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Young Writers Society



Change Is Necessary

by -KayJuran-


Change is Necessary.

I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,
The way that you have chosen.
I see it in your eyes.
Everytime we are together,
I have to see you fade.
You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made.


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418 Reviews


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Fri Jan 07, 2005 1:44 am
electricbluemonkey wrote a review...



I agree with above, but there were some parts that I didnt like. The rhyming was just unecessary, it would be better as a non-rhyming poem, which would be mostly like a really short story.

I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,


Okay this part...uh...doesn't fit, the bottom line should be a little longer, maybe "And so then I must despise" or something?

You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made
.

This part was pretty good, although it ends rather awkwardly. Maybe you should make it a little longer, just a couple more line, to tie in everything together.

Overall, I liked it. It was really short which made it an easy read, I would like to see more of it though. But yeah, it was good.




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1258 Reviews


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Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:39 pm
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Sam says...



I thought it was OK...the rhyming is unnessecarily pronounced, though. For a poem like this, which a lot of people write, you need to make it special. Write it in a different style, maybe even switch to non-rhyming.




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Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:30 pm
Chevy says...



even though this was a poem, it still seemed as though it were a story. but sometimes, poems like this are good. however, don't get me wrong! i loved this.





"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore