Lightly drop the silken sparks,
Lost in a world gray and stark,
Tingling,
And mingling,
Collectively leaving their ivory mark.
-
Effigies of heaven, frozen in time,
Lost in the expanse as none seem to rhyme,
Falling,
And calling,
Tasteless morsels on tongues which chime.
-
When last we met a season ago,
I laid and made angels from you, you know.
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Lightly drop the silken sparks- this line is beautiful. The first line shows a great deal of eloquence and i just started reading it.
lost in a world gray and stark- to me this line states that the lives of men have taken advantage of this world. Replacing it with a superficial world that has gray skies and stark trees.
Collectively leaving their ivory mark- this line is beautiful. The poem as a whole is as beautiful as the moonless sky above us.
Frozen in time- so it seems that the world doesn't age. Forever life. That would be aggravating never leaving this world.
Lol, I'm surprised that you found so much meaning in my poem, but it was actually just about snow, nothing else.
"Lost in a world gray and stark," This line is actually envisioning what it looks like when it's dusk, there's no wind, and there's a heavy snowfall. The clouds cover and shroud out the falling sun, and everything is gray.
Hello AEChronicle! Here's a review for you, as promised! I prefer reviewing poetry, but I'll look at your other stuff just in case! Alright, so how I do this on review days is I'll give you a list of pros and cons, then my favorite part, then an overall summary. Here we go!
Cons:
1. The last stanza completely broke the flow for me. It was only two lines and seemed really abrupt. I would have liked to read more about your sister's view on winter! It was like a cliffhanger at the end of your favorite book that makes you mad at the author. (I'm not mad at you, just an example) So, maybe keep the poem through an entire other stanza. Or perhaps you did that on purpose.....
Pros:
1. Throughout this poem, I had an amazing sense of imagery. You did a great job with that, so congrats!
2. I really liked the parts where you said:
Tingling,
And mingling,
AND ALSO...
Falling,
And calling,
Those parts made the poem better for me...
3. Spelling and grammar were up to par on this, and I loved it!
Favorite part was........
Lightly drop the silken sparks,
Lost in a world gray and stark,
Tingling,
And mingling,
Collectively leaving their ivory mark.
Overall, this was a beautiful work! I loved it so much! So, keep writing and keep smiling! Oh yeah, one more thing! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol! See ya around the site and in the reviews!
Hey AEChronicle, I believe I haven't reviewed for you yet! I'm honestly shocked.
What a poem to introduce your writing style. I really did like this. The imagery was so fluent. Imagine a beautiful river, hidden behind the pines, just flowing. Listen to the crickets and birds. That's how I felt when I read this poem. This is a great poem. I imagine winter when I read this. This is straight out a beautiful poem. I love this. The pattern is excellent. Am I exaggerating? I don't know. I just like this so much. My favorite lines were
Lightly drop the silken sparks,
Lost in a world gray and stark,
Tingling,
And mingling,
Collectively leaving their ivory mark.
Bravo. I have no cons for this
Overall, FANTASTIC
Strange gives you...
9.98/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy
-Wheatus approves!-
Sorry about my blank reply before! It was a mistake >.> But on to the poem!
I especially like "Collectively leaving their ivory mark"
This is stunning! Your meticulously crafted imagery and wordplay is delightful
and
"When we met a season ago, I laid and made angels from you, you know."
I have just a few suggestions, but feel free to take from it what you want!
Firstly, your use of internal and end rhymes throughout this work feels consistently effortless, except for "Lost in the expanse for none seem to rhyme." The meaning of this statement is a little unclear, and you might want to consider playing with other words that might rhyme with "time". (Line? Mind? Wind?)
Lastly, I found the end of the poem very moving. In it, the tone of the narrator changes from that of an awed observer to an intimate friend who is addressing the snow directly. I think you could even add more stanzas with this theme in mind, because it's very beautiful.
I love your work!
Thank you for the review. I understand what you're saying about, "Lost in the expanse for none seem to rhyme." I've had to explain this to every other person that reviewed the poem. I sat forever trying to come up with something that rhymed, and this line fit because; no two snowflakes are a like, and when there's falling snow there are millions and millions of flakes, so not one snowflake stands out.
That makes sense, and it's a very beautiful aspect of snow that you're trying to capture, but it's important to communicate your meaning to the reader. Good luck! You have a lot of talent!
Thanks
After the prestige of your last work, I had to read this one. XD
So here we go...
Lightly drop the silken sparks, - love the alliteration.
Lost in a world gray and stark, - should be 'grey' I think. But good description.
Tingling, - sensory input = gooooooooooood
And mingling, - rhyming is great.
Collectively leaving their ivory mark. - this is such intriguing language to use to describe scar.
-
Effigies of heaven, frozen in time, - religious imagery works well.
Lost in the expanse as none seem to rhyme, - slightly confused about the significance of this line, but it sounds cool.
Falling, - these participles work really well.
And calling, - this really builds dramatic anticipation.
Tasteless morsels on tongues which chime. - great alliteration here too. Well done.
-
When last we met a season ago, - aww, this little inclusion is so personal.
