Our Every Tear

So Hello! I'm Demoness and I've brought all my spiders so that I can give you a review of my best ability!

So I'll begin with the things that could be improved!
- Personally, I think this text should be divided into stanzas. It makes it easier to read and also it helps the flow.
- Also, mostly I have to ask people to ADD commas and dots and stuff but here I actually think that you've used too many. They seem to be everywhere and it makes the flow cut off and a bit choppy so maybe look that over once more
- "On the front her birthday" I had to read this line several times before I realized what you meant... I like the content of this but maybe reverse it a bit and write it differently... ^^
- Third. "Thieving" I feel like that word is a bit off, I get that you wanted it to rhyme with grieving but it just seem forced so if I were you I'd try finding something else to replace that word

So, now I'll wander off to what I liked about this!
- It was touching, it was written in a way that made me feel sad and helpless and yet it was sweet and beautiful somehow. I say "If it makes you feel, then it's real!" So this is real, and this is good!
- The beginning! You immidiately make us realize that this is a poem about someone who's passed away but you make it in a mysterious and original way! LIKE IT!

So overall this was a beautifully written poem that I enjoyed reading so it'll get 3½/5 icky, sticky spiders!

Hope I could be of help!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hey, Boo here!

I liked your poem. I only have a few suggestions.

1.) Try some stanzas

2.) You put A LOT of grammar in your poem. Periods and commas EVERYWHERE. Its hard to read when you have to breath every few seconds while reading it!

3.) Play with your words, some lines sound forced.

Heres a line that I didn't like...

Grieving
Because of a thieving. A thieving is the only thing here that bothers me. It seems like you just put it here to rhyme. Killing some one doesn't really seem to fit killing some one...
A life stolen in the night.
She tried to fight.

But it was severed by Death's knife.

This poem shows what poetry is all about...turning something sad into something beautiful. Nice work.
The only nitpick I have is this:

On the front is her birthday
Is engraved into rock,

On the front is her birthday
Engraved deep into the rock,

Hello! I really liked this poem. The rhyming and flow were very nice. It was sad but emotion is what makes for a good poem, no? A few very small things:

1.

On the front her birthday

Grieving

She clung to life.
But it was severed by Death's knife.