Young Writers Society

Cant someone delete this? Im redoing it all.

Great going, I didn't see any grammar mistakes, but that doesn't say much. I'm not very good at looking for grammar mistakes. Anyways loved it, please PM me when you get the next chapter out. I'll do a line by line review for you, if you want me too. If you need me to review your stories or poems just PM me and I'll be happy to do it. Well keep writing, I can't wait to see how this book works out!

Chapter 3:

Marissa stared at Colt as he finished telling her what had happened. She shook her head in disbelief. "So [s]your[/s] you're saying that someone murdered the CEO of Masson and Co. and is trying to set you up?" She [Small s for she.] asked.

"Yeah. I know, shocking. I don't know what to do. I just can't trust anybody. Jesus, Marissa. You know I would never do something like this. I mean, I respect the guy for [s]Christ sakes[/s] Christ's sake." He stood up and started pacing. Aggravated, he shoved his left hand through his short black hair. "What am I going to do? I was supposed to meet him tonight...." He stopped. "But then that would mean that [s]who ever[/s] whoever is trying to set me up would of had to of known I was to supposed to meet him tonight!" He [Small h for he.] said, stopping in the middle of the room. Whirling away, he paced again, this time moving his hands in emphasis as he talked. "But how can that be? Nobody knew we were supposed to meet. The only person who could have known was his secretary, and I doubt she had anything to do with this. Unless...naw...I'm not thinking straight." He stopped pacing and walked back over to the recliner and sat his large frame in it.

He sat there for a moment without moving, then he looked at her. "Mind if I crash?" He [Small h for he.] asked, yawning.

"Ummm...sure, I guess I could make the couch up..." He flinched at that. Just barely.

"Okay." Unfolding his large frame, he stretched out his tired muscles. "I'll just crash on the couch..." He walked toward the door, head slightly hung. She felt sorry for making him sleep downstairs, but she...she didn't think she would be able to sleep if he slept in the same room. She sighed. So what if she couldn't sleep? She couldn't let him sleep down there, could she? Come on Marissa, make up your mind! [Thoughts in italics.]

"Wait!" He stopped and turned around. She took a small step forward. One step at a time, [Place this in italics and delete 'she thought'.] she thought. "I...I gue...guess I could make up a pallet in here..." She let the sentence trail off. Oh God, what was she doing?

"Are you sure?" Uncertainty showed in his eyes, as he started back across the room. She thought he would touch her when he reached over but he reached past her and grabbed a plump pillow from the bed. Her pillow. "Hey!" She protested. "That’s my pillow!" She made a grab for it, but it was held high above his head before she could get it. "Says who?" He laughed as she made another dive for it. Arms crossed over her chest, she made a pouting face. "That’s not fair! You're taller." He stuck his tongue out at her, then laughed again as she stormed off to the closet. She came out carrying an extra blanket. She threw it at him before turning and heading for the bathroom. "Make it for yourself then." [Comma and small s for she.] She threw over her shoulder. He just stood there as he heard the familiar sound of the shower running. What would she say if he was to walk in there and...oh who was he kidding? He shrugged and made his pallet on the floor.

When she finally came out, an hour later, he was sprawled on the floor. She had to step over him to get to the bed. Turning the small radio on, she put her Celine Dion [s]Cd[/s] CD in and turned it to her favorite song, The power of Love, pushing repeat and turning it down low. A few minutes later she was snuggled under the comforter, her back to him. What am I doing? You know he's uncomfortable down there Marissa. What's it going to hurt if he slept in the same bed? You've done it before. It won't hurt anything. [Italics.] She couldn't take it anymore. Turning over, she watched him for awhile. He wasn't asleep, she knew it. "Colt?" she whispered. He didn't answer. "Colt? Are you awake?" Aggravated now, she threw the small pillow at him. He grunted. "I know you're not asleep, answer me." He rolled over. "What?" he asked. His face was shadowed, hidden by the darkness, [s]but[/s] and barely see-able by the small light coming from the crack in the bathroom door. She still couldn't sleep without some type of light somewhere. "Marissa? You okay?" Propped up on one arm now, he looked up at her, waiting. "I...I was just..." She swallowed. She couldn't do this. Yes you can, [Italics.] she told herself. She took a deep breath and let it out. "I was just wonderin' if you...umm... if you could...hold...er...me like you tried to do...er...earlier?" She [Small s for she.] finished. When he didn't say anything, she said, "If you don't want to, I understand, I just needed...I guess I'm...scared." At that he got up and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her. He leaned back against the bed frame and gathered her in his arms. She relaxed against him, slumber taking over. He fell asleep with her in his arms.

i guess but shes scared. that can make you do some pretty crazy things...

