This is how much I love you.
Love doesn't even come close to what I feel for you, there are no words and yet I feel that I can't stop talking about you. You made me fall in love with you, forced upon me this feeling of emptiness when ever I am without you. I write this now, knowing what you are about to do to me, it will be out of love that you kill me and I know that now. I long to stroke your auburn curls behind your ear and to press my lips angainst your jaw. What colour could I call your skin but pure, nothing compares, no rose is soft enough, no snowflake is clear enough to be you. Those eyes, that I shall never truely see again, I will never forget. Emerald and jade collide in the space of your eyes and form a deep black abyss in the centre that captured my sole the first time that I looked into them. If you were an animal you would be mythical, a phoenix, an orange blaze in a world of blue and grey. I am no words- smith but with you as my inspiration I am Shakespear.
You always hated it when I would try to drink, I know it has no effect on me but what else should I do? What would any man do when they know that within twenty four hours they will be stone and have left their love alone in the coldest winter of evil and darkness. For not having fixed it all I feel that Iam not worth the golden wings that I carry, I have let you down my dear, if I was half the man any human would be to you everything would be okay. I would have made my life here worth it all and fixed you, fixed the world that you live in. I failed you in imortality and in humanity, my only hope is that you find your equal and are in love forever.
Though I will be stone in just a few short hours my heart will bleed all through eternity for you my dear,
my name is not worth the paper in which I write but here it is, beacause I want to make you smile one last time,
Eternity of undying love,
Caeleb.
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141,610 Literary Works • 675,141 Reviews
Great story, you really captured the essence of romance and It really was a sad story! Beautiful piece of work! Keep it up
A blur. That was all that could be seen amongst the blanket of mist that slept on top of the hill. A black blur, gradually growing and expanding like fresh water spilt on a serviette. One had to squint his eyes hard to see a mere outline of what looked like, well, it looked like nothing, unless you counted a misshaped circle as an object. In fact, one might say that it looked like Sicily if one really enunciated the faint outlines that conspicuously created- s-sorry, I'm rambling again.
Anyway, this... blur, it really was puzzling. It seemed to fade in and out of the mist, like water receding down a plug hole, when the plug is pulled out of course. Then, like a tortoise waking up from hibernation, it moved. Slowly at first, with its movements sluggish and tired. Gradually, it increased th peace, until there it was, a black blur, whizzing around in the mist, cackling like a child set free into a playground. It really was odd, this blur, and alas, when the mist finally rose of that secluded spot at the top of the hill, the blur vanished. Lost in the wonders and undeniably perturbing dimensions of the universe.
So, there I was, a newspaper in one hand, standing on the top of the misty hill. I saw it, believe what you will, but I saw it. I had the privilege of seeing the Thing in the Mist.
Let's hope that one day, you'll see it to.
- J
Okay...so my problem with this is that it's just too sappy; I mean, it's literally oozing sap. The lines are dramatic and cliche, and I think that removes any sense of honesty in the process. It would be nice to see a less stilted and formal personality that could really capture our feelings emotionally. This, of course, is all opinion, and I'm sure that there will be others who like this piece quite a lot, so stylistically I can give you nothing BUT opinion, but I believe that's where your weakness lie in this piece.
I noticed a misspelling here or there, but those are minor issues that can easily be fixed. Work on developing your character's voice above all else. :]
Keep writing!
thanks for your review, the idea was sap though so maybe its just not your cup of tea. this wasnt the best part of my novel to post as the context is not known to the reader. Your comments are helpful though