Chapter One - Just Moved In With A Stranger - L.A.

by AJW

Published February 28, 2024

16+ Language

In Welcome To Lunar Avalanche

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

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Antares stood at the gates of the kingdom. Impatiently waiting for the guards to finish checking her for weapons. “Are you done now?” She asked. The guards eventually stepped away from her and stood back at their posts. “You may enter!” They shouted.

The sound of a large latch echoed throughout the empty field behind her. Antares looked back across the field, examining the outer rim of the forest. Nothing good comes from beyond there. Everyone knows that. It'll be best for her to keep her identity under wraps. Besides, she wasn’t going to be in L.A. for long. She is only here to complete her job and then return to her boss. That is all.

Antares looked back at the gates in front of her. They creaked as they slowly opened, showcasing the small kingdom that was held within it. It was more lively than the stories she read about it. She walked through the gates watching as children chased each other with miniature kites, she watched the women sitting down in front of the bakery drinking tea and eating scones. Antares noticed that there were a few taverns but one of them seemed more crowded than any other. That’s likely where most of the men were. As well as the guards slacking off from their jobs. She rolled her eyes noticing the sword that laid against the side of the tavern building. That’s just waiting to be stolen.

Antares adjusted her hood, making sure it covered her braided hair. She glanced up at the sky, realizing that it had begun to snow again. Looking around, she spotted a small bookstore. She ran into the bookstore, quickly shutting the door behind her. She looked around, seeing a desk with no person at it. She saw a sign on the wall that said, “Mortem’s Bookstore + Repair.” Well whoever this Mortem is must be busy, and thank god for that. She didn’t want to have to explain herself right now. Newcomers are always on the top of every suspect list. That and the real criminals. Yet since she's both.. It’s best for her to keep a low profile.

Antares walked over to a shelf looking through some of the books. One of the books grabbed her attention. “The Night Wastes..” Antares whispered to herself.

She heard a chuckle from behind her. She turned around to see somebody now standing behind the counter. It was a man? She thought. It was hard to tell since he wore a skull as a mask. He must be hiding something important behind it. Something dangerous.

“I see you like the older editions.” The man stated.

Antares just stared blankly at him. “Older editions? Do you mean there are more of these?”

The man nodded. “Of course there are. It’s been hundreds of years. The Night Wastes Society is a pretty big tourist story around here.” Beside him on the counter were stacks of letters. She wondered if he had a delivery service as well.

“Tourists?” Antares looked back at the book in her hands. “People find this amusing?” Her frown deepened as she stared at the photo on the cover. It was Jilo. Standing in front of his old radio tower with a grin on his face.

The man sighed, “Yes, unfortunately they do. Though I am glad to finally not be the only one who resents that thought.” Antares looked back over at him, now looking him over. The way he dressed.. It was very casual, comfortable even. He didn’t seem like anyone important. Yet she did however notice some expensive items on the counter he stood behind. One was a box that held a hair clip inside of it. Sure, he may have longer hair but she wasn’t sure he would ever use something like that eventually. Perhaps it was a gift?

“So you must be Mortem then, correct?” Antares walked over to the counter setting the book down and pulled out a bag filled with coins.

Mortem took the bag of coins and wrote something down in a small journal. “Yes, that’s me. Are you new around here?”

She hesitated, grabbing the book again. “Something like that.. I was sent here for work.”

Antares noticed part of his hand had black stains on it. At least.. She thought they were black stains. It really looked like veins. But that couldn’t be possible, could it?

“Do you have a home already rented? You may not want to be camping outside. The snow is harsh year-round.” Mortem nodded to the bag sat on the ground by the door.

She frowned. “No, I don’t.. I didn’t have time to look into the weather around here. So I’ll just have to make it work somehow.”

Mortem shook his head. “You can stay here.”

Antares looked up at him in surprise. “Stay here? No offense.. But I truly don’t know anything about you. I can’t trust you. Besides, you don’t know if you could trust me yet either. I am new after all.”

