Published May 6, 2008
A couple of notes first:
I know that reading it through, the rhythm seems a little "bumpy" but there is a fitting melody which I'm quite happy with, especially since composing music isn't my forte.
I'm aware that "unwrite" isn't a real word but I really like the way it feels and sounds.
I'm not sure whether the bridge should be repeated or only sung through once...advice, please?
{Verse 1}
If you don’t want to find mistakes,
You can’t go looking for perfection.
A little time is all it takes
To put things back to how they were before.
I wish I’d realized all this before I ran away
I wish I hadn’t been so weak.
‘Cause now I’m staring through the looking glass
Reflecting on my shattered past,
The remnants driving deep into my heart.
{Chorus}
And now this breaking rain
Is falling on my skin
I left everything behind
When I should have let it in
And this breaking rain
Starts to weigh me down
I try to hold my breath
But I’m starting to drown
In this breaking rain
{Verse 2}
So many pages to unwrite
So many words that need replacing.
I hope one day I’ll find my light,
But what good ever came of wishing, waiting?
There was something there before.
I gave up everything I ever had a chance of being
I gave it all up and I don’t know why.
{Chorus}
And now this breaking rain
Is falling on my skin
I left everything behind
When I should have let it in
And this breaking rain
Starts to weigh me down
I try to hold my breath
But I’m starting to drown
In this breaking rain
{Bridge}
I’m falling deeper,
Deeper into reverie,
I’m falling deeper,
Deep into this broken sea
{Chorus}
I can feel it on my skin
I left everything behind
When I should have let it in
And this breaking rain
Starts to weigh me down
I try to hold my breath
But I’m starting to drown
In this breaking rain
There was something there before,
But there’s room for something more.
There was something there before
But there’s room for more.
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Canary word: Present
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141,491 Literary Works • 674,525 Reviews
After the update, the song is definetly improved. I'd make the 2nd verse a smidge longer, though. Perhaps another stanza.
Oh, and regarding the bridge, I disagree with Choco. I liked the bridge very much, and "reverie" is the perfect word to use.
Nice work!
This is really good. Will you have a recordig by any chance, because I really liked this, and I'd love to hear it sung. I could definetely hear it very well and I can see this becoming a really good song.
This is probably my favourite bit. You did a really good job. I ahve a nice little tune for the chorus that I wish I could sing to you.
I don't think you need to bridge really. The song would be better without it, I think. I'd get rid of it.
Overall, I really love this song. Do you have any more, becuse I'd really like to see them.
Good job!
Updated 27th June, 2008.
I changed the bridge a bit, and made the first verse slightly longer. I also wasn't too happy with the way it ended so I changed that as well.
I agree with DR.
The song was good but way to repeatative.
I did like it I will say that, but look over it and add a bit more
Awesome job though
~Lulu
I like it. a lot. But I think you need more verses and less chorus. it seems very repetitive. But that's just my opinion. I love the song though! It's well written! Keep it up. XD
Actually, I really liked this!
My favorite parts had to be the chorus and the bridge. The progression from breaking rain to a broken sea was very interesting, and the chorus flowed very well.
One the bridge, you might want to change "insanity" to another word. Look up a rhyming dictionary online if you can't think of one. Insanity just isn't a word I like in songs. Just a personal preference.
The verses were very good too. On paper, the rhythm is, indeed, akward, but I can see a way that it would work, and it would work well.
Overall, nice job. When my voice deepens and stops cracking, can I sing this song with my future band? I like it that much.