Published January 8, 2009
Ashton trudged across the hot sand. It was Monday, the second week of her summer-long vacation in Surfside Beach, South Carolina. The sun beat down on her head as she spread out her towel in her usual spot. She stretched out, and yawned.
“This is the life,” she told herself. Then, “Yeah right.” She flipped over onto her back. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the beach, tanning, and the sun--she loved it. It was just that a whole summer of doing nothing wasn’t really that appealing to her. Ashton was an artsy person--she played violin, got paid for doing portraits by being recommended by her art teacher, and sang in her church’s worship band. Her family was from Uniontown, Ohio.
“And all of my friends are just heartbroken about me being gone for the whole summer. Hah! That’s a laugh! What friends?” Ashton muttered. She grunted, and then rolled over again. Strictly speaking, that wasn’t completely true. Ashton did have three close friends-but that was about it. After about ten minutes of grumbling to herself, Ashton finally decided that since she had been at the beach for a week and had only stuck her toes in the water once, now was a good a time as any to get wet. Getting up, she started out towards the water, adjusting her sunglasses as she went. She shuddered as she ventured into the cold water.
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141,617 Literary Works • 675,170 Reviews
Hey there!
I noticed you were a new member, so I thought I'd help you out.
First of all, this was too short. If you post something that is too short, then there really isn't much to crique on. Before you post a story, you might want to check out the sticky post 'Before You Post.' It will tell you a lot of good tips, like how long a story should be and other important things.
Second, the story itself, although there wasn't much to crique on, needed a little work.
This last sentence doesn't really fit.
She's talking way too much to herself. Perhaps you could add a dog, or you could make her think this, instead of saying it aloud.
So, check out the 'Before You Post' section, and maybe make this a little longer. I hope you like YWS! PM me if you want.
~Carlee~