12+ Violence

Blood Castle: Prologue

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They used to say that the moon was red. While they weren’t entirely wrong, they weren’t quite right either. The moon was a disc of bleak bone hanging suspended in the sky. The moon’s purpose is to reflect the light of the world back onto it, to allow humans a glimpse into how they fare.

The moon’s silver gleam hasn’t shone for many years. When one such as me looks towards the cursed mirror in the sky, all that shines back is a red the color of fresh spilled blood.

The color that was coursing down my body now, pooling around my feet. In the distance, silhouetted against the tinted night sky, stood a mighty castle. In my hands, a package for that particular castle.

A twisted grin arched across my face. Nobody could stop me now. My feet flashed across the stained ground, sending up clouds of ash behind me.

As the castle came closer, the sullen moon flickered with a red glow. And so, man’s mistakes had returned.

An enormous pillar erupted from the ground beside me in a burst of fire. I jumped to the side and continued on towards the castle. Behind me, pillars exploded into the outside world.

I skidded to a stop at the castle doors, and glanced at the little package grasped firmly in my hands. I reached forward, and my hands slid effortlessly through the door. However, my parcel failed to follow, and dropped to the floor with a thud.

Instantly, it began to wail. Blast, the boy was awake. I had hoped to get him into the castle before he could even open his eyes. With a sigh, I turned towards the powerful presence forming. I strode towards it, and stood shaking before the mighty thing.

The pillars curled, and a massive head burst forth from the ground. Like a volcano of ash, the massive beast erupted from beneath the surface of the Earth. The pillars, now revealed to be mighty claws, curled into fists. The monster dwarfed the castle, making me look something akin to an ant before it.

Its massive mouth creaked open, and a mighty laugh escaped the bloody confines of the creature’s body.

“Long time no see…Arch.”

A huge staff appeared in my hands. The demon’s slick voice grated on my ears. I don’t like being annoyed.

“Not long enough, Scum.”

The monster growled, and a fist slammed into the ground next to me. The resulting explosion would have destroyed the castle if not for the ancient wards placed on it.

The dust cleared, and I launched myself into the air.

With a spin, I sent bolts of black lightning coursing through the monsters body. It roared, with annoyance more than pain, and swung a mighty fist at me. I flew out of the way, and a spear of earth impaled the demon through the heart.

It easily snapped the spike, and within a second, the wound sealed.

“You should already know this, Arch. Your power cannot hurt me. Maybe weaklings fear you, but to me, you are naught but an annoying ant that has stolen a rather important item.”

I smirked. A massive lightning bolt crashed down from the sky, sending the mighty demon to its knees. I sprinted up the monster’s arm, and launched myself into the sky. I spun around, and crashed downwards into the demons neck.

There was a crack, and my staff slammed through the beast and embedded itself into the ground below us.

The beast grabbed me from its neck and hurled me against the castle. I slammed into the wall with a resounding blast, and crashed down next to my package. He was fiddling with a little glass object of some sort. I stood on shaky legs, and glared at the beast, who returned my glare with a massive grin.

“Your time is almost up, Arch. I have chased you for many years now, and your wounds have finally caught up to you. Now fork over the vial, and I promise not to torture you for too many eternities.”

I spat at his feet, nearly knocking myself out with the amount of effort that went into the simple act.

“The promise of Scum is worth as much as its name states.”

The monster growled, and its hand shot forward. It wrapped around me, and lifted me into the air. I smirked in deaths face, and jammed a small dagger in the beasts arm.

For the first time, a mighty scream emerged from the creature. The flesh around where I had jammed my dagger began to rot and wither away.

“Blast you, Arch-mage! I never knew you had such a powerful little trinket in your possession! I suppose I shall have to return to the Underworld for the time being…but I’m taking you with me!”

I didn’t hear anything else, as my body had finally died. The demon realized this too, and screamed in rage. It searched around for my soul, but it was too late. Holy light had already surrounded me, and with two angels at my sides, I ascended from the mortal world. At the same time, the monster sank into the ashen earth.

Nobody even saw the little boy pop open the small glass vial, and chug the contents. 

Comments & reviews · 3
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BookWolf
Review

This is a really great story! :) I felt like each word painted a perfect picture in my mind. Your fight scene was a lot better than some I've read. I just though you needed a little more description. Your paragraphs are rather short and could use more length. But you have to be careful with that, you don't want to add too much or you can bore your reader.

But, all that being said, I enjoyed reading it and hope you make a chapter 1! :D

Bye!

~BookWolf

:3 thanks! I have about two chapters atm, I just dont have enough points to publish them... :P

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methrirr123
Comment

Reading this was like reading the first few minutes of an anime episode. Everything is very cartoonish and dramatic, as fantastic and impossible deeds are carried out without a second glance. Great story.

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CardinalSouth
Review

Hello! I like your story, and I'm having a difficult time at the moment finding anything needing corrections. Well done! :)
Your opening is great. Not only does it "set the setting", but it grabs the reader's attention. Just by the first paragraph, I wonder where is this narrator. How does he know more about the moon than the humans? Because he refers to them as "humans", I imply that he is not human himself. So I read on...
The sensory in this piece is phenomenal! Great job, really. I can see, feel, hear, and visualize everything the narrator can.
The ending has a great cliff-hanger. Now I want to know what will Arch find in heaven, if we will continue to read from Arch's perspective, and what in the world is going to happen to that little boy. I have to admit, I had to go back and reread the little package passage because in no way shape or form did I perceive that as being a boy...nice!
The only correction I have for you is that of verb tense. Way way way back in the first paragraph, you began with past verb tense, and for a single sentence changed it to present, and then proceeded with past. This can come across as confusing for the reader, however, is very difficult to find while writing.
All in all, great work! Not many writers can properly write suspenseful works, and you have throughly impressed me, if it means anything to you. :)

It means a ton! Thanks a lot for the review :D You're right, I have a little trouble with that. I find myself standing in my characters shoes, and accidentally start writing in present tense. XD



I'm effortlessly ironic.
— Link Neal