For Dogs' Poetry contest

Ok Iki, lovely poem as always but firstly you need to pay attention to directions. One of the rules of my contest was that you CANNOT use any of the words I gave you next to eachother. Also you needed to put the words that I asked you to use at the top or bottom of the poem, showing the reader which words you incooperated into your writing. So you've violated two rules here that I should have hoped you read on my list of constraints. Your quote was "Ghastly grim and ancient raven." You use "ancient raven" in the 5th line of your poem. Directly violating one of the few rules I provided.

So while I'm at it I might as well give you a quick comment on the poem ignoring the rules you violated. Firstly the first line of your poem is boring, especially when it has so much potential. With the words I provided you have great potential to be incredibly dark and descriptive with your writing. Describe the house more, you create a small image of the interior but I have no idea what the exterior looks like. I want more descriptions and images instead of just boring words I read every day when I review poetry. If you need help finding more exciting words, look stuff up in the thesaurus. It's incredibly helpful and I use it every time I write anything.

Describe the grim faces a little more, I want to know what makes them look grim. And create a better picture in my mind of the house other then it has pictures and a dusty old rug with a shelf.

"as time wore on"

This should be "as time wears on" grammatically speaking.

Also I read this and this immediatly makes me think of the poem The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. Granted it is an amazing piece of literature, but especially if I give you a quote that is from that poem, you should write a piece that is quite different from the poem that the quote came from, it'll make your writing more intresting. Also this poem really has no point or purpose other then to say: "Hey.... there is like this house... and it's old... and a raven lives in it. The end!" most anticlimactic story I've ever heard. Make more of an arch and then you'll be on a better track. Re read the directions on the poetry contest page and then read them again and maybe if you really need to one more time to really remember everything. If you post another poem for this contest that violates more of the constraints you will be disqualified from participating in the contest. I wish you the best of luck my friend.

TuckEr EllsworTh

Hi ikiru!

So I read up on the contest and I see what you're doing here! I like how you're using the words simply and without much fuss in the way of fills. However, your ending doesn't make any sense, really.

I know it's a nod to Dogs and probably the reviews on work? But I think that's a pretty boring way to go about it, the poem is so short and doesn't really invite much of a look into what Dogs is giving you, beyond some ideas. I'd love for you to expand this a bit and really give us a look into the difference of your work between, or what it was like without Dogs' aid! I'd do that kind of thing in two parts, separated by the general i and ii.

Expending the poem will also let your reader fully experience your skill in writing. Right now, the glittery and frilly words you're using aren't yours, they're all from Dogs' post. I want to see more from you! Less a rearranging of the words with some filling and more a poem which happens to include those words. I know this isn't going to be your real entry, since Dogs' has said that the words in the original post don't count. However, this is a good beginning poem and I think if you worked on expanding this or trying again with a little more in mind, you'll get a good feel of how your next poem should run.

You definitely have a simpler, less abstract way about your poetry than I have, and that's always wonderful to see. I look forward to finding out what kind of skill you really have. Don't forget to enter Dogs' contest properly by PM! I'd hate to think you miss out on the fun of the game just because of a misinterpretation of the post. Please feel free to hit me up if you have any questions, queries or just want to chat.

~ Pen.

Well, few tiny minor details. Firstly for this to be a contender in the contest you gotta send me a PM and I'll give you the list of the words. You can't steal the list from the example silly Iki . But I'll give this a review anyways because I like the list of words that you're using. This can be a practice/warmup for your read poem.

Ok so firstly when you're writing for me you'll need to write a poem that has a different theme and idea you're trying to get across rather then you're writing this as a contest submission. So then in that case you need to think of a topic or style of poem you want to write and then masterfully incorporate these words into your writing. So for example with this batch of words I would write a poem on an angel for which he/ she is: "Beaming light shimmers bright, igniting the demons night. Her gracious and enchanting smile glitters in the star light night." yada yada yada. Ya get the point. Right now your poem here is wonderful and cute but it doesn't tell a major story that I'm really trying to push you into.

I do think this poem is really cute and adorable and thank you for posting it, but if you really wanna do great in this contest weave me a story that just happens to have the words I provided. It's difficult I know but I know you can do it. PM me if you want the words for my contest. If anyone else wants to participate the link is: viewtopic.php?f=404&t=96725

Keep up the good work!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh