Shadows

I think that the last stanza had lines that are kinda too long for the poem. But you know...it still works real well. It flowed really nicely and had nice imagery. Really nothing else to say. You're a very good poet, Steph. Keep up the good work.


Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay

I liked this, it flowed well and had some great imagery that really helped me feel the emotion and meaning behind this piece. I agree that you should scrap on of the "prior" words as the repetition doesn't work in favour of the poem and it seems as though there's just too many words.

I can't say much, as it seems to have all been oulined, so I'd just say follow the advice above and you'll be left with a wonderful piece of poetic art!

XImperfectlyPerfectX wrote:Burning fluorescent lights
Reflect against the windows; In would proabably sound better
Casting shadows on the walls
Of the high school commons.

Shadows from prior years, Cull one of the priors
Of prior knowledge learned,
And promptly disregarded. Change it to Then or add it after the and maybe?

Shadows from old friendships;
Their embers scattered on the ground.
And blown away by the winds of the forgotten. Are could be more appropriate here

Shadows of past memories and mistakes;
Replaced by the illuminating light of present knowledge Makes the line far too long, and personally sounds better without it
Which bursts through the gloomy darkness
And radiates throughout the young minds of the students.