This one time.

This one time,
I will give in
to him.

The past that binds me,
The lust that blinds me,

I will give in,
To the passion that haunts me,
To the wishes that fill me.

This one time,
Tonight, I will let go,
Of everything else,

And be his once more
Trapped in his embrace.

Until this one time,
meets me again.



hope you enjoy,
please comment!

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Abigail_W.
Review

Hiya! I'm gonna have to aggre with Mizzle on this one. The punctuation was kind of off. However, this poem is just so cute! "The past that binds me/The lust that blinds me," is brilliant. I could also see this poem as a song. Also, I'm not crazy about the font centering, but then again, that's just me. Nice work! ;)

User avatar
Mizzle
Review
Mizzle wrote a review · Sun Jul 18, 2010 1:20 am

Hi there, ARBY367! ^__^


ARBY367 wrote:This one time,
I will give in, There is no need for a comma here. Remove it.
to him.

The past that binds me,
The lust that blinds me,

I will give in,
To the passion that haunts me,
To the wishes that fill me.

This one time,
Tonight, I will let go,
Of everything else,

And be his once more,
Trapped in his embrace.

Until this one time, No comma here. Remove it.
meets me again.



Well, I don't really like your punctuation, I will say that. You use mostly commas and therefore barely end your sentences. This bothers me. Still, nice job.

-Mizz-

User avatar
FireandIce326
Review

I thought this was good and different. I'm glad you used the colour to, it looks cool in my opinion haha. The flow if it kinda was weird at one point, but other than that I thought this was written well =) keep up the good work, and I hope I get to read more

User avatar
ARBY367 Comment

Thanks(:

User avatar
TanazMasaba Comment

mmmmmmmmm.......this was short yet really sweet and I liked it. Usually people makes their poems long when talking about romance and love but you kept it short and in control. Not bad



When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio