“- Ok so everyone know the plan?” Shiro asked.
Everyone nodded, except Lance who wasn’t paying attention and just staring at the many galaxies found on the star map. It wasn't until Hunk nudged him that he responded.
“Huh? What oh, Yeah yeah totally!” Lance smiled at him reganing his posture from his slouched over bored look.
“You didn’t hear a single word i said did you?” he crossed his arms
“Not a word”
Shiro sighed and turned around bringing up an image of a large glowing red rock that looked to be in a perfect diamond shape. “Allura says we need this mineral for the fight against Zarkon. It supposedly will amplify her ability to make wormholes, but it can only be found on planet Linaqua.” He brought back up a 3D image of the planet it looked similar to Earth, just with more oceans.
“ But we have to be careful when collecting the minerals. The planets inhabitants are like human sized fish monsters and they hold this stone very close to them.”
“Can’t we just go ask them nicely for one since we are the paladins of Voltron?” Lance asked
“No there's no bargaining with them they attack first and don't ask questions. You have to be careful with their teeth they are sharp and venomous, if you are bitten Allura says you become one of their kind and they don't have a cure.”
“ don't get bitten by the fish vampire’s got it.”
“Keith, Hunk, and I Will go to the dark side of the planet there are more of them in the underwater villages You and Pidge will go in the blue lion in the water and dig out the last mineral. Alright everyone into your lions”
Once everyone had left the room it was just Lance getting some supplies and Keith.
“Hey Lance?” Keith walked to Lance keeping his head down
“Yeah?” Lance felt a bit nervous this was the only time he’s see Keith not yelling at him for stealing his shampoo.
“Promise me you’ll be ok?”
“What are you worried” Lance grinned at him
“What? No! Just Ugh Nevermind!.” Keith Stormed off towards the door.
“Hey Keith.”
“ What, Lance?” Keith whipped his head back.
“I promise” He smiled at him and went back to getting his supplies
He didn’t know why but Lance’s smile actually made him feel happy. There was a feeling in his stomach he’d never felt before. Was he sick?
Authors Note: HEY! I forced myself to re-write this and i didn't realize that it would even be this short but here ya go!
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello, ARandomVoltronFan. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?
Okay, I do not know much of Voltron, but I have heard good things so please bear with me here. It seems like this team has to collect some kind of mineral to defeat this Zarkon. Am I right? Anyways, I loved how your portrayed the story. It seems like one of the characters, Lance, seems a bit slow. One of those slow but lovable types. I saw at the end there that you’re going for a boy love type deal? I could be wrong.
No need to add the word ‘everyone’ for a second time since it was already mentioned once.
Put a period between ‘Zarkon’ and ‘It’.
You can reword the sentence a bit better than that. Suggestion sentence:
He brought back up a 3D image of the planet that was similar to Earth, just with more oceans.
There needs to be a period between ‘minerals’ and ‘The’. Also you misspelled planets.
Overall, I enjoyed the read. Even though I don’t know much about Voltron, I loved learning about them in your story. I hope you continue this story. It seems interesting to read. Just make sure you revise and edit your work before you publish the final polish. Other than that, good job. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.
- Kanome
What a do, What it is. Its yo boi comin at you with a short review.
Becca! Becca! Becca!
Fish Vampires?? Really Becca? Fish Vampires. It is a creative idea.
I think that you should have had BTS as the vampires. I mean it is a win win for everyone. Although this is really good. I didn't know you knew how to write.
~Namjoon~
Okay, REBECCA. I AM GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO DO A REALLY SHORT REVIEW!!!!!!
Okay, first off, what I noticed was some small grammar issues.
Like, " 'What Lance?' Keith Whipped his head back.
“I promise” He Smiled at him and went back to getting his supply’s"
There would be a comma between "What and Lance." And Whipped would not be capitalized, along with Smiled.
And also supplies does not have an apostrophe of a y.
But Overall, REBECCA, It was great, I loved it you did fantasist. Congrats.