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Christmas

by wolf9599


When Christmas comes around;
we all scream and shout
with joy, without a pout
For we know that Christmas is without a doubt
The best time of the year 

So when the snow starts falling,
and Christmas is close,
we bring out the eggnog, the decorations, the Christmas rose
we throw our lights onto our deck
all the while singing charols, Laughing and yelling. "Yippee!"

When Christmas gets closer 
We go do our shopping spree
buying things for you, and even for me!
The shops, they are busy
But that doesn't stop us, we keep buying our presents
Even until we get dizzy

When Christmas is at our doorstep,
we put up our tree
Hanging the ornamints
all the while singing with glee

When it is all done, we step back with satisfaction
Looking at our work, stopping the action
"We are Ready for Christmas!" is what we shout
So We count two more days,
Then Christmas appears, bringing Santa, and good cheers!

Our in-laws join us as we open our presents
We laugh and take pictures as we open into the essence
Out comes a doll, out comes out comes an ornimint lime
As we don't notice the quickly passing by time
But sadly it ends, but we don't care

Because next year
Christmas will come
bringing happiness and cheer
But for now, Santa can rest
And we can now play with our toys, as happy as can be.

{I understand that this poem is not that good, it does not flow well, but I thought I would write a christmas poem since, duh, Christmas is going to be upon us soon!!}








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27 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 27

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 5:46 am
brittbritt12347 wrote a review...



Hello wolf9599, I am Brittany and also from the green team :) here to review your poeticy :) lol I know that doesn't make sense. Now onto your poem.

I like that your writing about Christmas, I got this cheerful kind of smile when I was reading the poem. Throughout the poem I also seen how you italicized it. It sort of confused me, it's like you want to exaggerate on all of the poem is what it feels like. If you catch my drift.

Anyhow, you also had quite a few errors in grammar and spelling. Sometimes if you spell a word wrong and someone sees it, and it is spelled like another word they might mis-interpret it.

Besides those few things, I enjoyed it.
Have a nice night <3




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1220 Reviews


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Reviews: 1220

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Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:20 am
Kale wrote a review...



Hello there wolf9599,

I bet you thought you'd never get a review on this. Well, I'm here to prove you wrong. *insert mad/diabolical/insane laughter/giggles/cackling/whatever here* For too long have works like yours languished unreviewed, and so my comrades and I of the Order of the Knights of the Green Room are here to bring an end to such an ignomiously neglected state of reviewage.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the reviewing!

---

First things first, why is this poem italicized? Italics should be used for emphasis only, as reading large chunks of italicized text on a screen is actually quite difficult for your readers.

The next thing: are you, or are you not, rhyming? Some lines make it seem like you were trying to rhyme, but others don't fit a rhyming scheme at all, and all this really does is cause me confusion as to whether there's a rhyme or not in this piece. Confusion of this sort is not a good thing to have, and so I would strongly recommend deciding whether or not you want to rhyme, and if you do, to stick with a consistent scheme, if not throughout, then per each stanza. Right now, there is no consistency to the rhyme, but just enough rhyme to make it look like there was the attempt to rhyme, and so the apparently intended rhyme completely falls apart. If there even was an attempted rhyme to begin with.

In any case, for this poem, I'd recommend nixing any attempts at rhyming and just writing this as a free verse piece. Not all poems need to rhyme, and I think that this is one of those poems that would be better without a rhyme, considering how it's already rebelling against any rhyming as-is.

With that said, watch your grammar and spelling. Little errors really take away a lot from a piece, especially when the piece is as short as this. For example:

Hanging the ornamints

You misspelled "ornaments" here, and as any decent spelling checker would catch an error like this, it's inexcusable to have it in your piece. Though it did give me a pretty amusing mental image of stubborn mints being stuck to a tree.

In any case, you have quite a few errors in this that detract from this piece which you should fix.





Let the wild rumpus start!
— Maurice Sendak