"You're-" Prologue

"Get off of me!" A girl#FF0000 ">'s voice screamed, piercing my ears.

A person was tackling her, its hand now over her mouth. Her screams were muffled, but I could still hear them crystal clear. But then all of the sudden,#400080 ">Okay so the phrase "all of the sudden" is grammatically incorrect. I think a better alternative would be "suddenly." she stopped screaming, #FF0000 ">she stopped struggling, stopped moving, stopped breathing. Her pale blue eyes went blank as the life was sucked out of her.

I wanted badly to scream and run for her, my girlfriend, but I couldn't move. Couldn't make a sound.

The person who was attacking her withdrew a bloody red knife from her stomach and let her crumple to the ground. The person turned to face me and whispered something that sounded like "You're-"

I screamed as I woke up, my alarm buzzing. Dad came running in my room, a baseball bat in his hand. His floppy black hair hung aroun#FF0000 ">d his face.

With wild eyes he looked around the room shouting#FF0000 ">, "What happened? Were are they? Are you okay?" Then he realized I was just lying there in my bed, my blankets twisted around my legs and my pillow on the other side of the room.

He sighed, took of his big glasses and wiped them on his blue robe, then said#FF0000 ">, "Aiden, no more horror movies before bed." And with that, he walked away, leaving the black bat on my floor.

That's the fifth time I've had that dream, and every#FF0000 ">[]#400080 "> space heretime I can never get far enough in it to hear what the person says to me. Not even far enough to decipher whether it's male or female. I flipped the switch on my alarm to stop the buzzing and then got up and out of bed. #400080 ">So in this paragraph, and in the rest of the piece, you tend to use present perfect (I've had) when using past perfect (I'd had) is proper.

As I pulled on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, I wondered why I kept having this dream. Running my hands through my shoulder length blonde hair, I decided that I'd find out what they person said tomorrow since it would be a Saturday. I grabbed my backpack and shoved my unfinished math homework in the pocket. Running down the stairs, I happily went into the kitchen and grabbed a green apple. #400080 ">I challenge you to SHOW the reader that your MC is happy rather than outright stating that he happily did anything.

"You seem happy." my mother noted, looking over her magazine at me.

I gave her a big smile, tossed the apple in the air, and caught it as I said#FF0000 ">, "I've got a date with Brianna tonight."

I took a bite of the apple and smiled at her.

***

Brianna smiled as she pulled away from our kiss. I could see her breath in the air as she said "Aiden, I told you I can't come over tomorrow." Wrapping my arms around her, I rested my chin on the top of her head. Light flooded out of her house as the door flew open, her father standing there before us.

I immediately let her go and we took a step away from each other. Her dad's jaw was tight as he said "Brianna, Lauren called. She'll be here in ten minutes to pick you up." He walked away and sat in the living#FF0000 ">[]room, but left the door open and sat somewhere he could see us.

"Where are you and Lauren going?" I asked. She smiled and grabbed my hand#FF0000 ">. "We're going to a party."

I took a step away from the door and pulled her over with me. I gave her a kiss, but it was quick so her dad didn't come back. "Goodnight#FF0000 ">," I whispered.

She smiled and said#FF0000 ">, "'Night#FF0000 ">, Aiden." Before she got out of reach, I grabbed her arm and slid her silver charm bracelet off of her wrist#FF0000 ">. "This way you have to come and see me tomorrow." I laughed as I jumped over the three porch steps and onto the stone path.

"Aiden!" She called. When I turned around, she leaned against the door, her thick locks of blond #400080 ">juat a pointer, but you should keep spellings consistent. Like, earlier you used "blonde" and here you drop the "e." Pick one, and use that one throughout. It's mainly just for consistency. hair resting on the shoulders of her green jacket, and said "I love you." I gave her a big smile and said "Love you too Brianna."

***

Blood spread across Brianna's green jacket and she fell to the ground. The #FF0000 ">person faced me and said "You're-" I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I grabbed the phone off of the black side table.

"Hello?" I said groggily. When I glanced at the clock I saw it was 3:30 in the morning.

I heard someone, I think a girl, trying to tell me something through sobs.

"Hold on, who is this?" More sobs and the person managed to say "Aiden, it's Lauren. I'm out in the alley next to Planet Blue." She paused to let out another cry and continued "Brianna's hurt!" #400080 ">Separate different speakers by giving them different paragraphs.

My breath caught in my throat and I said#FF0000 ">, "I'm on my way."

***

When I got to Planet Blue there was an ambulance and a few police cars. I saw Brianna's mother sobbing into her husband's shoulder. When I got out of my car and walked passed them, I saw that even he was crying. His tears slid off of his face and into Mrs.Carter's blond hair.

Lauren spotted me and came running at me crying. She clung to me as she cried "Aiden, she was feeling dizzy so she went outside. When she didn't come back in I went out. A person ran away and she was just lying there and-" Lauren couldn't finish, because she broke down.

I held her close to me as I looked around, still a little confused. That's when I saw it. A girl#FF0000 ">'s figure lay under a white sheet.

No, it can't be. #FF0000 ">That's not her. I had to go and see for myself. I tore Lauren off of me and walked over to the person under the sheet. #400080 ">I suggest thoughts go in italics.

I reached up for the sheet and my hand hesitated for a second, but then I ripped the sheet back. Brianna's beautiful blond hair was matted with crimson blood, her face had red finger prints on her cheek. My eyes went lower, and I saw that she had been stabbed in the stomach. Her white shirt and green jacket were completely drenched.

"No!" I said loudly, maybe even screamed. Tears began rolling down my face. I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I turned, I saw Brianna's dad. I began to say "I-" But I couldn't finish. I broke down in tears. Mr.Carter wrapped me in a hug, and we both just stood there next to Brianna's body crying.