Published January 16, 2009
A bit cliche of a topic, but I just let my thoughts flow and created this piece. I'll probably revisit and edit this piece over and over in order to make it perfect. Enjoy.
-♥ Steph
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The rhythm of diction
Reverberating against
White pillars of stone.
The echoing chime
Of musical chimera
In a black tunnel
Of recollection.
Darkness filled with memories
Portrayed by silhouettes
Against graffiti walls.
The monotonous buzzing
From the Heavens
Embraces the senses
And envelops
The hearts of the
Mannequins of the city.
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140,910 Literary Works • 673,728 Reviews
Hello!
I quite enjoyed it, but it was mostly because of the way that you used your words. I love words and I think they're just as good as the idea. It was colorful and it reminded me of a collage made of millions of rainbow inspired jewels, so yes this, in my opinion was quite beautiful. I wouldn't change anything about and sorry if this really wasn't a real critique but this is a truly good.
Favorite Lines:
Ta,
~Angel
I didn't find the topic to be so cliche. Actually I quite enjoyed this. It seemed to realate to anyone and everyone out there. I would have made the point of the poem a little more clear and as threnody said maybe give a bit more of a hint somewhere in the poem to what it was. Possibly try to make your point of the poem a little more clear and add a little more hint to the creature depicted into the poem. other wise great work ^^
I think that it was interesting. It could have, possibly at the end gave a bigger hint to what it was in case the reader didn't quite get it. I thought it sounded like a bunch of Haikus thrown together but in the wrong format. I didn't say that was a bad thing. Overall I liked it but just make it clear. It's hard to really enjoy a poem if you don't get it.
xx Forever Threnody