Hey Lylas! I'm Arc here to review!
Okay, so firstly, my initial thoughts on this were there are some interesting themes her which are quite good to write about and there was a lot of emotion conveyed through the lyrics which is quite good! I quite like your structure because (I'm sure with music and melody) the ending would sound great!
Now onto critiques. I guess my main concern is you are using quite a cliche idea, even if it is how you feel. I still think you can address this issue, but use things which don't sound so cliche. Perhaps make it sound less 2nd person and directed towards someone. Also, maybe use some interesting metaphors to get your ideas across because I think that that would be really effective!
Secondly, in some parts I found the rhythm to be a bit weird and forced. So just try not to make things so obvious and forced just to rhyme because, trust me, I think that would help. There's also a lot of words and phrases which repeat in a verse which just makes it a bit less interesting.
Anyways, hope I helped! If you have music to this, I'd love to hear it! Drop me a PM if you need anything!
Keep lyricing!
-Arc
Points: 27927
Reviews: 532
Donate