**smiles** this is so great I'm just unbelievably touched, but darling the user about me is right, they should have different paragraphs when their talking. Anyways wouldn't it be I dunno akward for you to ask your ex-boyfriend to hold you? Just a thought.

-Max

Marissa stared at Colt as he finished telling her what [s]had[/s] happened. She shook her head in disbelief. "So your saying that someone murdered the CEO of Masson and Co. and is trying to set you up?" [s]S[/s]she asked.

"Yeah[s].[/s], I know, shocking. I don't know what to do. I just can't trust anybody. Jesus, Marissa. You know I would never do something like this. I mean, I respect the guy for Christ's sake[s]s[/s]." He stood up and started pacing. Aggravated, he shoved his left hand through his short black hair. "What am I going to do? I was suppose to meet him tonight...[s].[/s]" He stopped. "But [s]then[/s] that would mean [s]that[/s] who ever is trying to set me up would of [s]had to of[/s] known I was to suppose to meet him tonight!" He said, stopping in the middle of the room. Whirling away, he paced again, this time moving his hands in emphasis as he talked. "But how can that be? Nobody knew we were supposed to meet. The only person who could have known [s]was[/s] is his secretary, and I doubt she had anything to do with this. Unless...naw[s]...[/s],I'm not thinking straight." He stopped pacing and walked back over to the recliner and sat [s]his large frame[/s] in it. there's no reason to mention his 'large frame' twice and it flows smoother when you mention it later

He sat there for a moment without moving, then he looked at her. "Mind if I crash?" [s]H[/s]he asked, yawning.

"Ummm...sure[s],[/s]. I guess I could make the couch up..." He flinched at that. Just barely.

"Okay." Unfolding his large frame, he stretched out his tired muscles. "I'll just crash on the couch..." He walked toward the door, head slightly hung.

She felt sorry for making him sleep downstairs, but she[s]...she[/s] didn't think she would be able to sleep if he slept in the same room. [s]She sighed. So what if she couldn't sleep? She couldn't let him sleep down there, could she? Come on Marissa, make up your mind![/s] "Wait!" He stopped and turned around. She took a small step forward. One step at a time, she thought. "I...I gue...guess I could make up a pallet in here..." She let the sentence trail off. Oh God, what was she doing?

"Are you sure?" Uncertainty showed in his eyes, as he started back across the room. She thought he would touch her when he reached over but he reached past her and grabbed a plump pillow from the bed. [s]Her pillow.[/s]

"Hey!" She protested. "That’s my pillow!" She made a grab for it, but it was held high above his head before she could get it.

"Says who?" He laughed as she made another dive for it. Arms crossed over her chest, she made a pouting face.

"That’s not fair! You're taller." He stuck his tongue out at her, then laughed again as she stormed off to the closet. She came out carrying an extra blanket. She threw it at him before turning and heading for the bathroom. "Make it for yourself then." [s]She threw over her shoulder.[/s] He just stood there as he heard the familiar sound of the shower running. What would she say if he was to walk in there and...oh who was he kidding? He shrugged and made his pallet on the floor.

When she finally came out, an hour later, he was sprawled on the floor. She had to step over him to get to the bed. Turning the small radio on, she put her Celine Dion Cd in and turned it to her favorite song, The power of Love, pushing repeat and turning down low. A few minutes later she was snuggled under the comforter, her back to him. What am I doing? You know he's uncomfortable down there, Marissa. What's it going to hurt if he slept in the same bed? You've done it before. It won't hurt anything. She couldn't take it anymore. Turning over, she watched him for awhile. He wasn't asleep, she knew it.

"Colt?" she whispered. He didn't answer. "Colt? Are you awake?" Aggravated now, she threw the small pillow at him. He grunted. "I know you're not asleep, answer me." He rolled over.

"What?" he asked. His face was shadowed, hidden by the darkness, but barely seeable by the small light coming from the crack in the bathroom door. She still couldn't sleep without some type of light somewhere. "Marissa? You okay?" Propped up on one arm now, he looked up at her, waiting.

"I...I was just..." She swallowed. She couldn't do this. Yes you can, she told herself. She took a deep breath and let it out. "I was just wonderin' if you...umm... if you could...hold...er...me like you tried to do...er...earlier?" She finished. When he didn't say anything, she said, "If you don't want to, I understand, I just needed...I guess I'm...scared." At that he got up and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her. He leaned back against the bed frame and gathered her in his arms. She relaxed against him, slumber taking over. He fell asleep with her in his arms.