E - Everyone

The Pink Flower

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The pink flowers reminded him of that day.

Other things reminded him, too.

White lace, a clear blue sky, and the sound of the ocean.

He picked up the bouquet of pink flowers and held them to his nose.

The scent took him back.

He closed his eyes and there it was.

He had been anxious all week waiting for the weekend.

It couldn't come quick enough.

As the tasks on his list dwindled down, his nerves only became more tangible.

If someone were to walk by him, they would surely feel the nervous electricity surrounding him. At least, that's how he felt.

When the day came, he couldn't contain himself.

All the hard work from the past week was finally coming to fruition.

He was prepared for any mishap and he was not disappointed when they did happen.

Calmly, he would flip through his notes and find his plan b or plan c or plan d…

It depended on the situation.

As he directives were handed out, he felt a certain satisfaction.

He knew a lot was riding on this, but he was in the home stretch.

It was time for all the final touches.

Tweaking this and that, straightening linen here and there, making sure that everything was just so.

Everything had to be perfect.

Nothing could be missed.

He was often asked, "how do you do it?"

And he would laugh and say, "I have no idea." But, he did.

He wasn't going to admit to the bottles of tums that he would go through a week. Nor the hours of planning, researching, crying, and screaming.

The social life that was lost and any idea of a relationship a thought in the wind.

He decided what was more important and this was it.

Besides, if he didn't put in the hard work now, how will he survive?

Things out there are so competitive.

He refused to be just another face in the crowd.

Standing out was his standard.

This is why everything had to go right.

Every choice he made could make or break him.

The wrong color, the wrong fabric, the wrong anything and he was done.

As people passed by, he flashed his megawatt smile.

No one could see the wheels that were turning in overdrive, checking off the mental checklist as the minutes crept closer to the start.

Once it started, there was no turning back.

He took a final walk around, reviewing each detail, comparing it to the mental pictures in his head.

Not a thing was out of place.

Even the pink flowers, those hideous pink flowers, worked.

It softened his hate for them.

He walked over to a centerpiece and inhaled the sweet aroma.

It seemed to reassure him, letting him know that the right choice had been made.

He stepped back from the table and went to get them.

Part one was over, the part he really didn't have to do much for.

Now it was "prime time."

He adjusted his ear piece and made sure he had enough battery life.

He made it into the lobby just as everyone was arriving.

By the look on his assistant's face, everything had gone on without a hitch.

But this was the time when things could go horribly wrong if not dealt with quickly and effectively.

Any mistakes made needed to be hidden by all means possible. OK, within reason.

This isn't a Navy SEALS mission after all.

He was greeted by grins when he saw them, smiling and waving back, he approached them.

"Is it time to see it?! I have been waiting so long!" his client gushed.

He couldn't help but smile.

"Of course. Right this way."

He led the way down the corridor to a set of heavy wooden, gilded doors. He gave a gentle knock and the door softly opened as if by themselves.

Placing some people behind them waiting to open them was a last-minute touch.

"Oh. My. Gosh! Jason…this is beautiful!"

He stepped back and watched the couple as they wandered around the ballroom, enraptured.

"This is exactly how I pictured it!" The bride gave Jason a kiss.

"Anything for you." He smiled down at his new wife.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Hi 0blank0,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This is an interesting story that probably caught my eye more because of the set-up at the beginning than the actual text. Probably also because I thought it might be a kind of poem.

So I don't know whether to criticise it or praise it, the way you've written sentence after sentence in a single line. Namely, at the beginning it gave me something very poetic and while reading it, it always occurred to me that something exciting would happen at any moment, probably not, as the end has now turned out, but more in the direction of a horror story.

But I was pleasantly surprised that the story developed a certain tension and with what details you portrayed the main character in their life. I think that gave the story a certain stimulus and I think that you obviously succeeded in creating something very interesting, detailed and empathetic. Because when you read it, it seems like there's a dark cloud going through the text, but everything clears up. So you manage to portray the tension of the character really well, so that the reader can also feel it.

In the end, I still have some unanswered questions, and I think it's good that you leave them open in this short story. It gives you the incentive to continue thinking about what is meant here and how it will develop in the overall picture.

In summary, a fascinating story.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

User avatar
ChrisCalaid
Review

Hi @0blank0!. I'm here for a quick review.
I love this story! This is really an incredible piece of writing here. It was wonderful to read this, with its simple title and beautiful story, it is unlike any writing I've read. The ending was beautiful with a surprising closing. It's decorated with realistic dialogues that make the story come alive. I don't have much to say about this, since it seems so careful pieced together. And I really don't have many critiques on either. What I want to say is that you did a lovely job, and there are only a few grammatical mistakes that I would suggest to be taken care of.

Overall, this writing has nothing more to be spoken of. It's beautiful and it's somehow so real. I love the time of reading this story and would love to read more of your story.

Thank you for writing this story.
You made my day!

Keep on writing!

Best wishes,
Chris

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User avatar
RadDog13579
Review

Hi, @0blank0, Raddog here! Let me start off by saying I love this piece. The word choice was superb and the formatting flowed well. I was really surprised by the ending. It got me off guard so good job on that. I really don't have much critiques on this piece. There were a few grammatical errors and the past tense or pre tense got confusing. I hoped this helped. Happy writing!

I'm glad you enjoyed it!! And from now on I'll look out for those more. I kinda wrote this in a rush and I just wanted my short story out there.

User avatar
Lezuli
Review
Lezuli wrote a review · Sat Sep 12, 2020 12:33 pm

Hello, there! I shall be reviewing this short story/poem for you.
To start with, I really liked this poem, it flowed well and your word choice was amazing. I especially loved the ending, I totally didn't see it coming!
As for my review, there are just a few grammatical things I noticed.

He wasn't going to admit to the bottles of tums that he would go through a week nor the hours of

I don't think this will change the cadence of your poem, so I think that a period after 'week' and before 'nor' is a good idea.
Besides, if he doesn't put in the hard work now, how will he survive?

Since the rest of the poem is in past tense, you should change 'doesn't' into 'didn't.
And that's all the things I noticed! I hope this helped you in some way!

Thanks for the review!!!



The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown