I agree with above, but there were some parts that I didnt like. The rhyming was just unecessary, it would be better as a non-rhyming poem, which would be mostly like a really short story.
I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,
Okay this part...uh...doesn't fit, the bottom line should be a little longer, maybe "And so then I must despise" or something?
You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made.
This part was pretty good, although it ends rather awkwardly. Maybe you should make it a little longer, just a couple more line, to tie in everything together.
Overall, I liked it. It was really short which made it an easy read, I would like to see more of it though. But yeah, it was good.
Points: 5890
Reviews: 418
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