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Something happened Last night

by 1stseasonoftheyear


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

The sound of the glass vase shattering on the floor, made both of them jump out of whatever they were focused on. They didn’t know many things, but knew that it was the first time there was no chance they could read each other's mind. Thanks to Lucy, now they had to do something apart from staring away from each other. Lucy barked and left the scene. Maybe it was the broken glass, but even the dog didn’t want to be there.

Michael reached for a towel, to clean the mess without a second thought. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, but that blurred look in Joanna's eyes, made him want to clean the floor as fast as he could. A bleeding foot was the last thing he could handle right now. There was a lot that he couldn’t handle at the moment.

Joanna took the trash bin, and knelt beside him, bringing herself to help him clean the mess.

"Was it anything good?"

He said, which made Joanna's hand tremble. She couldn’t say a word. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what to say, it was just that she didn’t want to talk. So the answer came as a pair of round questioning eyes. She stood up, and sat on the counter hugging her legs.

"The vase I mean, was it anything expensive?"

Michael asked again, pretending that he really cared about the stupid vase. Joanna didn’t answer, and made him notice that the pale color of her face had a scared look within. Why would she be the scared one? After all it was Michael who was in trouble.

"Cause if so, I promise I'll buy you a new one. Or even better. I'll get you that thing from the Antique shop you always wanted. I'm sure it'll look quite good in the house. Matches everything and all."

He stopped a little too late. Maybe playing it cool like nothing happened wasn’t the wisest option. He felt the air getting colder, or was it just the fear he felt, seeing Joanna touching her lips. She always touched her lips before saying something serious. In this case something that could set fire to the whole place.

"It didn’t mean anything to you did it?"

She finally said it. At last she confronted the Storm they were facing. Oh what he would give now to go back to 5 minutes earlier. The 5 Minute of dark hollow silence.

"Joey, I'm sorry. I swear it was a onetime thing. It was a mistake. I swear it didn’t mean anything."

"I meant the vase Michael! It was yours. Someone gave it to you as a Gift."

"Oh was it? No, no babe…that's ok."

Damn! He thought to himself. She wasn’t talking about last night. She was talking about the stupid broken vase. Michael felt a short relief as the moment passed, and soon doubted it. She was a volcano, he thought, a volcano ready to explode any moment. He almost wished she would just scream, and hit him and get this over with. It couldn’t be worse than this choking denial. Could it?

Joanna washed her face in the Sink, and then glanced a few moments at the Remain of make up on the towel in her hands. Tears and make up. Had a glass of water, then cleared her throat and tried to say with the most normal sound she could come up with.

"What should we have for lunch?"

She asked while her voice still trembled.

"Wanna grab a bite at Bistro's?

"No, no, I don’t feel like going out. I'll cook something. Do you…um….do you like some…I don't know…spaghetti? Or some casserole? Do you love some mac and cheese? Michael do you love her?

"Joey what d…"

"OR FOR GOD'S SAKE MICHAEL! DO YOU FUCKING LOVE HER?"

She screamed and smashed the empty glass. The volcano burst into a puddle of tears.

Another towel. Another mess to clean. But this time Michael wasn’t sure he could do it.

"Come on darling, come on let's talk this through. Joey babe…"

He reached for her.

"Do not touch me."

She said with a robotic voice. Filled with all and no emotions at the same time.

"Okay babe, but could you please move? There's glass everywhere….come on let's sit on the Couch"

She agreed, but when he got to the Dining room, there was no place on the Couch for him to sit. She was laying. Of course she had the right to not wanting him beside her.

Michael sat on the Table facing her. He started talking even though he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. What do they really say in situations like this? What do they do to make everything the same as it used to be? Or is it possible at all?

"Joey I'm sorry. You can't imagine how sorry I am. I promise it won't happen again.no.no it won't. She was…I mean I was drunk. And she well…she was pushy. I'll ask Patrick to transfer me. I won't see her ever again. I'll change my job if you want me to do so. Joey…"

His eyes were getting teary and warm. There was this stingy feeling in his throat and it was then when he understood what he has done. He loved joey. He only loved her. And that was just the biggest mistake of his life he had done last night. He gulped that ocean of emotion down his throat and continued:

"Joey…I'm sorry babe…I'm just sorry…and I love you…god knows I love you so much…joey…are you listening to me?"

