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by 322sivart

I looked into her eyes and wrapped my arms
around her waist. I was hundreds of feet in the air.
She came in closer to me and locked her hands
together behind my neck, and I kissed her.
Her breath was warm. I was ready to jump.
Her passionate, wet lips moved as she brought her body
closer to mine. I jumped off of the lift.
The snowflakes hit our faces and melted as we
breathed and kissed our last kiss.
I was in midair, ready to land on the slope.
I kissed her neck, and she touched her lips to
my cheek before pushing me away slightly.
My skiis brushed against the snow as I
made contact with the mountain. She caught me.
She smiled, and her beautiful eyes told me
something that she didn't have to say.
She loved me, too.

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12 Reviews

Points: 241
Reviews: 12

Fri Feb 25, 2011 8:19 pm
Kayde2 wrote a review...

Very nice. I loved the parallel throughout the whole story. It really kept my attention! I also noticed the grammer edit of changing "his" to "hit" but that was already pointed out. I would love to read more of your work!
Keep writing :)

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42 Reviews

Points: 2647
Reviews: 42

Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:14 pm
imaginemymind wrote a review...

This was a very cute poem. I really like the metaphor you used. It kept me wanting to read. I wanted to know if he hit the slope or if you added a twist , like him falling and the relationship turning sour (Sorry I'm a cynic hahaha) . But anyways there was only one mistake I found grammar wise:

The snowflakes#FF0000 "> his our faces and melted as we . . .
I'm sure you meant hit . Just a typo :)

Well apart from that everything was good. Just try to work a little more on your poems flow and repition :)
Great Job, Keep on writing ! -Imaignemymind

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Points: 1040
Reviews: 18

Wed Feb 23, 2011 1:44 am
loudnonesense wrote a review...

This was a very nice, cute and simple poem :)
I enjoyed reading it and I like how you kept saying how you were feeling. The anticipation of being ready to jump and then almost jumping and then, and then finally you jump and your skiis hit the slope.
Very good work, keep writing!

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1735 Reviews

Points: 91930
Reviews: 1735

Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:46 am
BluesClues says...

Not bad :) Very cute.

Isn't Prompt Attack just fun?


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23 Reviews

Points: 1313
Reviews: 23

Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:37 pm
easilyinspired says...

heyyy :D
I really like this, good job. Keep Writing! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Your hesitation suggests you are trying to protect my feelings. However, since I have none, I would prefer you to be honest. An artist's growth depends upon accurate feedback.
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