Writers

Make no mistake when you attempt to
Gouge out our tongues
For each one is a
Thousand tongues of fire.
So we shall summon the scorch of the
Hyena of infernal
To lick away your precious ‘right’, I love this line.
Defile and dishonor, blacken your little
‘Good’.

Dare not touch what cannot
Be said.
So take away your burnt paws, "burnt" Doesn't evoke enough imagery here, why not "scorched" or "seared"?
Go heal in the small corners of your flawless heartThis line is also amazing
And know you shall never attain the status
Of a beautiful mind.

I love those two stanzas, they really make this stand out. Other than my little critique (which you can take or leave) I love pretty much all of this poem. It's a great length, there's nice imagery, and I enjoyed reading it. Overall, great poem. I hope you keep writing.

Aw! I think everyone on this website can relate to this.

I think your imagery is fantastic! *bows down to you*

Here are some thoughts:

So we stand crucified on a thought
With untreated magic bloodying through us. (I'd change it to: With magic bloodying us inside.)
Like the darkness holds the night sky
Our lies sustain the truth.
We are martyrs of what is human.
And words you dare not murmur
Roar
Through us.



Make no mistake when you attempt to
Gouge out our tongues
For each one is a
Thousand tongues of fire.
So we shall summon the scorch of the
Hyena of infernal
To lick away your precious ‘right’,
Defile and dishonor, blacken your little
‘Good’. (Such an AMAZING image!!!)

Dare not touch what cannot
Be said.
So take away your burnt paws,
Go heal in the small corners of your flawless heart (Love this. Want to say this to so many people 'trying to help')
And know you shall never attain the status
Of a beautiful mind.


And every scream of terror is well deserved
As you do not know
How it is
When thousand white-hot words
Within you
Destroy just to be written.

Keep writing!

Your poem seems a bit like a sketch. There's so much to it that I feel you wanted to express, but somewhere between your thoughts and the paper some imagery got lost.
Were you trying to express what unwritten words (that are wanting to be written) does to a person? I got a bit confused in trying to follow.

So we stand crucified on a thought
With untreated magic bloodying through us.
Like the darkness holds the night sky
Our lies sustain the truth.
We are martyrs of what is human.
And
Words you dare not murmur
Roar
Through us.

i felt this was an excellent start to the poem. If you were going for a dramatic feel to the poem in put 'and' and 'roar' in separate lines, I believe a comma still could have done that

And every scream of terror is well deserved
As you do not know
How it is
When thousand white-hot words
Within you
Destroy just to be written.

This was my favourite part, as I think it came the closest to expressing what I thought you wanted to express

This is indeed a good poem, just in need of a little reviewing. Try not think so much on the words and just let them come to you so as to be fully understood and expressed.
Keep writing, welcome (i'm new here as well so feel free to message) to YWS. Enjoy writing and DFTBA!!