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Speed Demon

by niteowl

She knew the limit was 45,
(the signs said so)
but she longed to chase
the sun as it peeked
above the horizon.

She let the needle
creep up to 70,
even though she
was in no rush.

The green signs before her
reverted to yellow,
and she rushed to the brakes,
barely stopping before
the light turned red.

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44 Reviews

Points: 1230
Reviews: 44

Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:27 pm
Dreamer84 wrote a review...

Hey Dreamer here for a review. Happy Review Day! I love this poem I can literally feel the need of the chase. Personally as a writer of stories I think that this would make a fantastic story starter but it sounds great as a poem too. I think the title really is a great fit for the poem too so good job there. The imagery is loud and clear and it seems as though I can hear the engine rummbling with speed. I think you have fantastic word choice and sentence structure. It just makes the poem even more fun to read. I give you two thumbs up and a wide smile :D Good Job, Good Luck, and Keep on Writing :)

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193 Reviews

Points: 408
Reviews: 193

Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:13 pm
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Niraco wrote a review...

Hello there niteowl, I hope you're enjoying review day cos here we go!

When I read this it turned out differently than I had anticipated. When I read 'Speed Demon' along with your opening stanza the phrase 'car-crash' lit up with neon lights in my head. I am pleasantly surprised that it didn't.

Also, I found that this poem lacked...something. For me I didn't seem to learn much about the girl. She likes to go fast, okay, but why the word 'Demon'?

Demon brings up connotations of evil and hell. But none of those connotations were present. This left me slightly confused.

What I did like was the almost anti-climax you had at the end. You build up this fast pace through your poem then have it suddenly stop in the last two lines:

barely stopping before
the light turned red.

All in all I liked it. I thought it was nice but was lacking in substance.

Happy writing!

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414 Reviews

Points: 525
Reviews: 414

Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:02 pm
Willard wrote a review...

Hey, Niteowl. Strange here again for the second review on this fantastic Review Day!!
After all the poems I have read from you, I realized you have a knack for imagery. In this poem, you did it great. You used it to its peak, but I was somewhat confused. The only thing I really got from this is that the person uses adrenalin, or is just crazy. The third idea I got is that they are young and reckless and doing whatever they can do to get an edge. I do have to agree with Oakenshield, it is a piece of art. You can supply an image in one's mind. That is what you call a talent. You basically described a scene in simple stanzas. You didn't go into much detail, and that wasn't needed. All you really did was make me think of a detailed scene without going into much detail. Usually, people go into too much detail.
Overall, another great job
Strange gives you....
Off the charts!
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo
And stay cool, icicle

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29 Reviews

Points: 1361
Reviews: 29

Fri Feb 21, 2014 12:14 pm
Oakenshield says...

Okay first of all nice image of the poem. I think this poem goes about how far someone can go and you put it great in a beautiful piece of art, you have talent ( -;

niteowl says...

Thanks! :)

Random avatar

Points: 495
Reviews: 6

Wed Nov 06, 2013 5:08 pm
butterfliekisses wrote a review...

Okay so the overall poem is written well, but i feel like you couldve added more detail. The bracketed part is unneccesary. Also, although rhyming isnt necessary it would help the flow of the poem, but thats just a suggestion. When i began reading this i was almost certain that she would crash and die in some tragic accident and i was holding my breath waiting for it to happen, but i felt a sense of relief when she simply stopped. You are a very talented writer and i hope to see more of your work in the future.

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48 Reviews

Points: 353
Reviews: 48

Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:31 pm
sbitonti wrote a review...

Hey niteowl!

I found this poem slightly amusing overall.
I don't feel the line with parenthesis is necessary, for you can always imply this.
Good job on being consistent with your tenses! It might be silly, but many people alter back and forth, especially in poetry.
I like the length of the poem, you have good structure, but I feel like there could be so much more depth added to it!
Maybe you can add more imagery, especially with the lines:

"the sun as it peeked/over the horizon"

Maybe you could add color to the sun, and the distance to reach the horizon?

I'd also replace the word "creep" in the second stanza for a stronger word. In this stanza you can incorporate feelings of rebellion, challenge, etc.

I like how you incorporated the realistic colors of red, yellow, and green in the last stanza.
You did a good job with this poem, everything was grammatically correct. Just stray away from keeping things bland! Add flavor!
You have a good concept, Keep writing!

Happy Review Day!!!

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69 Reviews

Points: 893
Reviews: 69

Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:54 pm
WillowCutz wrote a review...

Willow C. here,
I apologize in advance for my personality.

I start with the title, like I always do. It was okay, it was breif and relevant, but you couldtry a little harder. I mean the writer knows more about the peom than anyone, it's easier to find a peom you want to read when the title if interesting and new. Always keep the potential audience in mind when you write the title.

Next the stanzas. As much as we all want to keep the lines brief so that they look good, they need to READ good too. You see the purpose of a line in a stanza is to create a small break in the reading. It's like a coma. So if I, were to, write, a sentence, like, this you'd, read it, like a, ro,bot. Correct? So write the poem like you'd write a story or create a sort of beat when you are writing it.

Finally, every writer has a voice, a way of writing, but it's importantto try your hardest to write in the voice of the character. If you were writing about a high-speed event you write like you were in a high-speed event. Like you have no time to think and are just expressing what you could.

Peace out,
~Willow Cutz

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331 Reviews

Points: 10565
Reviews: 331

Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:28 pm
Blackwood wrote a review...

I love this poem and the wild woman behind the wheel. At the beginning I didn't like the bracketed bit about the sign. I think it's uneccersary and rather diverts the reader from the feeling than it enhances it.

Inreally liked the ending. When I first started reading this I was sure it would end in tragedy and I as sort of releived when it didn't.

Anyway good job exuse the spelling errors iPod and no correction.

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103 Reviews

Points: 5041
Reviews: 103

Sat Jul 13, 2013 2:24 am
KittyCatMeow wrote a review...

Hmm, this is interesting, short, and simple except nothing that exciting happened in the conclusion.

A LITTLE more rhythm could help as well.

She knew the limit was 45,
(the signs said so)
but she longed to chase
the sun as it peeked
above the horizon.

The lines seem almost too connected. In fact, all the stanzas could do with some more help with that as well. Also, the second line is not necessary, I believe.

She let the needle
creep up to 70,
even though she
was in no rush.

This was an interesting stanza. It still sticks to the main message, and those are hard to come across these days. However, like in the first stanza, the lines are almost too connected.

The green signs before her
reverted to yellow,
and she rushed to the brakes,
barely stopping before
the light turned red.

This is probably the best stanza out of the other two. The last two lines are too connected to each other, but everything else is great. I would suggest though, that the ending is more exciting. Maybe she crashed into another car or the police caught her.

The poem I just read is amazing. The rhythm could really use some help, but everything else is wonderful.

You have great potential as a poet, keep writing!

niteowl says...

Thanks for the review! To be honest, this is an older NaPo piece, but it could have a stronger ending. Thanks again! :)

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1315 Reviews

Points: 23536
Reviews: 1315

Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:11 am
Hannah wrote a review...

Super simple. Super full. The simplicity of this poem and the fact that you, yourself, make no judgment upon her actions leaves the reader to think for themselves. What does it mean that she wanted to speed but she still submitted when the traffic light said otherwise. Did she really want to speed in the first place? How does she feel right after she stops her car completely? Relieved? Disappointed? Angry with herself? Does she even ponder the meaning of what just happened as thoroughly as we are? It's got a lot of depth to it for being about one action in one place.

The thing is that the language you use is not fitting of a poem.
"She let the needle creep up to 70 even though she was in no rush" is perfectly fine as prose, and the line breaks just make it sound weird and breathless. There's a difference between prose sentences and poetry sentences. You've gotta reach around the obvious words and pull out something deeper. Make every word fit to the tone you're going for. What is the tone you want with this piece? I guess that might be difficult, because the brilliance of this poem is that it doesn't judge or lean one way or the other, so this blank prose-reporting style seemed to go with that best, but you can still find a way to inject tone that doesn't ring of judgment.

For example, through the words you pick you might want to paint the setting of this occurrence. I see it as isolated, so she has no one to blame but herself -- she could have run the red light if she wanted to. So maybe rather than saying she let the needle creep up, etc., you could evoke the expansiveness of the rural setting. Her speed spread up to fill the blank fields around her.?? Something with that kind of feeling? Obviously that's crappy, but you can work to something, right?

I think the last stanza is the worst-worded. Do green "signs" "revert" to yellow? Can't we use the language of the lights? That would bring out the imagery of the traffic signal better, and we need those images to hold us while we contemplate the meaning. Also, does one "rush to" the brakes when one is sitting in the car with them? Think more carefully about the words you use.

PM me if you have any questions, please.

Good luck and keep writing!

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116 Reviews

Points: 9869
Reviews: 116

Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:33 pm
InfinityAndBeyond wrote a review...

Hi! I'm going to review your poem today :)

This is a really good poem! I like your idea of having a need to drive away, it was creative. I also like that the reader understands the charater of the poem, and the descriptions.

I'd just suggest a few things, to hopefully help improve your poem, even further.

For your second line in the first stanza;

"(the signs said so)"

I'd suggest to take out the brackets they seem a bit awkward to add in, it's better without them.

In this line;

"even though she was in no rush"

Just a small change i'd make for more flow in the poem is;

"although she was in no rush"

Also for your last stanza i would change a few wordings;

"The green light before her
switched to yellow
as she stepped on the brakes
barely stopping before
the light turned red. "

Maybe somethingn like that.

Overall great poem! Hope i was of help to you.

- Infinity x

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