I laid and made angels from you, you know. - I love it. It also seems very bittersweet.
You have a way with words my friend.
Something I can only describe amaze-balls.
Thank you for the review. To put to rest the two parts where you were confused, the color Gray is spelled Gray. Grey refers to a name, usually, but can be a verb, though it's hard to use it as one.
For the other thing, the part where I wrote, "Lost in the expanse as none seem to rhyme," I agree with you, it is a bit confusing. No one has gotten it yet. What I'm referring to is that, because there are so many snowflakes, millions and millions, and no two are alike, they're kind of on their own.
Hoped that helped you understand it. And thanks for the review.
There's not much for me to say, except that the imagery is stunning here. I love how the poem covey winter so beautifully through both your language and the imagery it has created.
Referring to snowflakes as silken sparks is simply stunning, and the rhyming here doesn't seem forced at all.
I just love the language here.
Oh and the ending is very simple but is very sweet. Great job!
-S.s
Thanks.
Hi there!
I was quite impressed with the imagery you provide in your poem. You describe the flakes nicely and with imagination. Although some, I not quite understand.
Also by giving a matching rhyme. It gives the aesthetic value in a poem. Even though written in free verse, choosing to produce the end rhyme is a worthwhile thing to do.
Another thing I like about the poem is its unique shape. You break the lines(short and long sentence) in order to give an impact in the poem and then centered them to create the uniqueness with their own strength. It can also affect the way the reader read your poem.
IDEA
I'm not convinced by these lines. About what is actually the purpose that is trying to convey to represent the flakes (snow - you mention 'season' at the end of the poem. Immediately I thought of winter).
I totally liked this part. The last two lines enough to bring the perfect end to your poem. But I think the last two words here ruins this part.
Overall, really nice poem to read! I hope to see more poems from you soon
Keep writing,
Kudos, cheers.
Thanks for reading it. I'll explain what I was trying to convey that you didn't understand,
"Lightly drop the silken sparks,
Lost in a world gray and stark,"
Here I'm referring to the snowflakes as little sparks of light, since they glint in the sun. The silk is because they are soft and fragile. And they are lost in the world because when it snows, usually, everything is all gray and dismal with the cloud cover, and everything is white, so the individual snowflakes don't stand out.
"..Lost in the expanse as none seem to rhyme,
...Tasteless morsels on tongues which chime."
Here again I'm mentioning that there's lots of snow so each individual flake seems to be insignificant. "None seem to Rhyme" is referring to the fact that no two snowflakes are alike. And obviously "Tasteless morsels" refers to trying to eat the snowflakes, which offers virtually no sensations, yet you always see people eating them. People catch the snowflakes on their tongues, and tongues make noises, hence the "chime."
As for your last concern about the last two words, I kind of agree, but I sat for awhile trying to figure out how to make it rhyme and still flow, and that was the best I could come up with.
OMGOSH THAT SO SWEET! I t was like I was re-living everything I used to do as a child in the winter. It makes me sad that I dont let myself enjoy this kind og happiness more often. This poem was so simple and sweet that it made me want to be five years old ago. I especially liked this. "When last we met a season ago, I laid and made angels from you, you know. " This took me back to years ago.Thanks so much for that.
Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Hello! I really enjoyed reading this poem. The descriptions are great, and the playful tone helped to put a vivid picture in my head.
I especially like this line. All of the descriptions are very unique, and they make the poem very enjoyable.
The only suggestion I have is to make it longer. I think adding another stanza could improve it.
This line confused me. I don't really see why effigies would rhyme. Maybe I'm just missing something, but you might want to put something here that fits slightly better, especially since the poem is so short.
Aside from that, I only have one small nitpick to make.
I believe that should be "lay" rather than "laid."
I really like the closing lines of the poem, how you address the snow. This is great work, and I hope you keep writing!
Thanks for the uplifting words. In answer to the first confusion you had, when I said, "Lost in the expanse as none seem to rhyme," I can see what you mean, but I put it that way on purpose. No two snowflakes are alike, and my little sister said they were like stars, hence "Effigies of Heaven" and "None seem to rhyme." For the small nitpick you had, it was originally lay, but I changed it because I wanted to refer to the snow in a past tense way.
Thanks for the review!
Your poetry just always takes my breath away! Your writing style is so fluid, so elegant. All of your poems sound so mature and professional. They really are stunning, I think that, technically, yours are some of the best poems I've ever read here, and I mean that. I always look forward to seeing you publish new poems. You amaze me.
The only thing I can even pretend to critique is that the last line doesn't flow quite as well as the rest, but I think it still works really well.
Thank you very much. And yah, the last line is a little out of place, but I sat there for about half an hour trying to figure out what to put after,
"Effigies of heaven, frozen in time,
Lost in the expanse as none seem to rhyme,
Falling,
And calling,"
I couldn't come up with anything that rhymed, so, I was just happy to finish it.
Well, I liked the way you ended with just two lines, and they were two of my favorite lines. I just felt that I needed to come up with something to make it a review, so I just pointed that out. Really, it was my favorite bit though
Okay, lol. Thanks.