Young Writers Society

Hey Clarity,

Here on request.
You already have several reviews, so I'm going to focus on the 'flow' because most everyone has covered the nitpicks. As such, a great number of my suggestions will be based on opinion. Feel free to disregard.

One tiny nitpick:

When my thoughts, should be the one thing that is truly mine.

It could be something deathly

If I tried to put it into words of how other worldly I felt

this is amazing! you should really keep writing im ready to read more! like literly i was like woah man and kept reading and when it was over i was like noooo!!!! your very talented and i think you should keep up with what you do!!! don't stop beleivin' bro!!!

Hey there Clarity, here as requested!

I like this story very much! It shows the troubled feelings of a human which doesn't act like a human. An interesting concept indeed...

I'll start with some nitpicking, since I see there are some errors.

"But, what if I do not feel human. What if I feel more, or what if I feel less."
Since you meant this as a question I think question marks are needed. And also the comma at the start isn't necessary.

"how other worldly I felt"
What do you mean by other worldly exactly?

I like the way the character battles with her own self, it's like trying to convince herself of a certain thing she is unsure of. It's what many of us do, unknowingly.

"It could be something deathly, or maybe it could be the enlightenment of my existance. But, I shall never know. It is locked away with a key made of nothing. And if something is made of nothing, how is it proven to exist?"
I like this paragraph very much, good choice of words and phrasing.

What I think could have been improved here is the physical being of the character. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. It's good to have a few actions incorporated to make the story come to life. Certain actions like "clawing my head" and "clenching my fists so tight they start bleeding". Of course you don't have to use such phrases, but other more mild actions may make the character look emotionally tired and such.

"When my thoughts, should be the one thing that is truly mine."
Shift the comma to right after "thing"
"When my thoughts should be the one thing, that is truly mine."
Read it in your head, or aloud, with the pause. Which one sounds more like a cliffhanger?

Overall I enjoyed this story, and I hope my review helped!

Here with your review, as requested.

But, what if I do not feel human. What if I feel more, or what if I feel less.

If I tried to put it into words of how other worldly I felt, I may be cast out. No longer looked at as a member of society, but as a freak.

I write out all of my emotions onto a piece of paper, or type onto my computer screen.

But, I shall never know.

We need science to give us facts, and make sense of what the world means.

But really, we will never see it, until we believe it.

Why do I feel so inhuman.

the small crevace of my mind.

When my thoughts, should be the one thing that is truly mine.

Hello Clarity Nice to meet you. I am Adam, or AJ as I am colloquially known to the masses. Let's look at this piece, which you entitled Inhumanity. I knew that this was going to be cryptic, depressing and full of emotion and passion towards humanity. And boy, did you not disappoint.

"How do we know what we are? We are classified as human simply because of the form we take. But, what if I do not feel human. [This should have a question mark] What if I feel more, or what if I feel less. [Again, question mark]
If I tried to put it into words of how other worldly I felt, I may be cast out. No longer looked at as a member of society, but as a freak. The girl with issues some may say.
I would be rejected and ignored. I would lose any sense of trust I have obtained over the years."

I am not usually one to nitpick about punctuation, and this may be actually accurate, but I think it makes more sense to have a question mark as this piece is very rhetorical and the narrator asks themselves "who am I?" Your content is really good, mainly because you put things into detail. Although your narrator is borderline teenager at points, I like this part.

"Everything in this day and age is in need of proof. We need science to give us facts, and make sense of what the world means.
Some of us will never believe it until we see it. But really, we will never see it, until we believe it."

This particular part was interesting, as it shows the narrator go as far as to question constitutions like Science and religion as a basis for life. He/she is unsure of what to do.

"Why do I feel so inhuman. With the physical features matching the identity of one, and the few emotions one feel. What could be different? Nothing apparent is wrong. It's all on the inside, not the inside of my
mind, but the inside of my soul. And to find out why my soul is so different, I need to know what is kept in the small crevace of my mind. And it is that which I will never know."

You write with such passion and emotion, it's practically joyful to watch. It's a contrast, seeing how this piece is very personal/angsty. You make it enjoyable to read and I congratulate you for that, despite being about such a debatable topic. You actually make me think whilst hooking me. That's a great skill my friend. You are good.

As per usual, I have picked out the parts of your story/rant/monologue that stood out for m the most. Overall, great job. You have yet to write a piece I dislike.