Published June 11, 2012
"A short drop
To a sudden stop"
So the saying goes.
A twisted rope
And no more hope,
Tis what awaits the foes.
Ebony crows flying thrice around,
Cackling in harsh cacophony of sound,
Calling for the Feast of Death.
Resigning to the gallows,
Where death becomes the hallows,
Where a man takes his final breath.
The noose swaying in a chilling breeze,
Swinging 'round like a demon tease,
Casting shadows under a brilliant full moon.
So a short drop
To a sudden stop,
Singing life's ending tune.
And so the crows sit and wait
On crumbling walls of stone
To gorge themselves on those of late,
Leaving behind noth' but bone.
These are the tales of horror told to I.
They told of what awaits me once I die.
And so I walk towards the noose.
It hangs above a wooden stool
And I am bound like a troubled fool.
Then there is the Hangman, big as a moose!
He wears a mask, black as night
With a hole for speech and holes for sight.
His hands are rough as he readies the rope.
Around my neck the loop is put
By the man with his mask like soot.
I wonder how my throat will cope.
The Hangman moves out of view.
I know what he is about to do.
He pulls the leaver, opening the door...
...And down I drop
To a sudden stop.
I can breathe no more.
I twist and jerk, thrash about,
Just trying to swallow air.
But then there's not a single doubt
I'm entering Death's lair.
I dangle loose
From the hanging noose
Cold and still and dead.
They left me there
For the crows to share.
Not a single tear was shed...
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
There are no words I could possibly use to explain how much I love this. It's gripping and breath taking. I like the way that it also goes on to explain the reaction of the crows as if they know what is coming and they're preparing to eat the corpse. Like the time running out for the one is hanged the time comes closer for their meal.
Good Work!
That. Was. Amazing.
First, may I commend you on a brillant theme. Of all the ways to die, the gallows is the creepiest.
The only problem with this poem is the inconsistancy in the rhyme scheme. I like both styles of rhyme you used, and if you'd made it on-off, it would have been a pristene poem. You had a myriad of vocabulary words and a great plot, so if you'd only fixed up the rhyming, this poem could have been warshipped by me for its awesome ness.....
Betwinkst you and I, I'll still probably warship it......
Please keep writing!!!!!!!
~Trav
Hello
Firstly, I really enjoyed this piece. The title really made me want to read the poem because it was simple but dramatic with a lot of implications. The vocabulary you used was really interesting and I loved that because it set the scene for the reader of being back in a time where hanging people was common place. The imagry you created when talking about the crows and the moon was beautiful and I think more links like this to nature would have worked well because it's the perfect contrast to the theme of death in this. The repetition of "A short drop to a sudden stop" or variations of that was perfectly executed.
There was a couple of minor issues I had with this poem. For instance the lack of puctuation all the way through made it hard to find a rythm and didn't break it up. This would benefit from some comma's and full stop's used for dramatic effect and to emphasize certain lines.
Another problem I found was that it was quite long, but stopped very abruptly with little warning. I think this should definitely be shorter because a lot of lines just seemed to be in there for the sake of the rhyme scheme and seemed empty of meaning. For example describing the Hangman as "big as a mooses" didn't quite fit in because moose's (not sure what the plural of moose is!) doesn't really have any scary or creepy connotations. Also, as I said, the end was very abrupt. This is where punctuation could help you, a fall stop would've added finality to it.
The other thing I noticed was that the last two stanza's broke the structur you'd been using. Although there's nothing wrong with doing this, I think it would be more effective if just the last stanza changed structure. You could even make the last two stanza into one long eight line stanza, I think thats what I'd do.
Overall this poem had a very eerie feel to it and was very entertaining to read. All the criticism was just personal preferences, so feel free to totally ignore me! Well done on this brilliant piece of writing- it sent shivers up my spine. Keep writing, I'd love to read more of your work.
this is good I love it