Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
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http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/04/the-last-all-nighter/?_r=1
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Same as HomeschooledTeen, with something this personal, I am hesitant to review it. However, I owe it to you as a fellow author. So I'll try not to be a butthead about it.
First, there is very little dialogue. I understand that too much dialogue can clog a story, but every good story needs a little conversation.
Second, this short story seems like you are telling the story of your life, rather than a narrative. A biography, rather than short fiction. I would've also liked a sooner gender identification at the beginning. At first I wasn't sure if "I" was a boy or a girl until you used the term "young man".
I don't know if this story is about you personally, or not. I thought you definitely captured the finer points of a drug addiction very well. I also loved that you included info on the recovery. I liked that you included the emotions and physical symptoms of withdrawal, because it is a point of recovery. Most of the stories that I have read that included addictions don't include info about recovery or withdrawal. The details you included made it seem so much more realistic, and personal.
Great job on the story, I'm excited to hear more from you
I almost don't want to review this, since it is seems so, I don't know, personal. But here goes nothing.
I'm going to make some slight corrections where I think this needs improvement. If any of this annoys you, please ignore me. I'm not trying to offend you, I simply want this piece to be the best that it can be.
This is rated for language, and yet the language really isn't there. Everyone understands what you are implying, but if you rate it for language then I personally think that the language should be there.
I agree with Snoink, you should add a little more backstory to this, like how your family reacted or responded to all of this. I would like to see more on the daughter, personally.
I can't really tell if this is real or fiction. That's a good thing, I suppose.
I think that you wrote this really well, and I hope that you continue it.
Yay! I love happy endings! Happy endings to drug abuse stories make me even happier! After all, who wouldn't want to have a successful recovery? This is a good thing!
First things first... you needn't self-censor yourself! You are awesome and rated the story properly, so you don't have to use asterisks in the various places.
Second... you talk about your daughter's mother! She seems to be a key person in your story, but you barely mention her at all! Maybe you can go a little bit more into her background so that we have a bit of an idea of who she is? It'll help us understand this key moment better.
Still, I like the story! After all, who doesn't like recovery?
Keep going, and welcome to YWS!