She had this distracted look in her eyes while playing with that book in her hand. Was she reading? Sure she loved to read, but how could she read at a time like that?

"Joey? Joey are you ok?....honey…HEAVEN'S SAKE SAY SOMETHING!"

It was a moment of anger, and the next thing he knew, he had slapped the book out of her hands. Almost slapping her face with it. Anger is a sudden kind of feeling. Like many other one of them, it can cause harmful damage, and Michael had already had too much of sudden kind of feelings, sudden moves…sudden mistakes. So he kissed her hand, apologizing. Reached for the book and grabbed it.

Pictures of a man came out of the book. The sound of them scattering on the floor jumped Joanna even more than the breaking glasses.

"Who…who is this?"

He asked while gathering them all, and looking at them one by one. It wasn’t those 6 pictures of a happy smiling man that made his heart skip a beat, but the 7th picture. The 7th picture with Joey in it. Joey beside the man.

"His name is Alex. I met him in Paris the summer we were broken up. I was with him last night."

Joanna said with a weak voice barely hearable.

"You were with him?"

"Yes….and no. You see Michael it's not the fact that you slept with your coworker last night that breaks me. It's that I was in the same situation as you last night, and I didn’t do anything wrong. I chose not to do it.

"What was he doing here?"

"He came to see me. I mean he came to New York for a meeting, but he came to see me. He loves me Michael….he loves me."

Two moment of silence passed between them. But to Michael it felt even longer than those two years back in college, which they were broken up. The years in which she met this Alex fella.

Joanna sobbed, but gained all her courage to be able to talk again, like a runner out of breath who tries to run the last mile to the finishing line. The finishing line which Michael never wanted their marriage to meet.

"Yeah…Alex loves me….and you know Michael I love him too...I do ….I love him back and I spend the whole night with him but I just …. I just didn’t sleep with him…I couldn't …I thought of you Michael…I thought of you…while you were…."

She burst into tears again. But that was enough for Michael…he didn’t need to hear anything more…

He crumpled the 7th picture in his fist, and looked down hoping she wouldn’t see him crying…"I love him too" the words echoed in his head…

The glass was broken…the picture was crumpled…they were looking each other in the eye with salty cheeks , crushed and not knowing what would happen next.


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Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:14 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there, 1stseasonoftheyear, and welcome to YWS! Niteowl here to review your story.

Before I get into the review, a quick note: I'm one of the site moderators, and one of our jobs is to make sure works are rated appropriately. Since the use of the "F-word" automatically bumps a work up to 18+, I went ahead and changed the rating for you. Nothing else was changed. Check out Content Ratings Guidelines for more info on content ratings.

Okay, now on to the actual piece. Overall, I liked the story itself. It's intriguing and dramatic. One thing I feel is missing plotwise is any thoughts about the other woman. We know what he says about her, but what is he actually thinking and remembering? I think that would add a level of richness to his character and the plot.

Now for some nitpicks. I see from your comments to previous reviewers that you're not a native English speaker, so I'll try to explain grammar points as I go along without spending too much time on them. In editing, you may want to use The Great Grammar Compendium to help you understand certain grammar rules.

The sound of the glass vase shattering on the floor, made both of them jump out of whatever they were focused on.


First off, the comma doesn't make sense here. It's hard to explain the rules around commas, but essentially this doesn't work because the two pieces can't function as separate sentences. I notice this kind of overuse of commas in several places in the story, so you might want to look into that.

The second (and larger) problem is that "whatever they were focused on" doesn't feel like an accurate description of the scene. Later on, you say that they had been in a tense silence for several minutes. In contrast, "whatever they were focused on" implies that they were just doing normal everyday things. Perhaps a better way to phrase this would be "The sound of the glass vase shattering on the floor broke the tense silence in the living room."

Michael reached for a towel, to clean the mess without a second thought.


Another unnecessary comma. Also, a towel seems like an odd choice to pick up glass. I would go for a broom and dustpan myself.

She couldn’t say a word. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what to say, it was just that she didn’t want to talk.