He laughed. “Well the fact that you know about The Night Wastes Society tells me that you are nothing like these other travelers.”

Antares glanced back down at the book she held in her gloved hands. “I really shouldn’t.”

She could feel him watching her. Even if she couldn’t see his eyes. She knew he was watching her, and very carefully at that. Like he was waiting. Did he know? He couldn’t know. She had yet to even think about her mission. He was just so.. Different. For the first time ever, she didn’t want to complete her task. She didn’t want to bring Mortem in at all and she really would like to stay here in this bookshop…

What if he found out? But… What if he didn’t care?

“Alright.. Fine. I’ll take you up on your offer.” Antares spoke warily. Partially wondering if she would regret this decision. Mortem nodded. “Great! But I only have one request- If it’s alright, I do need some help with running this bookshop.”

Antares smiled calmly. “That’s fine by me. I have a lot more down time than you may think.”

Mortem got up from his chair and walked over to the steps before briefly pausing. “Come on, I’ll show you your room.” He turned back to the steps and walked upstairs, Antares hurriedly following from behind.

They walked into what looked like an attic but it was actually pretty clean. It was very bare though. All it had was a desk below the window and a small bed.

Mortem leaned against the base of the door. “I know it’s not very decorated yet, but I am planning on purchasing supplies to build things and put them in here.”

“No, no, no. This is perfect. Honestly, I prefer this to my old home.” Antares stood in the middle of the room, looking around. It seemed so calm. Serene even. She walked over towards the desk, looking out of the window above it.

She stared out to see the snow now covering the fountain outside. “It must be freezing out there.”

Mortem walked over to the window, standing beside her. “It’s always freezing this time of night.. But look up.” He tapped at the top of the window. Antares followed his gaze now looking at the sky.

“It’s pitch black.” Antares whispered.

He nodded. “There’s a story my mother told me when I was younger… That the stars actually came down from the sky to live and grow among us and eventually when they gain enough power, or energy, they’ll return back to the sky.”

Antares held her arms close to her. “That’s a dumb story."

Mortem turned to look at her. “You know it?”

She frowned. “Yes, actually I performed it. In my village, it was one of their favorite performances.”

Both Mortem and Antares took a step back when they felt a rumbling in the ground. They stood there for a moment looking at each other, before the rumbling got louder and the entire house was shaking. A lamp on the desk fell over and shattered when it hit the floor.

The entire room went dark. Mortem ran over towards the stairs but at the bottom of the steps there was a fallen bookshelf in the way of the door. “Damn it!” He yelled. We are stuck up here.

“Just for now.. It’ll be alright.” Antares watched Mortem carefully. He seemed more panicked than she was. Isn’t it just an earthquake? What has this man been through?

Mortem carefully walked back over to Antares, crossing his arms. But it looked more as if he were comforting himself with a small hug.

“It would be better if it weren’t so dark in here..” He said as he walked over to the back of the room and sat on the ground, leaning back against the wall. Antares walked over and sat down beside him quietly. He looked over at her. She seemed strange. He was just testing her by asking her if she would stay with him here. He never expected her to actually agree. Now here they both were, trapped in the attic, during an earthquake. Any normal person would want to leave. Immediately.

Except for her.

Antares sat there silently, her arms wrapped around her legs as she rests her head on her knees. She turned her head to look at Mortem who was already looking at her. She didn’t feel like questioning why he was watching her. She honestly couldn’t care less. Because this is the first time in a very long time that she felt comfortable around someone. She always had to have her guard up. But just this once.. It felt nice. To forget about everything that worried her. To just be in the moment. Everyone else expected something from her.

Except for him.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
NadjaWasHere
Comment
NadjaWasHere commented Comment · Mar 2, 2024

I am in love <3

User avatar
goodolnoah
Review
goodolnoah wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2024

Hello stranger!

I came across this on the green room and the title caught my eye! I also like fantasy, so it looked like an interesting read.

