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Antiquated man

by 4revgreen


(A/N so I'm currently working on another idea for a novel about a girl who discovers her father is a disgraced ex-singer from a band that was famous in the late 80s/90s and in the story this is one of their most popular songs. It's meant to be kind of indie or punk style, or maybe a little like the Smiths. If I get the time over the summer I may record a version of it.)


Antiquated man

And as you slammed your fists against my door

I realised that I was surely meant for more

An antiquated man in a changing world

Who was surely meant for more, for more


Living and breathing yesterday, anachronism

Believing comes hard to those in atheism

It’s all moving too rapidly for a man like me

I find myself lost deep in alcoholism


And as you slammed your head against my door

I realised that I was sinking deeper into the floor

An antiquated man in a changing world

Who was surely meant for more, for more


I can’t help scraping my knees when I fall

Why do you make me feel aneurysmal?

Everything is changing but I’m stuck fast

Sucked in by some black wormhole


I was surely meant for more than this

I was surely never meant for this

I was surely meant for more than this

I was surely never meant for this


And as you slammed your body against my door

I realised that you were rotten to the core

An antiquated man in a changing world

Who was surely meant for more, for more


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174 Reviews


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Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:09 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



It was nice poem. I think you should proofread. I'm not good with that also. The category is off. It is not a romance. There are also many words besides "more."

Poems normally don't repeat the same words. A Thesaurus can help with that. if you practice more it would be better.

Keep writing! practice makes perfect!

~S.M.Locke~




4revgreen says...


Thank you for the review :-) These are actually song lyrics, rather than a poem, which is why there is a lot of repetitive language :-)



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Sat Mar 21, 2020 2:21 am
Lim June wrote a review...



Hi 4revgreen. I here for a short review.

1) I really love your poem, with amazing discribtive words. And I quite like the smith style.

2)You keep on spelling "realize" wrongly. You wrote "realised", so I suggestion you fixed it. I got bit confused on reading it with a misspell words.

3) I think you keep on using "more" in the poem. But can you use other words? Peoms usually has lot of synonyms. So maybe you should change it.

4)I don't really understand why you put this poem in romance. So you should check it again. If I'm the one who didn't notice, please do tell me.

5)Lastly, I'm sure there are other words that has same meaning with surely. You might want to change it, so you don't repeat one words too much.

Overall, wonderful poem.

Thank you

Keep on writing

>Lim June




4revgreen says...


Hi there. Realised is actually spelt right. In England we spell it with an S
It's actually a song, not a poem, which is why I used 'More' a lot :-) and 'surely'

It's in romance because it's about breaking up with someone, which would be considered a romance song despite being about falling out of love.

Thank you for the review :-)




I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
— Steven Wright