Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
This is a joke. It has to be the universe playing a joke on me. I mean, you wouldn't think that the universe could be this cruel, but how else am I stuck, hiding under a table, waiting to escape from another prison, exactly a year from the day that I escaped from the Scientist's lair? If this isn't a side-effect of the god-damned universe's warped sense of humor, then I don't know what is. Of course, it could be just a case of extraordinarily bad luck, but I know better now.
At least, I should know better by now.
Thankfully for my sanity, it isn't long before I see my chance to escape. Those poor, simple-minded humans, with their ordinary brains, so unlike mine, have no chance of catching me. They could look forever and not find me. Not now I have time to actually think. And my gifts are so much stronger than they were five years ago; they've grown with me. They just happened to catch me unawares yesterday evening, sleeping under that fucking bridge. Not where I hoped to see myself in a years time, but hey - life is cruel. I was caught off-guard. Even if I am slightly pissy and liable to sleep too soundly because I'm a girl and I'm, um suffering at the moment so badly, I swore to myself a year ago to the day that I would never be put behind bars again. And yet last night still happened.
I am an idiot. Such an idiot.
I grit my teeth and roll out from under the table, not allowing myself the satisfaction of standing and stretching my legs, only to go and get caught again. That will not happen. I will not act like an idiot twice in two days.
The corridor this table is situated in is dark and dingy and too small - and I need to get out right now. My claustrophobia is making this whole problem ten times worse. Another curse from the five year long sleepover at the Scientist's.
I come to the end of the corridor, ready to shield my eyes from the blinding light from the windows, but even then the light is so bright it was hard to see. A police officer sits at the desk in the back left-hand corner of the room. As soon as he catches sight of me, he goes to push a warning button on the wall behind him, but with a barely perceptible flick of my fingers, the power of my mind leashes his movements - he isn't moving a muscle until my say so.
The fact that there is only one in the foyer bothers me a bit. I mean, they know that I am dangerous... different.
So where are they all? Where are they hiding?
My answer comes soon enough.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hey ABC123! I'm gonna jump right into the review, but with that being said, please feel free to disregard any of my comments or suggestions should you find them unhelpful.
What I liked:
While I cannot relate to what the character is going through (for obvious reasons, lol), This statement is a very relateable one. Not to mention, a very interesting way to start the story off for sure.
I love that we get to know exactly how the character feels about their circumstances throughout the story. It's rather... dare I say amusing at times.
This is a very smart decision for a character to make. I like that she is smart and determined. We're already getting a good idea of how strong-willed she seems to be.
This part was my favorite, it is the reason I'm hooked at the moment. It makes me want to learn more about her... How is she able to do this? Was she born this way, or was her stay with the "scientist" the reason why she is able to do this?
My Suggestions/Comments:
Not really a suggestion, but this really makes me wonder... If she's not a human, per say, then what exactly is she?
Since it's a story, I would spell out the numbers, but that's just my opinion I suppose.
That's it. Your story leaves us on a cliffhanger, waiting to find out what happens next as the "dangerous" person must be on their way. I'm eager to read more!
Keep writing,
-Katja
Hi Katja, thanks for the review, suggestions have been noted!
ABC123
Hi, so let's get into this review.
What I liked
I like your opening. The first paragraph of any story is considered the most important as it is supposed to catch the reader's attention. Yours was able to.
Grammar
I saw a few errors which I am pointing out.
Of course, it could be just a case of extraordinary bad luck, but I know better now.
Use the word extraordinarily instead of extraordinary.
As soon as he saw me, he went to push a warning button on wall behind him,
Add 'the' before wall.
but with a flick of my mind he wasn't moving a muscle until my say so.
Add a comma after mind.
I grit my teeth and role out from under the table
I think you meant roll instead of role.
Overall
I think this is a really amazing story and I will be looking forward to the following chapters.
-Prachi
Prachi, thanks for the review, really helpful. ABC123
Glad I could help