Yours

Hello 1ceUponAFriend! PumpkinCat here with a review of "Yours". I really loved this poem I truly do it has so much emotion in so little lines and it has a lot of meaning in it. You had an excellent flow throughout the entire poem and had internal rhyming which is Amazing! And I hope you feel special right now because your're the first person to RECEIVE a GOLD STAR from me! And by gold star I mean a good rating! 10/10 Excellent work 1ceUponAFriend! Never Quit Writing! ~PC

This is a really good piece. There is a lot of emotion is such a short poem. Great job. I am estatic to get to review it.

What I liked:

1. The whole idea. While not brand new you brought something more to this idea of love and if we are ever really able to have as well as give it completely. Great job

2. The rhyme. There was a lot of internal rhyme (I don't know if it was intentional or not) and it was done well. That is one of the harder rhyme scheme's to manage because so many people pay attention to the end of the line.

What I didn't like.

1. The order of events. You go from sad and alone to happy and then sad and alone again. From the way you had the first lines you seemed bitter towards this person, and then you forgave them, which doesn't really make sense, especially when you know that he/she isn't yours to begin with. Consider changing the order as well as reevaluating how you felt in those moments.

2. The length. I love short and consice poems and that is what this one is, but it still seemed to leave me with something more to be desired. Add more to your story, help the reader feel what you did and get angry at whoever this is that is hurting you.

Overall:

There is a lot of good in this poem. I loved it from the first to the last line. Consider again the actual content and also take into consideration adding punctuation. (I am not a stickler on that since it is the artist's right on how to format it but it may help the flow). Great job, I can't wait to see more!

It's a great poem (better than I could have done) but I found some awkwardness in the last three lines. Everything else seems to flow nicely. I like it's simplicity a lot. I'm excited to read other pieces by you!

~Ingrid

I love this! It reminds me of my writing a little bit it. It shows weakness (or blindness) that evolves into strength and lessons learned. The only critique I have, and I might be totally off on this, but it seems like you might be holding back a little. Which isn't always a bad thing don't get me wrong but I can tell there is more emotion in there, just let it out!! =)

ok, this is quite nice. am not an expert in poetry or anything but i've got to say that it was ok. The truth is, i've seen several poems like this and inspiring as they might be, i'm gonna name yours as one of the best so far. The only problem is that it was quite short and lacked some feeling and emotions with it.
So, continue writing and work on how to channel the emotions into it.

Oooooooh, this is so cute and sad. I really love the fact that you make something like this with such a short poem. The only thing I would have mentioned was around said, so yeah. Great job, lovely I wanna see more.(;

This is really good. I like its simplicity and length: very short but I find it rather cute. You could try adding some punctuations, if you want. Anyway, great job. Keep writing.

It's really Sad and emotional.
But its good.
Just Keep on writing though.

Ohhh This poem is good, but sad! It's direct and short lines really pull at the heart strings. The title is also bittersweet, because the reader expects the poem to have a happy ending but then is brought to the sad conclusion. I think this poem is nice this size, but I think it also has the potential to be extended if you wanted.

The only line that I feel sort of disrupts the flow of the piece is the fourth line: "was the first smile on my face" I guess I just don't understand why it was the first time the speaker EVER smiled. I think the line maybe should be reworked a little. Unless maybe you're meaning the forgiveness was 'signaled' by the smile.? I'm just not sure. I also think you could get by with just italicizing the word 'never' or just 'yours' in the last line, rather than italicizing the whole line which kind of diminishes the power of the italics.

Overall, great piece, and I look forward to reading much more of your work in the future!

~alliyah~

Thank you all I'm not really a poem writer. I love to write song for my friends but thank you for making me feel so good on my first work