This is the new and updated version of the prologue for 'I am.' I didn't want to delete the other one, so I just decided to re-write it, with the same ideas as before, just adding more detail into it. Hope you like it.
Prologue
The day that the Scientist came for me started off like any other day. A day that turned into a long, desperate search for a little seven year old girl. Me.
Earlier that day, I had had breakfast with my parents.I was then sat down in the back of the car, with my parents making sure my seat-belt was done up properly before we set off. Nothing abnormal about that, is there? Where we were meant to be going, however, I never found out. We stopped off at a petrol station during our long journey to the surprise destination, and I got out of our car with my mum's permission, to stretch my legs. The last thing I remember before I was kidnapped was my mum telling my dad of how sure she was that I was going to love my surprise. That moment will always haunt me.
When I finally woke up, during the journey to the place that I came to nickname 'Hell on Earth,' the Scientist told me over and over and over and over again how very lucky I was to be chosen for this 'brilliant experiment' of his. How much I was going to help 'speed the process up.' How I was to be rewarded when everything worked out the way it was supposed to. He wasn't mad exactly, but there was something that glinted in his eyes that told me that if he wasn't mad, then he was most definitely just evil. Not that that was much of a comfort, but at least he was sane I suppose.
Five years later and I'm still being held captive by this evil genius. I've been prodded and poked and examined, so that this Scientist can perfect his cloning experiment. I'm just a test subject, so that one day he can kidnap a kid born to a very wealthy family (the one he really wants,) clone them, give them back to their family, control them throughout the years that they grow up and one day when they inherit the fortune he can become filthy rich. That's the plan anyway. However, I know he's close to a breakthrough so I need to hurry up with the escape plan I've been working on for the last five months, four days, eleven hours and fifty five minutes. The day I realised this was when I found out two things. The first thing was that I could read minds, the second being that I could actually move things with my mind. Obviously all that time being experimented on had unlocked some dormant powers in my brain and this pleased the Scientist immediately. Anything that pleases the Scientist immediately makes me wary.
Fortunately, my escape route is now ready. Unfortunately, I'm currently stuck, sat beneath a big table in one of the many halls in this god-damned place. Luckily, this one has a big white cloth slung over it, so it provides me with good cover. The stone is cold and uncomfortable and hard beneath my body, and this stupid hospital gown isn't doing very much to keep me warm. Every so often, I hear footsteps marching methodically by and am terrified that I will be found. Will be dragged away screaming. Nobody's found me yet, but given my past luck I'm not so sure that it'll hold out for much longer.
Suddenly, I hear my stomach rumble and wince. It's not surprising really, as the food I'm given is like being given nothing to eat at all, but I don't breathe freely until a goodly amount of time has passed and I still haven't been caught. The footsteps don't stop and I inwardly breathe a sigh of relief. This relief isn't to last long though, as somewhere in the distance a warning alarm starts to blare. The feeling of hunger goes as quickly as it came, as I'm sure that I have finally been discovered to be missing from where I'm meant to be. So I feel out with my mind to make sure no soldiers will be passing this way in the next five minutes. Satisfied, I quickly role out from under the table, picking up the shovel that I'd stolen from the gardener's shed, which was on the fourth floor of this blasted complex.
I walk quickly to the Scientist's library, pausing outside of it to make sure no one is inside. Nothing. Silence. I decided long ago that that's the best kind of noise anyone makes around here. I open the door and slip inside, my eyes darting all over the room to make sure it was indeed empty before I proceed. Finding no one, I slip between the bookshelves until I find the big Persian rug. The slab that is loose is hidden under there, this is where my escape route begins. I pull it up and concentrate with all of my strength on lifting the stone. Having shoved it aside as much as I dare, I drop downwards into the hole beneath, making sure that I seal the stone above me into place so that it could never be lifted. And then making sure that the rug is in place too. This gift has really come in handy at times, let me tell you. Ironic that, considering.
I pause before I go any further, lifting my hand to the base of my throat, where a gold, heart-shaped necklace sits. The only thing I own. I can't even remember who gave it to me anymore. I breathe in deeply, the air within the tunnel that I have dug musty and damp, but somehow fresher than the air that I've been breathing in constantly for the last five years. I start crawling forwards down my tunnel.
And I never look back.
To add, maybe the next step (in later drafts) would be to add a sort of mood into your description, an atmosphere. Word choice is reeeally important in those cases. For example, if you want to give this sort of severe, austere setting, you could mention the empty spaces. Drabness. All pointed corners. At least that sort of thing gives me the feeling that this place is austere and not a fun place to be.
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