z

Young Writers Society


12+

Homecoming

by 781228


HOMECOMING

Home is ever the north of my every direction

On a path that points to a blissful retrospection

Memories and moments that will forever true

Every wonder in this world cannot be in lieu

Coming home's like memory turning her longing gaze

On a place she once spent the solace of by-gone days

My heart that lays there, always and forever wistful

In a time frozen, everlasting and beautiful

Nevermore will reminisce that day I can roam

Gleefully! Now I can say, “I am finally home.”


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16 Reviews


Points: 273
Reviews: 16

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Wed May 14, 2014 3:32 pm
TrudiRose wrote a review...



Hey there, here to review your poem!

Firstly I have to say I really enjoyed this poem. I liked the rhyming pattern - actually I liked the fact that you rhymed at all, not many poems seem to do that on this site - and you picked unusual words to make the rhymes work, like direction and retrospection and also roam and home which are almost like opposite words so that was cleverly done.

My only criticism is that maybe it could have been a little bit longer just so that the last line's 'finally' can be emphasised a little more but on the whole a good poem that was well put together and cleverly thought out.

Well done! :)




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241 Reviews


Points: 286
Reviews: 241

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Wed May 14, 2014 1:22 pm
Jonathan wrote a review...



Hey 781228 Jonathan here for a review forgive me if it lacks awesomeness because I haven't done a review in forever.

Anyways you start of real well but you have no punctuation at the beginning which makes it sound weird (I have a lot of problems with it myself, but if you read this without stopping at all it really doesn't sound to good).

Otherwise this is really really great it is well worded maybe a little to well worded, and you don't need to say the title over again. :P

Best peace I have read in poetry so far.

Good luck.

~Jonathan~



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781228 says...


I appreciate it. Thank you!



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72 Reviews


Points: 2047
Reviews: 72

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Wed May 14, 2014 9:32 am
GrapeNerd wrote a review...



Hi! So I'm guessing you're from the Philippines, as well?

Well anyway, this poem was really well written, and I love the rhythm and rhyme! As I was reading, I noticed the lack of punctuation, but aside from that, I don't find anything wrong! This really is a great poem, and I truly enjoyed reading it. I hope to read more of your works in the future, but till then, keep writing!

Cheers,
GrapeNerd



Random avatar
781228 says...


Thank you so much! You're also from the Philippines? Mabuhay! hehe. I'll keep the punctuation errors in mind. Thank you again!




"And the rest is rust and stardust."
— Vladimir Nabokov