Writing Commentary

The writing is solid here! I particularly like the structure and flow of your writing. Information is not overwhelming, though there are some things I may have missed because I am reading this before I read the prologue. Alas, there are some critiques to be made.

She rolled her eyes noticing the sword that laid against the side of the tavern building. That’s just waiting to be stolen.


This sentence here could most likely be restructured. “That’s just waiting to be stolen” should be part of the previous sentence because it is written in 1st person, whereas the story is in 3rd person right now.

She rolled her eyes, noticing the sword waiting to be stolen laying against the side of the tavern building.


This is my recommendation for an improved sentence. It conveys that she thinks the sword is going to be stolen without switching perspectives.

Critiques aside, there is some good dialogue exchanges here! One of the exchanges that really got me hooked on where Antares and Mortem’s story is going from here.

He nodded. “There’s a story my mother told me when I was younger… That the stars actually came down from the sky to live and grow among us and eventually when they gain enough power, or energy, they’ll return back to the sky.”
Antares held her arms close to her. “That’s a dumb story."
Mortem turned to look at her. “You know it?”
She frowned. “Yes, actually I performed it. In my village, it was one of their favorite performances.”

I think this expands a little bit on the lore of the story, while also functioning as a character moment for the two. The body language mentioned here allows us to understand that both of them are a little awkward now that Antares has actually agreed to stay there, all leading to her opening up more about her personal life.

Story Commentary

I was interested by the fantasy setting here, I feel I may have missed a bit because I haven’t read the prologue yet, nonetheless, the description of L.A. gives this feeling of paradise at first, but it is revealed that there are still criminals running rampant.

Antares and Mortem are interesting characters, and their chemistry is well-conveyed. My favorite part that really solidifies this is the ending that talks about their true views about this interesting situation they have fallen into.

Closer

Thank you for the good read! I should probably go back and read the prologue, huh?
╮( ̄▽ ̄"")╭

AJW replied · Mar 2, 2024

AH thank you for the review! I am really glad you enjoyed it! I am about to get started on the next chapter as well..

User avatar
Youbeaucupid
Review
Youbeaucupid wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2024

Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlights:


Introduction:


SWOOSH! Greetings, lovely soul! Cupid here, armed with my bow, arrow, and a sprinkle of stardust for an enchanting adventure. Today, I'm diving into the captivating world of reviews with my very own Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlight. It's like the incredible YWS S'more Method, but with a dash of cupid's magic! Let's get flying, shall we? :D

Fluttering Wings - Initial Impressions:

Hey, AJW! Cupid's here with a hearty review, (See what I did there? ;D) and this time, we're delving deep into the spellbinding journey of Antares! I can just picture the scene! Snowflakes gently falling, secrets lurking in every shadow, and a dash of mystery that'll keep me on the edge of my seat. Intrigued? Absolutely! Let's embark on this adventure together! 💫📖

Arrow Adjustments - Love Crafting Suggestions:

Alright, lovebird, let's fine-tune this enchanting tale and sprinkle it with a little extra magic! Antares' journey is clearly already a captivating whirlwind of storytelling and words, but with a few tweaks, I think we can elevate it to mythical heights! How, you ask? Well, grab your quills and let's get crafty! <3

First off, maybe you could delve deeper into the whispers of the kingdom's secrets. Imagine the air tingling with anticipation as Antares tiptoes through the shadows, her cloak a shield against prying eyes. Perhaps we could weave in subtle hints about the kingdom's history, tantalizing clues that leave readers craving more. After all, who can resist a good mystery? 🔍

Next up, how about sprinkling in a dash of backstory for our enigmatic protagonist? What secrets lie hidden beneath her stoic exterior? What trials has she faced on her journey to this quaint kingdom? By fleshing out Antares' past, you not only deepen her character but also add layers of complexity to the narrative!

