Young Writers Society

Hi there, 95lines! Belated welcome to the site - I hope you're enjoying it here! If you ever have any questions about how things work, or just want to chat about poetry, I'm always glad to help :)

Onto a review! The biggest thing of note, to me, is the choices you made in the two separate sections of the poem. So I'm going to structure my review as a comparison of the two parts, talk about the choices you made, the differences between the sections, and the overall effect!

First Section
Stylistic choices
* longer lines
* smooth line breaks
* concrete, literal images
* capitalizing just the first letter of every sentence (sentence case)
* no use of parenthesis

I'm a big fan of this section. I love how alive and gritty the descriptions you use are - it comes across as very honest and genuine, much like if I was really just listening to someone's stream of thoughts (made poetic, of course). I like how you choose not to turn this section into a critique of "the moms" and how they acted on the show, but instead, just an observation of their humanity and have the narrator recognize that same type of humanity in themself.

A lot of people have gone through the very thing you're describing (going to a bar and hollering drunkenly to songs, or going to a concert and doing the same thing sober). That puts you at risk of having the poem come across as cliche, or just too generic, but you totally avoided both these pitfalls! Instead, it feels relatable, and also quite genuine and personal. I think the main reason for this is how you give the narrator a specific voice by using vocabulary and tone, instead of just creating a faceless manikin. Additionally, you reference very specific, unique & evocative ideas that are specific to the narrator (ie the show they've watched, their age, etc.).

Second Section
Stylistic choices
* shorter lines
* jolting line breaks
* abstract, less literal images
* capitalizing the first letter of every line
* uses parenthesis

This second section feels much more emotional, subjective, and impulsive than the first section (which feels more like an impartial and semi-objective description of what's going on by the narrator). There's a total shift in formatting, tone, and even sentence structure. It's a bit unexpected for the reader, kind of like when you suddenly lurch to a stop at a traffic light; a change in pace.

I'm not as big a fan of the stylistic choices in this section, but I do acknowledge that that is totally a matter of personal taste, and doesn't indicate that this section is necessarily less strong poetically. I feel less connected to the narrator here, and I think that's because some element of it comes across as less genuine to me. I feel like the voice of the narrator here (assuming it's the same person talking) is noticeably off from the voice in the first section, and it feels a bit less distinctive. The imagery is also less unique and feels just like generic poetic descriptions to me; " It blooms in my chest, / Like a fire in a bush" and "It blooms again, / A flower unwatered for so long", for instance. I do recognize some biblical references here, to the burning bush, so I totally understand why you'd choose that image - it just doesn't really speak to me as much because I've heard it before.

That being said, I do enjoy some tastefully used parenthesis in poetry, and I think you used them quite well here! I like how you use them to add poetic side-notes to the poem, if that makes sense.

Circling back -> I'm curious if perhaps the second section is in fact from a different perspective than the first. Another interpretation I had while reading was that the second section is actually from the perspective of "the moms" mentioned right at the start of the first part. That would explain the total shift in style, for sure, and also the shift in voice. Otherwise, this shift could just be to show how the narrator becomes totally absorbed in the music. I'd be interested to hear what your thought process and interpretation behind this was!

Overall - This was a really neat poem to read! I adored the first section, and while the second section was not as much my style, I still found the contrast between the two to be a super interesting and effective poetic technique. I hope this review proves useful for you, and if you have any questions about stuff I brought up or would like me to elaborate on something, just let me know!

Keep writing ^-^
Seirre

Heya this is just a quick comment, but you really captured what it feels like to be at a concert. I've only been to 2 concerts in my life and one was a virtual concert. I'm going to a concert later this year and these are almost the exact thoughts I have about what kind of a time I'll have there. Music is really an anomaly for humans, but a great one. Keep on writing!

I loved the message this poem gave! You can be young no matter what age you are.Your youth and growth can exist in harmony.It’s still there,your past self.A small light.It will grow brighter when it needs to shine bright.No version of you dies unless you kill it.Every part of you contributes to yourself today.I hope that you will have an awesome day and night.