“Ella!” Jinx yelled, and started towards her.
Commander stepped in front of him. “Stop right there. I know you have power. If you don’t fight me, you’re both going to get kicked out.”
Jinx choked at the unfairness. “Why Ella? She did everything right.”
Commander snorted. “Listen, kid. Your partner is your life. You have to be able to trust them completely. Either you both live, or you both die. If one of you goes, so does the other.”
Jinx glared at her. “You’re a nutjob.”
Commander shrugged, and hurled a ball of lightning. Jinx jumped out of the way, and it sparked off the mat.
“Fight back, boy.”
Commander hurled the other ball at Ella, and it hit the floor a foot away from her.
“The next one won’t miss.” She grinned at Jinx
“You want me to fight? Fine!”
Jinx sprinted at Commander and there was a rumble under him.
“Great, she can make earthquakes.” Jinx muttered as he ran.
He rolled under her, intending to hit her in the back of the head, but when he came up, Commander was sailing through the air.
Jinx felt a searing pain in his back, and stumbled forward.
He craned his head to look behind him, and stared in disbelief.
Four black appendages emerged from his back, two on each side. They ended in hooked blades that seemed to shimmer in the dull light.
Experimentally, Jinx tried moving one.
Instead of concentrating, he just imagined having four extra hands.
One of the arms slammed into the ground, gouging a hole into the mat. He yanked it out, and it flashed through the air before stabbing the ground behind him.
Jinx reddened. He could barely move them without cutting a hole in something next to him.
Commander stood up, and Jinx could see a bruise forming on her cheek from where he had hit her with the arm with the side of an appendage.
Without hesitating, Jinx ran towards her, the black arms flying behind him like a tattered cape.
He stopped in front of Commander and the arms shot out like bullets, slamming past where she had been.
Commander vaulted over Jinx, and threw a ball of lightning at him.
Jinx threw the arms in front of him, and they slammed into the ground like tent posts. The ball hit the arms, and sank into them.
Jinx yanked them out of the ground, and swung at Commander again.
She blurred out of the way, and the arm cut into the ground. The mat around where it had cut singed, and curled back.
“That’s enough!” Commander yelled.
Jinx stopped attacking, and froze in place.
Commander gave him a grudging nod. “You’re powerful. Why didn’t you use that from the start?”
Jinx gasped for breath before answering. “I didn’t know how to.”
Commander raised her eyebrows.
“You don’t know how to use your Power?” She asked.
Jinx shook his head sheepishly.
Commander sighed. “I’m not even going to ask, I don’t have time. Take the girl and leave. I have other kids to test. I’ll have you trained by a someone who can use kinetic energy and someone who is good with metal.”
The arms on Jinx’s back toppled off, and sank into the ground.
“Then those things are metal? And why Kinetic?” He asked.
Commander pointed at the scorched mat. “You absorbed the lightning I threw. And yes, those arms were metal. Get out already!”
Jinx scurried over to where Ella, and hauled her over his back.
Stumbling, he made his way out of the door. The guard nodded at him, and waved to the line of students behind him. The front two hesitantly went into the room, and the guard shut the door behind them.
“Head back to the room that you arrived in. A soldier will tell you where to go for your breakfast. Remember how to get there, because we won’t be telling you again.” He said gruffly.
Jinx wobbled precariously, and slowly made his way back to the round room.
The guard in it just pointed down the hall behind him.
As Jinx headed past him, the soldier stuck an arm out in front of Jinx.
A moment later, Ella’s eyes snapped open, and she gasped for air.
“Ella? Are you ok?” Jinx asked.
She groaned. “Why are you carrying me?”
“Commander beat the life out of you. I think the guard here…”
“Telepathy.” The guard finished.
Jinx gave him a nod of thanks, and put Ella on the floor. They both headed down the hallway.
“What happened after I got knocked out?” Ella asked.
Jinx frowned. Should he tell her? Commander had said that he had to trust her, so to hell with it.
“Those metal arms came back and smacked her around the room.”
Ella smirked. “You smacked Commander around the room?”
“Well, I hit her once.” Jinx defended.
Ella chuckled, and the emerged into a large hall. There were countless small tables each with enough space for eight people.
There was a large table in the middle of the room piled with different foods. Jinx and Ella made a beeline towards it.
