Such a beautiful girl,
She resides in all of my dreams,
But her lips taste much nicer,
In our fused realities.
Love binds us together,
With its tender secret magic,
It’s made me who I am today,
Oh how I am nostalgic.
Winter's frost bit the heart,
Her eyes sent other ways,
Someone more successful,
I counted down our days.
Our paths split in two,
But unlike me she did not stop,
Left me behind weeping,
My sanity in each drop.
Her new man an acquaintance,
I could even say a foe,
A man to whom I couldn't compare,
To whom she'd never say no.
A beautiful girl resides in my dreams,
A girl who is my life,
And sticking out of her back,
A cold and bloody knife.
Collapse she does with lack of grace,
Unable to speak a word,
Her eyes glisten with final emotion,
The silent cry unheard.
I wake up hot and sweaty,
And grinning there I lay,
Thinking to myself demonically,
Today's the bloody day.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Amazing, I feel like the woman in my life just died before me after reading that
. Keep up the good work and I really like the way you tell your story through the poem!
That was excellent, i wish i can write poetry like that~! Keep it UP!
This line didn't flow very well with the rest of them poem, at least to me. I would suggest shortening it.
I am a bit surprised people liked this so much. Not because its bad! No, just because everyone here is so disgusted by poems about love. I, for one, am not, and I loved this.
I think the story you told is very well known, and that part bothers me. You put your message and your point across very clearly, and that bothers me, too. I was not left with a mystery or something to think about. When the poem ended, I was done and ready to review. That's one of the key points I use to judge a poem: do I remember any lines from this when it is over? The answer: no.
No lines really struck me as poetic or beautiful. Except, of course, the line about the drop of sanity. But, I used a line like that in one of my poems, so it is not very original, after all.
In total, I loved this, really. I am sorry for such negative comments!
You have a beautiful voice, and I think you should use it to tell more beautiful stories.
Classy
I gave you a gold star for this, there's no need for me to review anything =) Amazing piece of work, keep writing!
Some writing ability you have there!! WOW!!!
I am amazed how someone can write like this, tie everything together and finish with a huge bang!!!
For example, i really like how you say that the love that the character had for her has made him the person he is today, then go on to explain the demonic dreams about what he will do to her. It makes for very good reading. It kept this reader intrigued til the end. I look forward to reading more of your stuff
Thank you
Wow. This is really good. I think you portrayed the exact right emotions, and I really enjoyed reading this.
I like the way at the end, you changed the way he spoke, to show his anger. And the way you portrayed the emotions really well as the story unfolded.
Good job! Keep Writing!
~Mo.
You have some amazing storytelling ability.
A big plus point for you is your ability to play with words which can be seen in every stanza.
The hero/looser of this poem did a good job of showing his frustration depression and rage at not being able to become successful and not get over the girl.
Also,the ending was very good.
Keep writing like this.