircase, after which we said our 'bye's, those ones that made me smile on my way to class?

"Hi Pooja!" came a voice from behind. It was my best friend Alisha. Upon seeing her, I forgot the entire thing. During the rest of the day, I thought about the incident twice or thrice, but during lunch, it was all I could think of. My lunch seemed less exciting, because I wasn't really enjoying it. All I could think of was that morning, and the way Tanuja had ignored me. I guess it was just a bad day for Pooh Bear.

The next few hours, I didn't worry much. The bell rang, school ended, and as always, my friends and I walked each other to our buses. "Bye! See you tomorrow. And don't forget to ask your mom about Saturday! You're my assignment partner, don't forget!" I shouted to Alisha as I entered the bus. The moment I entered, I saw Smruthi right in front of me. I scowled. No, she wouldn't. Not in the evening when I had so much to tell Tanu.

I walked to the seat Tanuja was sitting in, with Smruthi right in front of me. "Can I sit here?" she asked. I rolled my eyes and mimicked her silently. I almost turned around to find another seat when Tanuja said," Sorry! I'm saving this seat for Pooja." Instantly, I smiled. Those words lifted my spirits after all that worrying.

I looked at Tanu and smiled. I mouthed the words 'thank you' and sat down. "So, how was your day?"she asked. "Well, pretty gloomy 'cause I was thinking about how you ignored me in the morning!"

"Me? Ignore you? When?"

"In the morning. When you sat with Smruthi and didn't even look at me or talk to me."

"Oh, that? You were thinking about that all day?"

"Yeah! What do you think? I didn't even get a 'bye' from you."

"Oh, you sensitive girl! Smruthi asked me, and when I said no, she insisted on it. So I gave in and let her sit with me. And before I could even say anything to you, you'd already found a seat!"

"Oh,"I said, a bit embarrassed. 'Then what about "I'm waiting for Smruthi"? What was that about?'

"Oh gosh, Pooh Bear. You worry too much. If you wanted to walk with me, you could have just said so. I would have told her. And anyways, it's all over. Tell me, anything juicy?"

I laughed. I guess I was being quite silly. Just then, Tanuja exclaimed,"Hey, guess what? Arjun was irritating me, like, so much! So I told him to stop and he made a face at me! He is SO rude!" I smiled. "Just look at him,"she said. Arjun happened to be in the bus right next to us, and was pulling faces at Tanuja. "How stupid can he get?"she asked.

I gave a slight grin. "Tanuja, do you have a crush on Arjun? Because I think you do!" Tanuja scowled. "NO! He's just like a friend. He's so irritating!" I laughed. Everything was at balance again.

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
EllaBliss
Review

I love it! Four stars & ninety nine hundredths of a star on this. That one little hundredth is on grammar. I found a few tiny, TINY grammar mistakes. No, don't worry. Everyone makes em', but be sure to reread many times for mistakes. (Edit: This was supposed to be a review but according to the website it was too short.)

Awww, THANK YOU! :)

Random avatar
littlesighs
Review

Okay. I'm not sure how to put this nicely. I'm not saying this to offend you - really, I'm not. It's for constructive purposes only. I'm apologizing ahead of time for anything you may take to heart. But that's partially what criticism is for - to toughen you up! So really I'm doing you a favor. :)

I was bored reading this. There wasn't any action! Even the parts about Pooja's seat on the bus being taken were lacking in excitement.

Another thing was the adjective usage. I feel like there's hardly any descriptive language. Maybe go a little more in-depth about Pooja's day at school and how all she did was turn the thought that her sister was ignoring her over and over in her head.

I think there also needs to be more eventful things happening because of this paragraph:

"Now you may be thinking, what's so great about this story? Why should you be reading this right now? Well, I'll tell you why. Because if you've ever experienced sisterhood, you'll understand me. But of course, this story isn't just about Tanu and me, it's about an experience that made me question the strength of our bondage."

... I mean, all the kid did was sit with her friend on the bus. I don't know, it doesn't seem like a very big issue to me. I've never had a sister, but even if I did I'm not sure it would bother me the way it bothered your main character. Was that a way that you showed their bond? If it was, maybe you should have included several instances where Tanu unknowingly ignored Pooja. It would make the situation seem like more of a conflict.

