Eleanor *Novel in Progress* PROLOGUE • Young Writers Society

Eleanor Novel in Progress PROLOGUE

Suddenly, all the familiarity disappears. I look around to find the person. He is nowhere to be seen. I slip my hand into my shirt to feel my heartbeat. It is too fast. If Daddy is here, what would he do? I open my mouth to scream, only to realize that there is no sound. My fingers wrap around my throat, urging it. Still, there is only silence.

My shirt is sticky from the humidity, my skin itchy from mosquito bites. I do not even think of the diseases that could infect me. I pray silently, mouthing out the prayer. Now, all I can think of, is going home.

Comments

Points: 9395
Reviews: 204

Donate

Wed Sep 22, 2021 8:05 pm

EllieMae wrote a review...

Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

I’m really liking this so far. I love the prologue. I love the way that makes me feel and the intensity that you’re up to it. It is quite short but he gets right to the point. I am so excited to read the rest of this, so I’m going to hop over to chapter one right now

Points: 253363
Reviews: 4096

Donate

Wed Sep 22, 2021 6:21 pm

KateHardy wrote a review...

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Suddenly, all the familiarity disappears. I look around to find the person. He is nowhere to be seen. I slip my hand into my shirt to feel my heartbeat. It is too fast. If Daddy is here, what would he do? I open my mouth to scream, only to realize that there is no sound. My fingers wrap around my throat, urging it. Still, there is only silence.

My shirt is sticky from the humidity, my skin itchy from mosquito bites. I do not even think of the diseases that could infect me. I pray silently, mouthing out the prayer. Now, all I can think of, is going home.

Okay...so we've got ourselves a pretty short little prologue although the title does make me question a little bit about whether maybe this prologue is only a partial piece of the whole, if considering there are other chapters of this story published, its just meant to be this short.

It looks like we've got a fairly young person here as the main character judging by how they appear to be looking around for their father, but it is a bit harder to say cause we don't get too much context there. At any rate, this little arc adds a nice extra touch of mystery to this piece here.

The idea of this person sitting there and feeling their heartbeat is a really interesting one, I'm not sure if this is something that happens as a result of some sort of attack or something that occured or if perhaps this is something that the person did simply to find some comfort in what appears to be a pretty stressful situation here. Either way, it seems to mention something more than what just the simple act of the heartbeat. The minimal description we get here is pretty clear in showing something major has happened and the ending with this person almost a bit lost and hoping for some way to be safe is pretty clear there.

Overall, despite being as short as it is, it manages to be a pretty powerful piece here and I think it sounds like the start to a story that I'd potentially read.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Points: 1067
Reviews: 8

Donate

Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:03 am

ADream says...

Actually, I intended for it to be "the person" because I didn't want to disclose the gender.
Feeling her heartbeat is something of her habit, there is a story behind it, and it will be written later on.

Points: 18486
Reviews: 522

Donate

Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:14 am

Lavvie wrote a review...

Hi Dream! Lavvi here to review as requested.

So this is a little short to give a full review, but I'll try my best.

This is definitely an appealing prologue/start to a novel. I'm curious about what's coming, what this is about. You've obviously got the draw-the-audience-in-quickly part down pat. So I'll focus on something else at the moment.

NITPICKS

I look around to find the person.

This is an awkward word to put here. It ruins the fluidity of your talent and it's very unspecific. I know that that's what you're trying to aim for, but you can specific while not being specific. I make sense, no? xD What I mean is: the word "him" would work better here by infinite amounts.

I slip my hand into my shirt to feel my heartbeat.

Seriously? Think hard. Would someone actually do this? I find it kind of...bizarre for a person of right mind to stick their hand over their heart to feel their heartbeat. Sure, you can do it over the shirt but under...? It's just...weird. My opinion only, however.

It's a nice, suspenseful start!

Yours,
Lavvi

Points: 1617
Reviews: 112

Donate

Mon Apr 18, 2011 11:17 pm

mellophone7 says...

I like this! It's descriptive, and I can picture it perfectly in my head. Good job!

Points: 1067
Reviews: 8

Donate

Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:19 am

ADream says...

Thank you!
I would make it longer, but I didn't know how.

Points: 1276
Reviews: 378

Donate

Sun Apr 17, 2011 2:19 pm

Soulkana wrote a review...

Well this is an interesting start. I could picture this very clearly in my head; my word is to make it longer. Other than that this is a very good story and can't wait for you to post more! Good luck and keep up the fabulous work!!!! Happy Writing!!! and Welcome to Young Writers Society!
Soulkana<3

Young Writers Society

Eleanor Novel in Progress PROLOGUE

Comments

Sponsors

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources