Published September 13, 2006
The ashtray was the first thing Kate saw that morning. She stared at it for a while, her body paralysed by tiredness. She had sat up and yawned loudly before noticing how full it was. Swinging her legs out of bed, she rubbed her sleepy eyes and looked down; something was stuck between her toes. She picked it up.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Umm...well this is the first tiny story that I ran into that doesn't seem to be at least trying to be a joke so I think this is an attempt at some kind of really short story or nanofiction is that was a thing 14 years ago because I honestly don't know. So putting that aside and reading this a couple of times I can see a story being told here. You seem to be trying to show that this Kate lady has some sort of smoking problem or something of the sort by the way that I interpret this. And I think this isn't that ambiguous so that's probably it.
Anyway let's get right to it,
So I see no typos which is always a plus. It is telling me that the word should be paralyzed but I think that one might just be because of British English vs American English. Besides that I think the one suggestion I'd have to improve this is to replace that semicolon with a full stop. Shortening that sentence there would increase its impact a little and I think would generally work better overall.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a nice very simple fic. It's showing one thing and I think that's a pretty strong little message that is being shown here and that's great. So overall just a wonderful little story that you have here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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