After all this I'd still say good job. And keep writing. ALWAYS keep writing. :)

Thank you for the review! And don't worry, criticism is always constructive.

Hi, I'm Celticmusicgirl and I'll be reviewing this piece today.

First, I really enjoyed this piece. It was very interesting. You captured my attention and kept it until the end. Good Job on that! I did not spot any spelling/ grammar errors. I do have a suggestion or two for you though if you don't mind.

First, It would be easier to read if you would space out the different people speaking.
For example, you said "It was a regular day of a regular week. Tanuja and I packed our bags and headed for the bus stop. Tanuja said,"I'm so nervous for the test today. Do you think I'll do well?" I asked," Did you study hard?Have you understood the concept?" She nodded. "That's all that really matters,"I said. "The main purpose of the test is to evaluate your understanding of the subject. You'll do fine. Just read the questions well and listen to the teacher's instructions." Tanuja smiled. "Thanks Pooh Bear," she said." It would be easier to read if you spaced it out like the following:

It was a regular day of a regular week. Tanuja and I packed our bags and headed for the bus stop. Tanuja said,"I'm so nervous for the test today. Do you think I'll do well?"
I asked," Did you study hard?Have you understood the concept?"
She nodded.
"That's all that really matters," I said. "The main purpose of the test is to evaluate your understanding of the subject. You'll do fine. Just read the questions well and listen to the teacher's instructions."
Tanuja smiled. "Thanks Pooh Bear," she said.

It just makes it easier to see when the speaker changes.

Also, realisically, is really that big of a deal if one sister sits with someone else on the bus? I mean I am close to my siblings, but if they chose to sit with a friend instead of me I wouldn't think anything about it.

Otherwise I didn't spot anything. I like the bond between the sisters it is very sweet. Good Job overall.

Thanks for the review! I kinda expected people to ask me if it was such a big deal sitting with someone else, but I don't know. It's kind of based on a real life experience, and of course I exaggerated a bit, but it was like a diary entry for me.

But yeah, will definitely work on the spacing. :)

Random avatar
JennTay
Review
JennTay wrote a review · Wed Nov 20, 2013 3:59 pm

Hey there:)
This is an interesting story. i realize, your a beginner so i will go easy on you.:) I like how this story tells us the relationship of two sisters. i am very close to my sister, so i can sort of relate. Although it seems as if these sisters are almost too close, i know that even though i am close to my sister i didnt sit with her on the bus, and we wouldnt be bothered about that. From the title, i think it would be more interesting if you titled it something else, because "A bad day for pooh bear" immediately makes me think this is a childrens picture book.
"I asked her," What's up? Come!" She said," Smruthi told me to wait for her." I smiled and nodded my head." This line puzzled me. Also, instead of using "said" and "asked" maybe look up some other words to replace those. Said is dead, remember that;)

Thats all i'll leave you with for now. Keep on writing! :)

Thank you for the review JennTay! I answered the first part of your comment earlier, and I don't want to type that all over again. So look at that, okay?

And about the title, I wanted to give the story a title that would make you think, and I really couldn't think of a more unusual title. :D

And I'll remember, said is dead. Will work on that.

User avatar
Cheetah
Review
Cheetah wrote a review · Wed Nov 20, 2013 3:57 pm

Hello Aadygirl! Cheetah here to review this story for you!

I liked this. It was short, simple, and sweet. I especially liked the bond between Tanuja and her sister. They were so nice to each other! Also the very end made me smile, when Tanuja explained what had happened to her sister and that she didn't mean to ignore her. Very nice. :)

The one thing I saw a lot of places was the lack of making new paragraphs when a new person speaks. For example, I saw it in the first paragraph.

Tanuja said,"I'm so nervous for the test today. Do you think I'll do well?" I asked," Did you study hard?Have you understood the concept?" She nodded. "That's all that really matters,"I said.

You have to make a new paragraph each time a different person speaks! Otherwise it's very confusing for the reader. It should end up looking like this:
Tanuja said,"I'm so nervous for the test today. Do you think I'll do well?"

I asked," Did you study hard?Have you understood the concept?" She nodded. "That's all that really matters,"I said.

See what I mean? It gives the story more space to unfold.

That's it! I really enjoyed this. I can't wait to see more of your writing! :D

Thank you for the review! Will work on that. :)



Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn.
— Thomas Gray