A big black bad bug
bleeds black blood
from its bladder and it shudders
when it waddles to it's 'mudder'
and it's name is Adder
and it gets more badder
when it walks under a ladder
every minute
when it wins it
competition that it's in it
and it gets more sadder
when it's surname is Radder
every second
when it beckoned
to the one that it reckoned
and it lives in Streatham
while it travels to Peckham
every hour
when it showers
in a bath full of flour
and it wears its crown
and goes deep down
every day
when it says,
"Go to Cresent Moon Bay,"
it's an athropod
and it uses petards
every week
when it sneaks
to the top of the peak.
That is the story of the big back bug
Now make sure you don't take drugs.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This was pretty cute, and I think you were just going for a little funny verse, so good job!
I have to say, I think the ending is rather cute! But for a poem, it's really...hmmm lacking. I don't exactly consider tongue twisters to be poetry. They're fun with language, but not something I'd read in a book and think, "Wow, I'm glad I read that!" unless the poem was just filled with alliterations because it's like that. Er. Does that make sense?
So I don't really know if this is exactly a poem, but in any case. If you want to write a good tongue twister, here are some suggestions:
1. Make sense! As far as I can tell, that whole entire thing is one sentence. Why not use punctuation throughout? Also, you use words that don't exist ("Badder") for the sake of rhyme - this is a no-no in everything you do.
2. Tell an actual story. If you read other tongue twisters, they tend to be stories of some kind. This is why writing them is so hard - but so fun. You can't just say a lot of things that sound alike and call is a tongue twister! Squeeze your brain, try real hard, and tell a story! Here's a good example:
Betty Botter bought a bit of butter.
The butter Betty Botter bought was a bit bitter
And made her batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter
Makes batter better.
So Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter,
Making Betty Botter's bitter batter better.
Of course, like I said before, most tongue twisters don't get to the literary level of a poem - they're just for fun. ^_~ But fun is still a good thing!
So, with that note, I'm going to move this to other. I hope I helped, and good luck on your next tongue twister!