Prologue
"Mother, please tell me your favorite story." Amelia pleaded.
"All right. I'll tell the story of how humans got their voice."
"Voices. Voices are things of pure magic, whether most know it or not. Now, long ago, in a time before remembering, the creator of all things, Minna, had just created the race of mankind. To some she deemed the highest, rulers of all, the royal family, and to the rest of humankind, their faithful servants. Now, while the birds could sing and the elves could laugh, the humans couldn't speak at all. The fairies and the beasts and the fish spoke in their own language, and the humans could only speak with their bodies. Why, even the water and the wind could let their wise thoughts be heard, but the humans remained silent. So, one day, Minna took a piece of the voices of all creatures, blended the sounds together, and gave that strange and unique voice to the humans. Some people got more of the bird's voice, giving them a beautiful whistle.
Some got more of the fairie's voice, making it so that those people have beautiful singing voices, and so on. But, some,
while rare, get a perfect blend of all of these voices, giving them a power so great, they are feared by many."
"Have you ever met one of these people?"Amelia asked.
"I'm not sure if I have." her mother admitted. "But I wouldn't be surprised if you were one." she added.
"Really?" Amelia pondered the idea of her possesing a power that, well, powerful.
"Yes. Apparently, at the moment, there are only four in the world. And all of them are elves."
"Aw. No human ones?" Amelia said with an upset edge in her tone.
"Well who knows? Now, off to bed with 'ya." her mother announced.
"Aww! All ready?" Amelia asked.
"Yep." her mother replied while tucking Amelia in bed.
"Goodnight Rose."
"Goodnight Honeysuckle." for that was their secret nicknames for eachother. Amelia then drifted off to sleep,completly unaware that, that would be the last time she would see her mother.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hi BookLover!
This is a super short part of a chapter! We don't get to see much or learn much about what's going on, really. By the end I feel like this is more of a prologue to what's going to come next, unless Part Two begins with the mother leaving or being kidnapped or something and in that case, this should have been cut a little further down your chapter, because we get almost no taste of the character of Amelia. I understand wanting to end on a cliffhanger though.
It doesn't really make any sense that it is elves who have the powerful voices, since the language was given to human beings. If it wasn't given to human beings alone, then this would make about four times more sense, haha. If you want the elves to be the only ones with the ability to use these magical voices, then I suggest you leave out the humankind bit in the initial paragraphs, it's easy to believe that Amelia might be half elf or something of the kind.
I'd love to get more of a feel of where they are and what their place looks like. I imagine them in front of a fire, but they could be in sweltering heat, who knows! Little things like say, a breeze rustling the trees outside which prompts the mother to say "even the wind and the water could have..." It would add a little flavour and a little intrigue to your story so far.
I think your second paragraph has about a million commas in it as well. We can clear those up with a little sentence structure:
Actually I'm looking at that second sentence and it doesn't make much sense at all. What did she deem them? She gave them the title, I assume, but it just doesn't make any sense to me now. She called the highest the rulers of all, and the rest of humankind were their servants? I've given you a tentative sentence suggestion above, but it's pretty awkward and I feel like you need to rearrange what you're trying to say there to make it more clear what you mean.
This is a good little short, but it needs some tiding up and we need some more of it. If you have any questions, queries or just want to chat, please hit me up!
~Pen
Well, this is surely an interesting piece. Although for a chapter it's a bit -or very - short.
I don't know what the poem overhead was all about, but since the last question ends with 'song', I'm pretty sure it's related to the main passage.
I like the composition and consistency of the story and the characters. The idea of different kinds of voices existing amongst man is very creative. More intriguing is the existence of a powerful voice which only a few have.
One thing though: You don't really need to space new paragraphs (even if its only made up of a quote). You should begin typing from the beginning of the indent.
The insertion of suspense at the end is also quite nice. That leaves two things to look forward to in the continuation of the story: Who has the voice of power? AND What would happen to Amelia's mother?
Expecting more of this!