This is kind of weird to me, mainly because this story is mostly limited third person from Michael's point of view. So having Joanna's in there threw me off.

"The vase I mean, was it anything expensive?"

Michael asked again, pretending that he really cared about the stupid vase.


Another weird grammar thing: Whatever comes after the dialogue, even a longer paragraph like this one, is on the same line as the dialogue.

Or even better. I'll get you that thing from the Antique shop you always wanted.


Antique doesn't need to be capitalized here, as it isn't a proper noun (like a name). There's quite a few places where you capitalize nouns that don't need to be capitalized, so watch out for that.

The five minutes5 Minute of dark hollow silence.


Generally, numbers from one to ten in English are spelled out.

"No, no, I don’t feel like going out. I'll cook something. Do you…um….do you like some…I don't know…spaghetti? Or some casserole? Do you love some mac and cheese? Michael do you love her?


This is getting nit-picky, but I feel like this is a pivotal point in the story so I would make the wording clear. "Do you like spaghetti?" is the way you would ask someone how they feel about a dish in general. If I'm asking what someone wants for dinner, I might say "Would you like some spaghetti?" (more formal/polite) or "Do you want some spaghetti?" (more casual-this one would make more sense for this piece).

She agreed, but when he got to the Dining room, there was no place on the Couch for him to sit. She was laying. Of course she had the right to not wantwanting him beside her.


"Dining" and "Couch" don't need capitalization. "She was laying." isn't a complete sentence. Perhaps this could be reworded as "When they got to the couch, she promptly lied down, leaving no room for him to sit." Also, dining rooms don't normally have couches, just a table. Maybe they're in the living room or family room? Also, I didn't realize until this paragraph that I have no sense of where they were in the house before this.

There was this stingy feeling in his throat and it was then when he understood what he has done.He loved joey.


"Stingy" is a separate word that usually refers to someone who isn't generous (like "he was stingy with his money"). I think you mean "stinging". Also, you do need to capitalize Joey since that's her name (a proper noun).

She had this distracted look in her eyes while playing with that book in her hand. Was she reading? Sure she loved to read, but how could she read at a time like that?


Wait where did that book come from? Right now it feels like it just appeared. Was it lying out and about? Did she go get it and then return? Is it a photo album or are these pictures just stuffed in a random book?

Pictures of a man came out of the book. The sound of them scattering on the floor jumped Joanna even more than the breaking vaseglasses.


"jumped Joanna" doesn't really make sense. I would replace with "made Joanna jump".

Overall, I think this is a moving story, and it could be even better with some polishing. Welcome again and keep writing! :)




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Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:01 pm
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herbgirl wrote a review...



Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
First of all, welcome to YWS! i hope you enjoy your time here, i know i sure have so far. If you need any help with anything, or have any questions, feel free to ask me. Now, onto the review!
Although the plot line of this story was, i must admit, a tad but common, i felt that you executed it in a good, compelling way. You were capable of building suspense in this small, almost imperceptible way, slowly describing events, which slowly built up to other events. You covered, fairly well, the dramatic end of a marriage. i get the sense that you are a very capable writer, but however, it seems to me that you just didn't take the time to really work with this piece.
One of the main things that i noticed was the lack of capitalization, and how you wrote the dialogue. Throughout the piece, you appear to forget to capitalize names and the beginning of sentences, which contributes to a sort of sloppy, half down effect on your work. i advise going through this piece again and capitalizing everything that needs to be capitalized, it will keep readers from being distracted by your errors, and they will be more focused on your message. As for the dialogue, this is more of an opinion thing. i see no reason in this piece why you could not have normal dialogue with quotation marks, but if you feel the story moves more naturally without them, feel free to leave it as is. i just wanted to let you know i, as a reader, felt that the traditional quotation marks would suffice here.
The other things i noticed, and it was pretty common throughout this piece, was your lack of commas. It seems everyone has a problem with commas, at least when they first start writing. i always put too many. You, as i said, put too few. For example,

They didn’t know many things but knew that it was the first time there was no chance they could read each other's mind. Thanks to Lucy now they had to do something apart from staring away from each other. Lucy barked and left the scene. Maybe it was the broken glass but even the dog didn’t wanted to be there.

i felt this piece would be a good example of a place where many commas could be inserted. If i were to insert commas into this piece, it would look more like this:
They didn’t know many things, but knew that it was the first time there was no chance they could read each other's mind. Thanks to Lucy, now they had to do something apart from staring away from each other. Lucy barked and left the scene. Maybe it was the broken glass, but even the dog didn’t wanted to be there.

