So, I wrote this poem several years ago for a school project when we were reading Out of the Dust. I hope you like it.
I stand here now in this foresaken place
Where the wind is always blowing
And then sun is always shining.
There are no plants
To hold hold the soil;
To hold the water.
There is only sand
And bones bleached white.
I promised myself I would run away.
Away from this awful place,
But that never happened.
The sand and sun are part of me;
A part of me I can't live without.
So I stand here now
And look over the crest of the hill
To see the next dust storm rolling in.
And I whisper to myself,
"Here I am."
The dust whips across my face.
It burns my eyes and clogs my lungs.
And finally I have escaped.
Escaped the dust and sun
To a paradise like no other.
And once more I whisper
To the silence around me,
"Here I Am."
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Canary word: Present
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I just feel like I want to leave this damn place! I need to get out! I'm going insane, but anyway I really liked this it was, cool and flowed well. At the end of the day as much as I want to leave I can't, these are my roots and leaving would be like leaving half of me. Awesome write!
I really loved this, it was deep and full of emotion in my opinion. I really did enjoy this, but there was one error I found in your poem.
I think you mean
Either way, that was very enjoyable if not sad. It really fit my mood and the mood cast by my song. I'd love to read more of your work sometime. I hope I was helpful.
~ Owl
Hi there!
Wow...this is a great piece! I love it! It's got great emotion and imagery. I love the emotion you put into this. It's written very well and I can't find any spelling or grammer errors.
Keep writing!
I have read "Out of the Dust", and I think you did a very good job with this. You've captured the emotions very well...yes, i said "emotions". I sensed a lot of different feelings here. Finality. Desperation. Determination. Hopelessness. Yes, to me, at least in this poem cuz it's perfect that way, those all make sense together.
Just a few teeny critiques that are more suggestions than real corrections. If it were me I would put a comma instead of a period after "without", and perhaps add one or two in the last four lines. I would put it more like this:
The sand and sun are part of me;
A part of me I can't live without.
So I stand here now,
And look over the crest of the hill
To see the next dust storm rolling in,
And I whisper to myself,...
Etc.
Those are the only critiques I have. It flowed very well and I could clearly see the connection to that book which also happens to be amazing. Love it to pieces.
so did the this person finally leaave the sun and dust ?? that was my only confusion but the poem is good and i was ingaged by the title