terrible colors

Hey there 77479. So I've tried to break down your post in a number of ways and cannot seem to find a rhyme sceme. I've tried the one Princess did and this:

Oh those terrible colors
red,white,blue,
said,tight,do
red is when you said you might
then with white your schedule was tight
and oh boo hoo on blue
you said i do

and know we can't marry miss Suzie cue
because of those colors red white blue
and know we can't marry miss Suzie cue
because of those terrible colors red white and blue

and oh they might be the colors of our beautiful flag
but oh how they're bad
because you said you might
then your schedule was tight
and then what a fright
you said i do to Mr.jonathan woo
and know i sit at home
all alone
crying out oh boo hoo!

The rhymes sound alright, yet they are childish and it doens't really make sense. I tried to figure out what it was about, something about marriage? But still, the flow of the lines, as both Princess and I seperated it, is not very good. It basically doesn't flow. At all. I think that you need to rethink this poem. It seems a little childish, but hey, if you came on here to develop as a poet or writer than I can't really judge. In my opinion there's not a whole lot to salvage from this poem. Try something a little deeper maybe? Sorry if this is harsh, I'm just trying to be honest and helpful

Kate

Hello there 77479.

Um. Are these supposed to by lyrics? Because they would go in the lyrics section. Thats completely different than lyric poetry.

First off, you really need to format this completely different, which I have done for you here:

Oh those terrible colors red,white,blue
,said,tight,do
red is when you said you might
then with white your schedule was tight
and oh boo hoo on blue you said i do
and know we can't marry miss Suzie cue
because of those colors red white blue

and know we can't marry miss Suzie cue
because of those terrible colors red white and blue
and oh they might be the colors of our beautiful flag
but oh how they're bad because you said you might
then your schedule was tight
and then what a fright you said i do
to Mr.jonathan woo and know i sit at home
all alone crying out oh boo hoo!

Thats all I can do for you. These lyrics are.. well.. Childish. Boohoo? Come on.

Try and make it more mature please.

-Emma