Published December 22, 2004
Change is Necessary.
I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,
The way that you have chosen.
I see it in your eyes.
Everytime we are together,
I have to see you fade.
You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I agree with above, but there were some parts that I didnt like. The rhyming was just unecessary, it would be better as a non-rhyming poem, which would be mostly like a really short story.
I cannot control your role in life,
And so I must despise,
Okay this part...uh...doesn't fit, the bottom line should be a little longer, maybe "And so then I must despise" or something?
You know that I pity you,
You thought you had it made.
This part was pretty good, although it ends rather awkwardly. Maybe you should make it a little longer, just a couple more line, to tie in everything together.
Overall, I liked it. It was really short which made it an easy read, I would like to see more of it though. But yeah, it was good.
I thought it was OK...the rhyming is unnessecarily pronounced, though. For a poem like this, which a lot of people write, you need to make it special. Write it in a different style, maybe even switch to non-rhyming.
even though this was a poem, it still seemed as though it were a story. but sometimes, poems like this are good. however, don't get me wrong! i loved this.