Hello, ARandomVoltronFan. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?
Impression on Story thus Far:
Okay, I do not know much of Voltron, but I have heard good things so please bear with me here. It seems like this team has to collect some kind of mineral to defeat this Zarkon. Am I right? Anyways, I loved how your portrayed the story. It seems like one of the characters, Lance, seems a bit slow. One of those slow but lovable types. I saw at the end there that you’re going for a boy love type deal? I could be wrong.
Nitpicks & Stuff:
Everyone nodded,everyoneexcept Lance who wasn’t paying attention and just staring at the many galaxies found on the star map.
No need to add the word ‘everyone’ for a second time since it was already mentioned once.
“Allura says we need this mineral for the fight against Zarkon it supposedly will amplify her ability to make wormholes, but it can only be found on planet Linaqua.”
Put a period between ‘Zarkon’ and ‘It’.
He brought back up a 3D image of the planet it looked alot like Earth just alot more oceans.
You can reword the sentence a bit better than that. Suggestion sentence:
He brought back up a 3D image of the planet that was similar to Earth, just with more oceans.
“But we have to be careful when collecting the minerals, the platents inhabitants are like human sized fish monsters and they hold this stone very close to them.”
There needs to be a period between ‘minerals’ and ‘The’. Also you misspelled planets.
Overall Conclusion:
Overall, I enjoyed the read. Even though I don’t know much about Voltron, I loved learning about them in your story. I hope you continue this story. It seems interesting to read. Just make sure you revise and edit your work before you publish the final polish. Other than that, good job. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.
- Kanome
Points: 11482
Reviews: 351
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