Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,653 Literary Works • 672,189 Reviews
Hey I liked it, but it was different than I expected. I think what caught my attention the most was that it was part-rhyming and part not rhyming, or rather than the rhyme scheme was irregular. Did you do that on purpose or did it just come out that way? I think it was a beautiful mesh of the two styles though. Rhyming gives it a flow but un-rhymes just feels so much more real for me, if that makes sense. Anyway, great job.
Lyc! Here for a review! Oooh, a poem on adventure! It's been a long while since I've read one! I'll make it a Chop-Up, a type of review I invented in which I take a piece of your piece and review on it.
I really like this one! The rhyming effect is perfect for the piece. But it would be better to express more here. It simply told the story. What about trying some adjectives and rearrangement? What I most like though, from the piece is the impeding emotion. The last line, cut out, leaves this impression for wanting more!
I really like this stanza. Not only does it sound as a prophecy, but it also shows the culture and spirit of yore, something perfect for this type of medieval poem.
Okay, so I'll be on the tight side here. Yes, metal against metal; I can see it with my imagination. It's such a good line, but I can only see the swords, not hear or feel them. How about trying to put emphasis in the battle? Create action in a new stanza. Not only that line, but all the following verses. This stanza tells the battle, so it would be a miss not to be in the battle! Put emphasis by new stanzas and add ACTION
Well, that's all I can say. I really loved the piece, but it quickly wore out because of its length. The number of lines doesn't matter, actually. I'm talking about the length of showing to us the story. Just do your best and this will be the best
Good luck writing and happy holidays!
Your quick critic,
Alf
A really nice poem!
It flows well, has a steady rhythm and paints a picture. Not a very nice picture, but one that makes you think. It both glorifies war and brings up the horrible parts about it.
I disagree with Whitewolfpuppy. I don't think that your poem needs any punctuation, since it flows very well without it. If you want to you can remove the two dots that's there, since there's no use for them.
Hey there! I will be reviewing your work for today!
I do have a few things that I would like to talk to you about. I don't see very much punctuation in your poem. I believe that it would need some due to the fact that you keep changing what each clause is about. Though the verses are just the right size, you have wonderful spacing. that's really the only thing that I had to say about this.
Thanks for your time, have a wonderful day!
~Whitewolfpuppy :3