z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

roses are red [just like the blood i spilt over you]

by APoltergeist


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

there is a children's rhyme

(or was it for lovers?)

that always began the same way;

Roses are red,

Violets are blue... 

but the ending is always

different

and i could never figure out

which one was us

as you watched me

f

  a

     l

l

  d

o

  w

 n

and tried to catch me before 

i hit the ground

but every time i

sl

ip

ped

between your fingers

j u s t 

o u t 

o f 

r e a c h

but you helD my bruisEd and bAttereD body

while i 

bl

bled

bleed

bled

all over your favorite jacket

so i 

love loved

you

for holding me

in the darkest times of my 

d

  e

     s

        p

           a

              i

                 r

so i love loved you for it

but you didn't feel the same

over and over i 

F

A

L

L

for you

of all people

over and over and over again

like putting a mirror in front of a mirror

and hoping that one day, one day

it'll be something different

than an [endless] m|a|z|e

of reflections

but until that day,

that one day,

i will love you

and wait

until you finally notice

or

i

will keep

f

  a

    l

  l

 i

  n

      g 

     d

   o 

 w

n

in an [endless]

s p 

i r 

a l

s p

i r

a  l

so here's something i wrote for you

from an old children's rhyme

(or was it lovers?)

ROSES are red, just like the blood I spilt over you.

VIOLETS are blue, like the delicate veins, spiraling down your arm.

DAFFODILS are yellow, like the color I used to associate with your texts.

But no flowers could ever describe you.

You are not delicate, you do not wilt under the harshest conditions.

You were a blue mushroom, dotted with navy.

Impossible. Perfect. Unique.

And I loved you all the more for it.

I want you, I need you.

You were a beautiful thing and I 

let you 

g o

Every message,

Every response,

tainted with worry, with concern.

I read every one, wishing that

my nUMb fingers

would move

to t...y...p...e out 

a "sorry"

an apology for the hurt i put you through

by leaving

but i was scared

that you would leave me,

and i was too dependent

on you, on your smile

because you were just a person

behind a glowing blue screen

featuresindistinctintandlefttomyimagination

you are beautiful, my ideal perfect

and that scared me

so i left you

before you could leave me

and now here i am,

regret 

and sadness

tying itself into a messy bow in my heart

i love you, i loved you, and i'm not sure anymore

if it's platonic

or romantic

but i do know

that every 'i love you' you said

to me

gave me butterflies

and an uncontrollable smile

and that scared me

the unknown emotion fluttering in my stomach

my throat

my heart

my head

so i'm sorry

for the hurt

i caused you

but i'm 

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

all over

a-g-a-i-n

but this time

you're not here

to nurse my b/r\o\ke/n body 

back to +health+

you saw and fixed the cuts and scrapes and bruises on the (outside)

and even some of the ones lacing around my lungs

stopping me from B*REATHIN*G

properly

but you 

F

  A

I  

  L

E  

  D

to recognize

the blistering mess my heart was

on the ins(ꨄ)ide

and it is of no fault of yours

but i love you

and i just want you

to realize that

i always will

but also know that

Roses are red, just like the blood I will spill for you.

Violets are blue, like the mushrooms you love, and the ones I like to compare to you.

I love you, and I know you love me too.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 531
Reviews: 10

Donate
Fri Feb 09, 2024 4:50 pm
View Likes
1TryingBird wrote a review...



Hey polt, today I will be reviewing this god-like poem, using my custom template:

The Ink & Quill

Image


Spoiler! :

ImageImageImage

#daae71 "> 𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝓸𝓊𝓰𝒽𝓉


At first glance, I was annoyed, because I like poems, I like writing them aswell, but it annoys me when poems can be written freely with care. But after reading it, whoowhee, this poem is amazing. The level of detail, and the amount of time that was most likely put into this makes me happy. And the way you made some of the words look like how they look like-- its unexplainable.
i

will keep

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

d

o

w

n

in an [endless]

s p

i r

a l

s p

i r

a l

-^- I mean, look at that beautiful thing right there, mwah -^-




Spoiler! :

ImageImageImage

#daae71 "> 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀


I know this seems to be about the narrator being mentally ill and depressed, and their love for someone, and how they ruined their relationship. It was a nice spin on the "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue" style and a touch of melancholy is always nice in a poem about love.
so i left you

before you could leave me

and now here i am,

regret

and sadness

tying itself into a messy bow in my heart

i love you, i loved you, and i'm not sure anymore

if it's platonic

or romantic




Spoiler! :

ImageImageImage

#daae71 "> 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓲𝔃𝓮𝓭


As again, this is a free written poem, I see no need to point out any mistakes, and it fascinates me how well you built it. The boldness of some words, and the blandness of the others.



Spoiler! :

ImageImageImage

#daae71 "> 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓯𝓮𝓵𝓽


This made me feel warm and still, like a brick in a building watching the people go by every day, the same time, the same looks. But its never dissapointing, because it only gets that way when they stop coming back.



Spoiler! :

ImageImageImage

#daae71 "> 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓼𝓪𝔀


Though, I do wish you went even deeper in the "roses are red, violets are blue" aspect of the poem, and not just the deep despair/love parts, there is nothing else to say about this masterpiece.




Great poem, great writer.

The only thing better than finding something you're looking for is finding something you weren't looking for at a great bargain! - Uncle Iroh


Image




APoltergeist says...


Thank you! I know the way I wrote it was...odd but I'm glad you stuck around long enough to enjoy it. I wrote it how I pictured the words in my mind, so there's so really weird chunks in there. Along with it not being edited...so glad you liked it!



User avatar
11 Reviews

Points: 212
Reviews: 11

Donate
Fri Feb 09, 2024 3:31 pm
View Likes
yourlocalsatanist wrote a review...



This has got to be my favorite poem. I love how you spaced things out and put things off to the side for a more unique effect. and I love for the roses are red line you also added at the end a different flower and described it. this is such a good poem and you did really well for each and every word. thank you for sharing this poem and I hope to see more soon! - max




APoltergeist says...


Thank you so much! As a person who doesn't typically write poetry (like at all-), it means a lot to hear my ramblings are enjoyable. ^^



User avatar
60 Reviews

Points: 351
Reviews: 60

Donate
Thu Feb 08, 2024 12:24 am
View Likes
Sunflowerdemon3712 wrote a review...



SUnflower here for a quick review!

Wow just wow! This poem was absolutely amazing during pretty much every single part, it gave me chills multiple times through. Not only was your construction and use of the format amazing is was practically a piece of art in and of itself. The wording and use of rhymes and repetitions was tastefully done and didn't feel over used nor did it feel over saturated. You painted a lovely picture of love and longing and loss from beginning to end is was beautiful. This was a wonderful piece and I'd love to see more works like it in the future because it truly did just leave me speechless. Thank you for your time and have a great day/night.

Don't forget to keep on writing!




APoltergeist says...


Aww, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed! :D




i exist in a constant state of confusion so its ok
— veeren