Do you understand why the commas would go where i put them? Commas are meant to represent the pauses that someone naturally takes when speaking. Read through your piece, perhaps out loud, and insert commas where ever you naturally pause when speaking.
Anyways, sorry if that seemed harsh! As i said, i really liked the way you built suspense in this story, but feel it would overall be improved if you went back through and took a little bit more time editing. If you have any questions or comments regarding this, please contact me!
Thanks for the read!
herbgirl




herbgirl says...


i forgot to say, but capitalize your title! It will seem more professional.





dear herb girl,
i thank you a thousand times for reading and commenting on my story! have you seen what it happens when you put two mirrors in front of each other and they show infinite number of reflections inside? that's how much i want to thank you :) <3
you are so right! i hardly ever think of how punctuation and capitalization means in defining the value of a piece . thanks for making the effort to tell me where i was wrong , few friends have pointed out that i have punctuation problems but non of them guide me through it. so thank you again.

sincerely,
1st season of the year



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Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:57 pm
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Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, 1stseasonoftheyear! Casanova here to do a review for you!

The sound of the glass vase shattering on the floor, made both of them jump out of whatever they were focused on.


Now, this might just be me, but I would like to know whatever it was they were focused on. That would give us a feel in the inside lives of the characters, and in a short story little hints go a long way into figuring out the characters. Anyway, onward.

Maybe it was the broken glass but even the dog didn’t wanted to be there.


Instead of,"wanted," try,"want." I think it works better here, as saying,"didn't wanted," just feels and sounds a bit odd to say, if you know what I mean. Anyway, onward.

Bleeding foot was the last thing he could handle right now.


I would put either an,"A," before Bleeding, or change,"foot," to,"feet." I think it helps it flow better, and sounds better. Anyway, onward.

Let's go over your characters. I think you've done a pretty nice job with them in the long run. Although I wouldn't mind a little more about them, they're interesting, collective, and honestly spark relateable feelings with the reader, so I give you props for that.

The next thing would be your plot. Although it's decent, it seems like it moves just a tad too fast during the middle? Almost as if everything is just happening a little too fast- but this could just be me.

Another thing I would like to hit on is your quotations. This is used whenever a character is talking- but you don't use them. I would suggest starting to use them- because otherwise it's confusing to come across dialogue and not know it's dialogue until you say it is. This would be really helpful, and I think it would cut out you having to say,"he said," "she asked," almost every time.

Another thing helpful with dialogue is you don't have to keep to ,"he said," "she asked," "they yelled," dialogue. Try using," he snarled." "she sobbed" "they echoed," instead. I find mixing it up like that helps get out emotion as well, so give it a shot.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron






Dear Casanova,
If each blossom on an apple tree in the beginning of the spring was a "Thank you" , i would be giving you an apple garden and not have been thanking you enough.
seriously , Merci!
you can't even come close to imagining how happy i was to see that someone out there has actually read my story.
and even more! you commented and offered help. i appreciate that with all my heart and my liver (i study medicine and believe me liver is very very important ^_^ )
so i did read you commented and applied the changes which you instructed me but i do have questions

"Another thing I would like to hit on is your quotations. This is used whenever a character is talking- but you don't use them. I would suggest starting to use them- because otherwise it's confusing to come across dialogue and not know it's dialogue until you say it is. This would be really helpful, and I think it would cut out you having to say,"he said," "she asked," almost every time."
said casanova ;)

so you see sir, i am not a native English speaker. i have been brought up in a house which every one talked farsi to me and i studied English on my own. could you help me out here and give more examples of what i just quoted out of your commenet

sincerely,
1st season of the year



Casanova says...


Oh, sure! I'll make a list and send it to you sometime today or tomorrow!




Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
— Chinese proverb