What about our mysterious bookseller, Mortem? Ah, the possibilities are endless! Let's explore his world – from the dusty tomes lining his shelves to the secrets lurking behind his skull mask. Perhaps we could introduce quirky side characters or sprinkle in a few humorous anecdotes to lighten the mood. After all, every great story needs a hint of whimsy! 📚😄

(I understand this is just the first chapter, and it's absolutely amazing! If you plan to put any of these details on the next chapters, feel free to disregard anything I've said! Your way of storytelling is up to your creative vision and from what I've read, it's amazing! Well done! :))

Golden Harp Strumming - Heavenly Highlights:

Alright, my dear friend, let's dive into the moments that make Antares' journey sparkle like a constellation in the night sky! I can just imagine stepping through the kingdom gates with Antares, feeling the pulse of life in every cobblestone and the whisper of secrets in every breeze. ✨ Children's laughter mingles with the scent of fresh-baked scones, painting a picture of a world where magic lingers just beneath the surface. Can you feel the enchantment in the air? Because I can!

Now, let's talk about that bookstore – a hidden gem nestled among the bustling streets. As Antares steps inside, the scent of aged parchment and adventure fills the air, beckoning us to explore its every nook and cranny. And there, behind the counter, stands Mortem, a figure cloaked in mystery and masked by a skull. Yet beneath that mask lies a warmth that draws us in, inviting us to unravel the secrets of his world. It's a moment of connection in a sea of strangers, a reminder that even in the darkest corners, friendship can blossom like a rose in the snow. 🌹

And speaking of quaint moments, let's not forget the bond that blooms between Antares and Mortem. Despite their differences, they find solace in each other's company, their hearts beating in harmony like a duet beneath the stars. It's a reminder that in a world filled with shadows, love and friendship can still shine bright like a beacon in the night. 🌌💖

Well done AJW, well done!! ❤️❤️

Cherished Verses - Cupid's Favorite Lines:

"Are you done now?" She asked. The guards eventually stepped away from her and stood back at their posts. "You may enter!" They shouted.


This line captures Antares' bold and no-nonsense attitude, setting the tone for her character. I love how it showcases her impatience and independence, hinting at the strength and determination that define her journey. It's a small moment, but it speaks volumes about who Antares is and what she's capable of. 💪🚪

"As she walked through the gates, the sound of laughter and joy filled the air, intertwining with the aroma of freshly baked bread from the nearby bakery."


AH! I love this line, the vivid imagery you paint of the bustling kingdom beyond the gates. The imagery of laughter, joy, and the scent of bread is such a warm and inviting atmosphere, you definantly know how to draw your readers in! It's a reminder of the simple pleasures that make life beautiful and the magic that awaits us just around the corner. ✨

"Antares glanced up at the sky, noticing the first snowflakes beginning to drift lazily down from the heavens, painting the world in a soft blanket of white."


Ah yes, the serene beauty of a winter's day, the snowflakes falling like crystals from the sky and the depiction of a soft white blanket is such wonderful use of imagery, and I'm here for it! ❄️

Final Whispers - Closing Thoughts:

As I bid adieu to Antares' world, let me take a moment to soak in the magic of storytelling. Because in the end, it's not just about the plot twists or the hidden secrets – it's about the connections they forged along the way. So here's to new adventures, new friendships, and the endless possibilities that await me in the chapters of your book!

Sending all my love and heart-shaped arrows your way, Cupid! 💘

AJW replied · Mar 2, 2024

Thank you for the review! This review has made me extremely happy and also excited to write my next chapter. I purposely make this very descriptive. I want you to imagine it as if you were one of the characters. Even from a third perspective.

There are plenty of secrets to unravel in this world I've built and A LOT of backstory. I'm just not springing it onto people all at once. Each part of their backstories will come in it's own pace. Very soon, there will be more characters.

If you want a spoiler then here it is, there is an orphaned boy that will be introduced soon. He will be a great light into the dark story that is to come.

I hope I hear from you again on the next chapter.



Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
— Willie Nelson