The best of friends can hurt the most.
The wound, it mends, but never goes.
A friend's not true until they've caused
A scar in you by their own flaws.
Of course you must learn to forgive,
Because with rust, steel bonds will give.
But if you still can love that friend,
Then true they'll stay until the end.
For long is strong if it is true,
Continued on, returned to you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
ehh, i'm not a fan. as usual, i agree with galerius' opinion of this piece. it was grammatically flawed, cliched and predictable. but i also concur that it could actually be good if you worked on it. but even if you did fix it, i don't think i'd like it. i simply don't enjoy poems like these. but then again, there are people who do, so you should try to please them, and not me. just my two cents.
-zalarus
I can say I have suggestions or possible corrections. Of course there are some mistakes that have been mentioned before, but that is minor in my opinion. The Main point in this poem is great. The only flaw that disturbs me is the "jump" between friends, causing wounds and it mends. It a bit trick. Maybe a little rearranging will help... However, it's only a suggestions, don't take it as something sure. The poem is great, great!
Aust.
i like this beginning, very assertive. almost as if you're telling the audience "hey! I'm going to vaporize your myths of pain and friendship right now" which jolts us to attention.
grammatical error. friend is singular, "they've" is plural. scar and flaws don't really go together, replace "flaws" with something more tangible, something thats as viscerally disgusting as a scar.
second line is good because of the metaphor that is cleverly used, but first line sounds like something Yoda would say. too preachy.
Again, friend is singular, "They'll" is plural. and "staying until the end" is cliched, sorry.
true love, longlasting and true...blah blah blah, i've heard this before two million times. make it your own, don't just copy cliches and dress them up in your poem to pretend that theyre original. last line was a bit of a let down...i predicted love coming "full circle".
overall, it is cliched, i won't deny it. some parts shine, though, and you could make this gold if you work on it a lot more.