Jinx piled his plate high with all the food he could fit on it, and then sat down at a random table.
Ella sat down next to him.
“Where do you think they get all the food?” Jinx wondered aloud.
Ella stuffed several forkfuls of food into her mouth.
“Earth is pretty much healed up. Before I got accepted, I heard that we were even trading with the New Order! Isn’t that awesome?”
Jinx grunted. He hadn’t heard that particular piece of news.
“I don’t know. It seems dangerous.”
Ella shrugged, and stuffed more food into her mouth. Jinx followed her lead and did the same.
A moment later, a sea of kids poured into the room, all clamoring for food.
The table in the center was attacked, and food disappeared rapidly.
When it had emptied, a man came out from a door at the far side of the room carrying another plate of food. He placed it on the table, and kids piled their plates once more.
Jinx watched the stream of kids as he ate. As the kids all settled into tables, Commander strode into the room.
“Listen up!” She called.
All talk instantly seized, and everyone stared raptly at her.
“Good. Now that I have your attention, I have to tell you something before we continue. First, as most of you know, there are three years in the Last Stand training curriculum. You can choose to do more and become more advanced, but three years is your minimum. Second, fighting is allowed, and encouraged. The Old Order needs soldiers, not weaklings. The only rules are that you can only fight with your Power. No physical contact. And last, you may not kill anyone, or permanently injure them. Anything else goes. Good eating.”
Commander exited the room, leaving huge mass of kids alone.
An exited chatter rose, and Jinx cautiously pulled his food closer to him.
He heard several thumps behind him, and turned around.
A huge kid was lumbering towards them. He looked just like the type of person that would take stuff from smaller kids.
Jinx tensed his shoulders, and prepared to fight. He could see Ella do the same out of the corner of his eye.
The boy plopped down on the bench next to them, and put a plate stacked high with food in front of him.
Jinx glared at him. “What do you want?”
The large boy looked at Jinx. “I’m just sitting here. There wasn’t any room left.”
Jinx looked around the room, and confirmed that all the tables were full.
“Where’s your partner?” Ella asked.
The boy made a dismissive noise. “I don’t have one.”
Jinx continued eating, but kept a careful eye on the boy.
Ella polished her plate off, and shoved it to the side.
“So, what’s your name?” She asked.
The boy swallowed before answering.
“Rex. Yours?”
“I’m Ella, and this is Jinx.”
Rex stuffed another few bites of food into his mouth.
“Care to trade powers?” He asked.
Ella frowned. “Trade powers? What are you talking about?”
In response, a small see-through bubble appeared in front of Rex.
It spun around once, and shot towards a mini carrot on Ella’s plate.
“Hey!”
She stabbed at the bubble with her fork, but the fork couldn’t get past it.
The fork sizzled and popped, and it melted away
Ella quickly released it before she burned her hand, and Rex’s bubble disappeared.
“Sorry, I can’t control it much yet. I can concentrate kinetic energy into something almost solid. It burns everything it touches slowly, but the inside is cool. It’s like a force field.”
Ella grinned. “That’s awesome!”
The carrot floated up into the air, and Ella held her hand above it to keep it from floating away.
Rex grinned. “Gravity? Or is that telekinesis?”
“It’s gravity.” Ella affirmed.
Rex turned to Jinx expectantly.
“I don’t have any good powers.” Jinx said.
Rex scoffed. “You’re lying. Show me you power then.”
The fork in Rex’s hand seemed to wave as heat waves emerged from it. Rex dropped it, and it clattered against the table. It continued glowing brighter until it turned cherry red.
Rex grinned. “There we go! That’s hardly a weak power, you could make people drop a weapon!”
“Nobody uses them anymore. Power is stronger.” Jinx replied.
Rex scoffed, but said nothing else as he continued eating.
Jinx felt the air behind him heat up. He dropped to the ground as a stream of fire shot over his head.
Jinx spun around, and was confronted by a slim boy with deep red hair and a chubby short one with blond hair that had streaks of blue.
“What the heck was that for?” Emma snapped.
The chubby one scoffed. “Didn’t you hear Commander? Sparring with Power is allowed and encouraged.”
The thin one nodded. “Besides, you guys got to Commander first, and you got to get the first choice of the food. What’s with that?” He sneered.
Jinx stepped up, and stared the tall one in the eye.
“We got up first, that’s why. Now go away, there was plenty of food for everyone.”
Jinx noticed a crowd of kids gathering around their table.
The chubby one noticed as well, because he whispered something to Skinny.
Skinny smirked. “We’ll just be taking your food. We need nourishment too, you know.”
Jinx rolled his eyes, and waved over at the half-full food table.
“Get some from there.”
In response, a stream of fire shot past Jinx.
Rex growled from where he was sitting. “Go away, little pests.”
Chubby blanched at Rex, but they held their ground.
“Look, big guy. We don’t care about you. Just go away.” Skinny warned.
In response, a shimmering bubble formed around the tall boy. It began to gyrate rapidly, and Jinx could hear the boy screaming from inside it.
A minute later, the bubble disappeared, dropping a flaming body to the floor.
The ring of students around them backed up in horror.
Slowly, the flaming boy stood up, and the fire flickered out.
Skinny stood before them, as good as new, although with a few bruises.
“Nice Power. It won’t work on someone who can control fire though.” Skinny smirked.
The fire flickered back to life, and Skinny stepped forward. “So, who's first?”
Ella stepped forward, and Chubby slammed into the ground.
“Its gravity!” Skinny yelled.
Chubby’s skin turned blue, and shimmering armor formed around him.
There was a creak, and he slowly stood up.
“Ice. Gravity can’t break it, and It’ll barely slow me down.” Chubbs smirked.
Skinny glared at Jinx. “So, what can you do?”
Jinx reached behind him, and hurled a plate at Skinny’s face.
It melted into a deformed clump, and splattered against him.
Skinny chuckled. “Too weak? C’mon, let’s get them.”
Chubbs nodded inside his armor, and they advanced towards their little group.
“Jinx! My gravity won’t work on them!” Ella panicked.
One of Rex’s bubbles formed around Chubby, and whirled.
When it disappeared, Chubby simply wobbled for a moment and continued his slow advance.
Kill them. Nobody will even care. A voice whispered in Jinx’s mind.
He found himself almost agreeing with it.
“We’ll get kicked out if they get killed.” Jinx muttered to himself.
Then beat them senseless. They’ll survive.
“But how? I can’t control my Power.”
Jinx noticed he was receiving several strange stares.
Give me control.
Jinx could feel the trickery behind the voice.
“You get five minutes, and you can’t touch anyone but Chubby and Skinny.” He countered.
“Who you calling chubby?” Chubby yelled.
He pulled a fist back to punch Jinx.
Blast you, boy. I accept.
Just as the punch flew, Jinx ducked under it.
He felt himself slowly move away from his body, as if he was watching as a spectator.
He watched himself pull the metal from the ground.
The metal blasted out of the ground like a volcano, and surrounded Jinx.
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Hey there! Cricket for a review!
I would just like to say first off; what a cool story! This is absolutely amazing! Kids with different kinds of powers, and learning how to use them! Wish I had thought about that! Well too late!
On to the nitpicks!
So this line should have a period at the end.
This sentence is way too short. It needs to be made longer, inserted into another sentence, or gotten rid of completely.
Well that's it for the punctuation problems.But there is something that you really need to work on. Your paragraphs are way too short! Paragraphs are usually at the very least 4 to 5 sentences long. So work on bringing them together and taking out the unnecessary lines.
But anyway I really love this line.
I had this image in my head as I read it. That is exactly what you want!
So bye! You defiantly have talent!
Thanks! This is just the first draft, so it's gonna have a few dumb mistakes.XD
Wow! Really good! I liked this even more than the first part! Just a few minor things.
This sentence:
"All talk instantly seized, and everyone stared raptly at her."
I think you meant: All talk instantly ceased, and everyone stared raptly at her.
This sentence:
"Ella chuckled, and the emerged into a large hall." the should be they.
"Jinx scurried over to where Ella, and hauled her over his back." You could take out "where" or say ...to where Ella was, or ...to where Ella was lying.
This confused me a bit:
“'We got up first, that’s why.'" This may be a continuity error. I remember in the first part Commander telling them they were late. Or are the kids called in separately?
Other than that really well done! I can't wait to see part three!
Thanks! And yeah, they were called in seperately. the rooms are in a hall, so the guard wakes one room up at a time. there would be a line, and they were the first. I'll go fix those errors now.